In Our Humble Opinion . . . as it turns out, we’re afraid we are the people your mother warned you about.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . there’s no reason to spend even a minute wondering if you hurt someone’s feelings, of course you did.
So it was My Honey’s birthday and I dragged Ava into a music store to get pick him up a present. She proceeded to touch everything in the store and make wholly unnecessary comments all the while.
She tried the guitar straps on as belts and made fun of the guitar string’s packaging.
She announced that camo shorts were for hunters and wanted to know when fat musicians decided that was the look for them.
There were remarks about the other patrons and their hair.
And then she made a cardinal sin. Something one simply does not do while in a music shop populated by tattooed and long-haired guitarists.
She insulted Van Halen.
She did it while I was finishing up my transaction. We were standing at the counter and there was a display of VH CDs. She picked up one of the cases using her fingernails on the smallest corner of the plastic as if there was a disease she could catch simply by being in its proximity.
“Who needs to hear these songs ever again?” she asked. Obviously it was a rhetorical question. The dude holding my Hello Kitty credit card raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t like Van Halen?” he asked. I think he had a stake behind the counter to kill her with if her answer struck him the wrong way.
“David Lee Roth is yicky.” This is undisputed fact. DLR is very “yicky.” For the love of Perseus, the man is still trying to rock a pair of shirtless overalls and greasy, bleached hair. The man is 58 years old. Get some self respect, dude. Still, it’s not good form to mention this in the holy sanctuary of a guitar store. His people will not appreciate it.
Tattooed clerk narrowed his gaze. “What about old Van Halen.”
Ava perked up. “Oh yeah. Old Van Halen rocked.”
I audibly exhaled. I thought for sure we would be alright, escape unscathed, live to insult again another day.
But, no. She did it again while walking by the front of a giant display advertising the opportunity to win tickets to a Van Halen concert. She waved a dismissive hand at the sign.
“You like Van Halen?” the goofy guy stamping receipts at the front door asked. He didn’t wait for an answer before he told us excitedly, “You can win, you know!”
“If we win does that mean we don’t have to go?”
I’m not proud to tell you I made a break for the door. You know the Marines say, “No man left behind”. Well that’s not the case with the Sisters. If you do something that stupid the other two are going to run. I got the car started and hoped she’d make it.
It could have been a lot worse. At least she didn’t tell the entire store how much she hates Stairway to Heaven.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . nothing aggravates us more than people who use the word “irregardless”, just stop that already.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . no one should say crazy things like “I’m not having dessert, thank you.”
The Sisters have been running afoul of crazies lately. This is disconcerting because we have plenty of our own crazy, we certainly don’t need to be farming any of it out. Unfortunately, the Sisters seem to have some sort of Whack-a-loon magnet. We’re not sure if there’s a way to rid ourselves of this disability. Perhaps there is a drug? A séance? Perhaps we need an old priest and a young priest… While we keep dodging those loony bullets, these things came along to amuse.
- National. We booked tickets to our first national convention this week. The convention is in California this year which is totally doable. This is an opportunity for us to talk to other writer-y types besides the ones we talk to all the time. We run through writer-y people pretty quickly so it’s nice to have a stack of them waiting on deck. The keynote speaker this year is Stephanie Laurens – the author of the Cynster series. We’re big fans. That’s another great draw of the national convention – a chance for us to get all fan girl again. Also, Rachel Gibson will be there, and we just love her. It just occurred to us that Julia Quinn will surely be there which made our hearts palpitate.
- Orange Chicken. Panda Express has the best orange chicken. It’s just the right amount of spicy and sweet. It also has the distinction of brewing the best iced tea in town – an unpresuming passion fruit blend. But the real reason we love orange chicken from Panda Express is right there in the name. Panda. We figure it’s all in who you know, and they say you should never discount anyone who can help you reach your goals. How outrageous would it be if we managed to get a panda bear all because we are nice to the ladies at Panda Express? We don’t make a habit of being easy going, but you can be assured that we’re very nice when we go to fetch our orange chicken and iced tea.
- Kathleen Madigan. This comedienne is hysterical. She was in town this past week and Ava was lucky enough to get to go. Amylynn has long been a fan, so she was very jealous. One joke Ava took away from the show had to do with Wall Street protestors. Kathleen stated that she’s never been mad enough about anything to be willing to camp. That’s exactly what two out of three Sisters say, too. In fact, it’s the concept of camping itself that will cause Amylynn and Ava to take up arms. Down with wilderness!
- Carnival Costumes. Wow – Mardi Gras carnival is fabulous. All the glitter and rhinestones are enough to make a princess wannabe swoon. And where else can you get a bunch of cheap beaded necklaces for next to nothing? Well, besides Chuck-e Cheese, but we were asked to keep our shirts on when visiting that establishment. Nevertheless, the floats, the costumes and masks, the general revelry looks so exciting. One of these days, we all hope to be in Venice for carnival.
- Royal Puppy. Will and Kate got a puppy. A super, duper cute cocker spaniel. This particular breed has never been a favorite of the Sisters, but it’s a puppy. Short of one of those scary hairless dogs from Mexico, we pretty much love all puppies. Here is our concern with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge – they named the dog Lupo. The name is supposed to be derived from the Latin lupus meaning wolf. Yeah – you can name a German Sheppard after lupus. Naming a cocker spaniel after a wolf is just really wishful thinking. We decided that this puppy’s name is actually Willard – not that he has ANYTHING to do with Mitt Romney – but if you look closely, this puppy has Willard written all over him. We’re concerned that Will and Kate don’t have much of a sense of humor.