Amylynn has heard nothing but complaining from the other Sisters this week. Complaining and whining but, truth be told, that’s really just fine considering she’s in San Diego and her Sisters are in Hell. It hasn’t made it over 80 degrees in San Diego and the wretched desert has been over 105 all week. Still, soon enough the Sisters will desert her for cooler climes in the coming weeks and months so as far as she is concerned they can just suck it up. Since the vacation provided many more opportunities for favorite things this week, today’s post is sponsored by San Diego.
1. Seaworld. All the world goes gaga over Shamu and, yes, he’s awesome – all 79 of them or how ever many there are now. But the real cuteness is smaller and fuzzier in the shape of groovy penguins and the almost unbearably adorable sea otters. We love how they swim around with their lunch on their tummies. Or when they hold hands when they sleep. Or fall into the ocean while wrestling with their brothers. The “zoo” keepers saw us dawdling and let us into the back of their habitat to see the babies. You’d better believe if the wardens had blinked for just a minute, one of those cuties would have been nestled in Amylynn’s purse in a heartbeat. I really need to work with the Bandit on his diversion tactics.
2. San Diego Zoo. It’s entirely possible the San Diegans are sadists. There really is no other explanation for the topography of that park. Who builds a zoo that’s so hilly it needs escalators? Sadists, that’s who. At Sea World, there were defibrillator stations all over the park. We counted sixteen on the map. Not a one at the zoo. I think they want you to die. In fact, they probably have hidden cameras all over the park and a top-secret lounge where they sit around and watch the paying customers pant and wheeze. The password is probably “Death to Fatties” or something else equally rotten. Also, their security is way too high. I’m just saying.
3. Sunscreen and floppy hats. There have been a few sunburns, but nothing like it could have been. That is because Amylynn wears her sunscreen like a half inch thick. She watches people dab it on and sighs in longing, knowing those people probably tan, too. Also, there was the floppy hat she wore all over town. A hat so big she suspects people wonder if there is even a person under there. It’s almost like wearing an umbrella on her head. She likes to pretend that if she wears her giant sunglasses and floppy hat that she’s channeling Jackie O, but she knows that’s just ridiculous. She looks like a crazy-ass tourist and she knows it. Quite tragic, really.
4. Restaurants. The best part of vacation is eating out for every meal. There is no arguing over the dinner menu for the evening. No burnt spaghetti sauce because someone was busy with a crossword puzzle. No dishes to wash. Everyone gets what they want, someone refills your water glass. If you’re really lucky, you get a waiter with some wit. Also, there is the extraordinary opportunity to people watch to your hearts content. Hopefully, you’re able to pretend that the children sitting at your table actually belong to someone else. Plus, there’s always the dessert menu. Ahhhh, vacation.
5. Reading on the beach. Amylynn made it a personal mission not to set foot in the Pacific the entire time she was in San Diego. Instead, she finds a quant little cabana or a comfy beach blanket, spreads out under her gargantuan hat and reads to her hearts content. A nice breeze, plenty of shade and the fresh, salty smell of the ocean is the perfect reading environment. Add a drink with an umbrella and honest to Zeus, it doesn’t get any better than that.
We’re having so much fun, we decided to stay another day. I begged the front desk. There was crying and some begging. I mentioned that I would burst into flames at the state line. I showed her the weather app from my phone to prove it was hotter than the sun. She took pity on us – Wahooo!
In other good news, my husband is off the hook for being a wishy-washy pain in my ass over the curtains I bought that took him forever to like, and then by the time I went back to get the rest we’d need for the livingroom, they no longer carried them so then I was totally screwed. I actually managed to track them down in San Diego – 400 miles away. ON CLEARANCE!
Life is good.
We had a lovely day in Point Loma. I took a few minutes sitting at the end of the world to contemplate a few things that
have been preying on my mind. For example, the wretchedness that is the backseat of that car. Honest to God, that is the most wretched, awful place. Those people I’m sharing it with have horrible parents who clearly never taught their children any manners. Also, I’m certain they were never issued “inside voices”. I am very proud that I didn’t fling myself off the end of the universe – but believe me, I considered it.
My Honey gave us each pennies to make a wish and throw into a fountain. Sassy paused, closed her eyes, then tossed in her penny just like a normal person. The Bandit jumped up and down, made weird noises, spun in a circle then finally tossed in his penny. He immediately turned to this father, “Can I have another penny ’cause I just made an impossible wish.”
Don’t you wish it was that easy?
I’m very excited that we’re staying another day, but I must confess that I miss the hell out of that kitten.
In the summer, when the kids that live at my house are out of school, I can leave the house a lot later for work since I don’t have to get them anywhere on time. I was really looking forward to my leisurely mornings this year. I get up at the same time, but I get my jogging out-of-the-way and even get a load of laundry done. All the way to the office, I get to listen to talk radio instead of that really bad music they make these days.
