New Releases
In Our Humble Opinion . . . everyone has issues but ours come in a ten volume set with annual updates.
March 30
April Fool’s Day is coming. Prepare yourself. You should just all be happy you don’t live in the house with The Bandit. There may be nothing more unsettling than spending a whole day with a seven year old with wholesale permission to be a prankster. Expect mud in unexpected places, dog food in your breakfast, things in your bed. Boy, are we excited. These five things are not pranks. God’s truth. Enjoy.
- Hunger Games Barbie – Really. We couldn’t make this up. If we did, you wouldn’t believe us. You’d say to yourself, that’s just dumb. We agree. It is dumb. And totally impractical. Exactly how the hell is Katniss Barbie supposed to shoot a bow and arrow with any accuracy
with those boobs in the way? - Steven C. Schlozman.First of all, we love his name. Schlozman. Stretch out the “o”. Very satisfying isn’t it? Mr. Schlozman is actually Dr. Schlozman. He’s a Harvard psychiatrist and ZOMBIE expert. So at first you’re thinking, yeah – psychiatrists are always the crazy ones. He came upon the title innocently enough though. He’s been a zombie fan since childhood, but then he started contemplating why zombies have become so common in popular culture and why we found them so fascinating. Once he got past the clinical Jungian and Freudian nonsense, he started to have fun. He wrote a book “The Zombie Autopsies: Secret Notebooks from the Apocalypse” which is being made into a film by no other than George Romero – the grand daddy of zombie movies. Anyway the Sisters love anyone who buys
The boy has teeth now, Alicia
into crazy 100%, and Dr. Schlozman has done just that. He even went so far as to come up with the disease – ataxic neurodegenerative satiety deficiency syndrome (ANSD) to explain where zombies come from. Awesome.
- Wack-a-loon Celebrities. It has come to our attention that Alicia Silverstone feeds her 11 month old son, Bear Blu, by chewing up her food and feeding it to him like a baby bird. What the…. We’re fairly proud of the fact that we self-edited there, because that shit’s crazy. Not only has she saddled that child with the name Bear Blu but there’s that other thing, too. Is she not aware that a blender does that without the gross factor? If she doesn’t own a blender, then she could always get baby food at the store. It’s right there next to the pharmacy where she should be picking up her meds.
The one in the middle makes our stomach hurt
- No more hoochies. It is becoming more and more evident that our daughters are growing up. The Girl Who Lives at Ava’s House is 11, Sassy is 9, and Bean is 8. Before you know it they’ll be going to their very own proms. Well, after their dates run the daddy gauntlet. This growing up thing is disturbing because we can’t help but notice how many young ladies these days are not dressing like ladies. So much so, in fact, that schools everywhere are creating power point presentations with examples of unacceptable prom dresses. In the Journal article they showed a girl in a bad dress so low it showed her tattoo. Her tattoo! Dear God, we’re having heart palpitations. It does not matter that 2 out of 3 Quill Sisters have tattoo(s). Our daughters will do as we say, not as we do. We’re popping right over to
Alicia Silverstone’s pharmacy right after this. - Clever people. We’ve already told you how much we enjoy wasting time on Pinterest. The thing is some of those funny posts really stick with us and we quote them throughout the day. This week’s little bon mot had to do with The Walking Dead. For those of you who don’t watch this show, first of all, you’re totally missing out and, second of all, you’re going to have no idea why this is so funny. The crux of the matter is that there are zombies everywhere and no one seems to be able to keep an eye on this kid. They constantly tell him, “Go in the house, Carl” yet when the zombie shit hit’s the fan, Carl is AWOL. It drives all of us insane. Perhaps our dear Daryl should just shoot him with that cross bow and put us all out of our misery. Whatever does end up happening to Carl, this picture says it all and makes us laugh uproariously every single time we see it.
In Our Humble Opinion…Skydiving from space is the height of stupidity. See what we did there?
In Our Humble Opinion . . . baseball is played all wrong, if you hit the tiny ball with the really thin stick, you should be able to run to whichever base you want.
Or possibly spell check
First let me point out that the character flaw of mine I’m about to describe is a universal concept.
I think we all, as humans, enjoy finding things about other people that make you feel better about yourself.
The Germans even have a word for it: Schadenfreude. It means finding enjoyment from the troubles of others. While this doesn’t exactly describe my condition, it’s darn close.
The faithful among you know that I’m seeking to be published – I’m looking for the brass ring which we describe as New York although at this point, I have definitely broadened my definition. The climate in the publishing industry is bad. I might go so far as to describe it as Defcon 3 kind of bad.
It’s bad.
So while I tap away on my keyboard, writing more stories that my Sisters love and my agent loves and tons of editors in New York “love” but aren’t willing to risk their jobs to contact on, I do feel better about myself when I drop in to one of my favorite blogs, www.SlushPileHell.com.
In publishing, the slush pile is the huge pile of unsolicited manuscripts or queries asking for representation - although these days they are a virtual pile. The blogger at SlushPileHell is an agent who posts his most cringe worthy queries with snarky comments to go with them.
This was posted March 26th.
Hello, I am A Christian woman that recently has been lead by the Lord to write books for little childrens and teensagers. I beleive these are blessings from above and I am convinced the Lord will will lead me to the write agent/pupblisher/illustrator.
And then his response.
I’m no theologian, but I wonder if the Lord should first lead you to a dictionary.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . if Carl were our kid, we’d give him a kick in the ass and tie him to a chair INSIDE the house!
In Our Humble Opinion . . . those of us who are crazy should just wear a t-shirt that says so.
In Our Humble Opinion…if we make you dinner, our motto is “You get what you get and you don’t be a dick about it.”
A girl and her dog
I absolutely despise having my picture taken. I am not photogenic. I am not being modest. It’s almost criminal how badly pictures turn out with me in them. There is no way I look that bad ALL THE TIME. I so hate it that there are very few pictures of me out there.
Sassy took one of me the other day, though, that I’m willing to share with you. Ignore how awful I look here and think of the old adage about how a person and their dog start to look alike.
- sleeping on the couch
Did you notice we have the same color hair?
And that we sleep in the same position?
He may be a jerky, bread-stealing, garbage-dumping, nose-biting, dining room table-sitting, bed hog…
But he’s mine.