Maybe it’s the Spoon Full of Sugar that’s causing all these troubles

I need a new bathroom scale. That really irritates me because I just bought one. Actually I looked back in the archives and discovered I bought the current scale August 2010. How long is a scale supposed to last? I would have thought three years isn’t long enough, but then nothing is built to last these days.

Especially if you have a seal that routinely bathes in your bathroom. I hardly ever have to mop in there since every single time the boy takes a shower I have an inch of water on my floor. I have no idea what he’s doing in there. It’s outrageous.

So either the stupid scale has committed suicide because repeatedly screamed at it and called it a liar, or the Bandit

killed it by drowning which frankly was better than it deserved.

I went online to see how much this was going to set me back. Grrrrrr.

There are a lot of different models out there. Some of them seem really…excessive.

There are the $75,000 touted by America’s Biggest Loser and Weight Watchers that tell you your body fat index, your body/water index, your muscle and bone mass, the phone number for the paper boy and when the milk in your refrigerator is going to expire.

There’s the “550 pound projection scale”. Apparently, it projects your weight in giant red letters on your wall. What the hell? How demoralizing. I don’t know about you but I don’t need that bullshit burned into my retinas every morning.

Speaking of which, who the hell needs a scale that talks to them? What voice does it use? I might consider spending the money on such a thing if you could change the voices. Like maybe a Marine Sergeant for your first day on your new diet. A kindergarten teacher for those days when you don’t do very well, someone to give encouragement. A super nice grandma voice to offer you a cookie if you’re down a couple of pounds.

OOooooooh! Maybe a British accent – like Mary Poppins. Now you’re talking.