But alas, it was not to be. The fourteen year old boy got a part-time job. When he was first entertaining this notion, I told him, in no uncertain terms, that I would not allow my summer to be hijacked and that he would need to fit himself into my schedule. There was also a ban on touching the radio. He worked out his schedule to match mine and swore he’d be okay listening to old white men complaining about everything the president’s done wrong since not being born in Hawaii.
The first few days were okay; he got up on time and didn’t touch the radio. Near the end of week one, he turned off the radio and suggested we chat. What??!! What did you say fourteen year old boy???!!! You want to talk?? By all means . . .
He got a piece of paper out of his backpack. I could see he’d written out what appeared to be some sort of list.
Boy – You’re a creative person.
Me – That’s true, I made you and your sister before Pinterest was invented.
Boy – Exactly. (It’s never good when a fourteen year old agrees with you.)
Me – (Reaching for the radio.) Are we done? (I used my hopeful voice.)
Boy – The girl and I have noticed you’ve fallen into a kind of “default” parenting. It includes these five phrases:.
(Reading the list)
As soon as I’m dead, you can (fill in the blank).
No, the answer is no, so, no.
Because I said so, that’s why.
We do not (fill in the blank) in public.
Go clean your room and we’ll see.
Me – Wow, I had no idea I was that good! Those have to fit at least 80% of our child/parent needs, maybe even 90%!
Boy – I wasn’t complimenting you, I was pointing out a parenting flaw. You need some new material, Mom!
Me – You understand it’s 102 outside and we’re still a mile from your job, right?
Boy – Then I’d be dead before you and never get to pierce my ears or get a tattoo or motorcycle or marry a girl who’s pretty but stupid.
Clearly, if he remembered all of that, my parenting skills are top-notch!
What are you favorite parenting lines? Mine happens to be, “What the hell is wrong with you? (Amylynn). Ava’s are better. We’re dying for your examples of epic parenting.
Here’s what we’ve been thinking . . . there are times when it doesn’t matter if they serve Coke or Pepsi because all you really want is wine in a pail.
I am sooooo tired. The San Diego Zoo kicks your ass. For those of you who haven’t been, or have blocked out the memory because it was so horrifying, that zoo was built on a vertical.
Do you remember those stories your parents and grandparents told you that always had them going to school uphill both ways? That’s the same phenomenon with that zoo. I do not recall EVER walking down hill. All the downs are gradual and sloping so as that you hardly realize you’re descending. The ups, however, are all like at an 80% grade. By the time you get to the top of the hill you couldn’t give a crap less about the stupid polar bears. All you want is a bench and a defibrillator.
I would also like to mention the ridiculous security at that zoo. I think they might have found out that I was coming because I kept getting the “eye” from them, all suspicious like. I did not come home with a red panda or even a panda panda or a baby leopard. The whole day was rather uneventful considering.
There was one particular highlight. We saw Connie and Shaba, the elephants that were transferred from our zoo to the San Diego property. They looked lovely and very contented. The tour guide said they were out of quarantine and were slowly being introduced to the rest of the herd. I was so excited to see them I squealed and totally embarrassed Sassy which totally made it worth it.
Last, but certainly not least, I’d like to bring to your attention the following. This antelope like beast of some sort was very, very confused and this camel was absurdly patient considering the inconvenience posed by this other fellow. Every time the camel bent its neck to eat the antelope mounted his head. I don’t even really have a good joke for this scene.
truly, if not this then nothing else qualifies as the love that dare not say its name.
Here’s what we’ve been thinking . . . the San Diego Zoo has waaaaay too many animals and we’re willing to help ease the burden.
Another day of vacation, and my kids are now officially driving me crazy. One of the biggest problems is that I’m in the back seat with them. I’ve come to the realization that these are the most annoying people…ever. One of them smells and it’s probably not the one you suspect.
They fight nearly constantly and when they’re not fighting they’re getting along and that’s almost worse. Perhaps I’m getting short-tempered, but I’d argue that I’m more likely a beleaguered saint, destined to die a miserable death when I finally fling myself out of a moving car on a California freeway.
As I’ve mentioned before, the boy is really coming into his own sense of humor – separate from that of his father and I. I’m really loving this, even when I’m also mortified by what he’s just done.
Take for example dinner last night. It had been a really long day at Sea World and we were very tired, but still we braved one of our favorite restaurants. The boy went to the bathroom. He seemed to be in there for quite a while, but he eventually showed back up before I had to send in his father, so I didn’t think much of it. Until he went back the second, third and even tried for a fourth time. What the hell was going on in that bathroom? Never fear, it was nothing terrifying. Unless you consider The Bandit alone with a chalkboard in a men’s room.
Today, we went to the beach. When we walked back to the hotel room we had to navigate through about thirty young people, sitting on the grass, completely in the way, holding some sort of youth church group. Well, we decided, at least they’ll probably be quieter than the traveling football team that was here earlier this week. Up in our room, we told the kids to strip and get in the shower to get all the sand off. The Bandit did this on our balcony where he took great glee in flashing the church kids. He really got into it, too. There was a definite hip wiggle and a fairly distinct cat call.
I do want to confess something. I’m not totally without fault today.
Maybe, I’ve been hanging around Ava for too long.
Tomorrow we go to the San Diego Zoo. If anything fuzzy should disappear I’m totally blaming The Bandit.
What’s the last thing your child did that mortified you? Have you ever been thrown out of a museum? Are you able to resist the “Do Not Touch” signs? Really?
We’re in San Diego this week. I can not tell you how glorious that fact is. At one point today, it was 30 degrees cooler in San Diego than it was at home. 30 degrees. That doesn’t even seem possible, but I assure you, it is.
We left for California at 4:00 in the morning on Saturday and arrived at 11am after stopping for breakfast along the way. That pretty much left us a full day to devote to vacationing. We stopped off at Mission Beach so the kids could check out the ocean while we waited for our rooms to be ready at the hotel. I sat in the sand because, if you don’t already know it, the Pacific Ocean is freakin freezing. My kids rolled up their shorts and piddled around in the small surf. Their father, grandmother and I took bets on which kid would “fall” in first and of course it was The Bandit in 12.7 seconds.
Ava noted that a person can’t fall into the ocean from the beach, one has to wade in. I beg to differ. My child can “fall” anywhere. We just rolled our eyes – because what are you going do? – and trudged back to the car for a change of clothes, which is what we should have done from the get go.
I don’t know if it’s because he’s seven now or what, maybe it’s just that he’s my kid, but that boy is getting really funny. His sense of humor is starting to really develop past the fart jokes and that sort of nonsense, to a delightful use of quick zingers. Today he said, “Stand back. I’m a savage” totally out of the blue.
So, while we frolicked around in 72 degrees – isn’t that the idea thermostat setting? Why yes, it is. Thank you for asking – we stopped and picked up some cupcakes at this adorable bakery in Sea Port Village, Frosted Robin Cupcakes.
These six cupcakes are, starting from the top left and going clockwise: Chocolate with blue vanilla, red velvet (of course), lavender, pink lemonade, cotton candy and chocolate with chocolate.
Unfortunately, they didn’t taste as adorable as they looked. Sigh, that is often the case. These were a bit dry and the flavors underwhelming.
Nevertheless, I am totally willing to fly to Grand Cayman to test out their other store. Is anyone willing to sponsor such an event? Think of it as bettering mankind one cupcake at a time.
You and me, together, in an unselfish act for humanity. I’m available after Friday.
Amylynn is finding it almost impossible to concentrate since she’s leaving on vacation tomorrow. Ava is pouting. Kelli is too busy daydreaming about the possibilities of her new job. Things are not going smoothly over at The Quill Sisters. You guys know it’s 108 degrees here don’t you? Who can concentrate when it’s that freaking hot? It’s absurd. the desert should just shut down during the summer because if it involves going outside, no one should be expected to participate. While we were inside under the a/c vent, we found these things to amuse…
1. Giant Wombats. We like the idea of wombats. They’re cute. Apparently back in the Pleistocene era, wombats were the size of rhinoceroses. Not necessarily cuddly, but they did have one intriguing feature we find quite interesting. Because they were, and still are, marsupials, these giants had a pouch big enough to hold an adult human. Now consider that for a moment. Sounds snuggly, right? And we bet they’d be a lot cheaper to keep running than
gasoline in our SUVs. Get yourself some carrots and hop in.
2. 3D printers. Ava saw a special on one of these the other day. They are amazing. You build the specifics of what you want a model of, say a dashboard or a super cute hockey player in the CAD program (or where ever, honestly we weren’t paying that much attention to the specifics at that point) press print, and holy cow, your Sven-the-Swedish-hockey-guy-holding-a-dashboard comes out made of plastic. Isn’t that amazing? Really? Technology totally rocks.
3. Margaret Snatcher. We’ll be totally honest here and admit that, even though we read the newspapers and pay attention to the online headlines, we really get great bi-partisan perspective from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Besides the fact that he is absolutely hysterical and absurdly hot (it’s the combination of intelligence and humor) we love that he is an equal opportunity lampooner. The other night he was making fun of the small-minded state that censored women on the house floor for saying the word “vagina”. Mr. Stewart offered to come up with some euphemisms that would make the conservatives a little more relaxed. He suggested Margaret Snatcher. Ava and Amylynn have been cracking up about that now for days. Out of the blue, we’ll get to cackling and immediately the other one knows why. The Sisters never promised to be high brow.
4. Direct Flights. Sky Harbor Airport, the largest one near where we live, is now offering flights to London. Oh sweet Zeus. We’re holding a bake sale as soon as Amylynn gets back from San Diego to raise funds for our tickets. Lord, we hope we don’t eat all the inventory.
5. No Panty Day. Today happens to be National No Panty Day. We don’t plan to participate. In the desert during the summer, we use our panties to collect sweat. How is that for sexy? Probably not what the guys who came up with the day were hoping for, but that’s the reality. If, say, they moved No Panty Day to a lovely day in November or maybe March, we’d be in. As for now, we’re keeping our Victoria’s Secrets on.