The things we do for this blog

Fabio was in town. He’s selling some sort of whey protein powder that we’re not interested in drinking. Our only experience with whey involves curds and tuffets. Surely you can understand why we’re not ingesting that.

Anyway, we made plans to go see him at the Wholefoods – as did every other person within driving distance. We got there 1/2 an hour early so we were number three in line. We were in and out in an hour. Bada bing!

Before we get into the experience with Fabio himself, we feel that we must make mention of the people who waited in line with us. There were a lot of men. Really. And often, not the men you expected to see. Some of these men were with babies. We’re not sure if these babies were conceived due to a Fabio cover or what. Maybe they were just there to say thank you, we don’t know and we didn’t ask. It’s much more fun to speculate. Also, there were A LOT of young girls there. Girls so young as to not possibly know the significance of Fabio to romance because the books where he was on the cover were published well before they were born. Still, they showed up and made seriously loud squealing noises when he arrived. Then there were women like us. Old. Pudgy. Sadly self-aware.

While waiting in line we were offered beer, wine, chocolate covered strawberries, and a massage. We declined everything. Even the strawberries. We’re not allowed to eat fruit on Thursday on our diet. Go ahead and roll your eyes. We’ll wait.

In front of us in line was a woman shorter than Amylynn. That is a significant thing. Hardly anyone is shorter than Amylynn. Anyway, this woman was over-the-top excited. When his car pulled up in front of the store, she professed that she couldn’t breathe and her “heart was fluttering.” The college girls in the first position announced, after they’d had their picture taken and such, that, “Now I can die.” There was some concern that the tiny woman would not survive the experience, such was her inconsistent heart beat.

Seems a bit over the top, no?

Ava cuddled right up cause he was toasty warm. Also, Amylynn NEVER smiles in pictures. Just getting her in a picture is challenge enough.

So our turn came. We do want to tell you that he was super nice – something we weren’t expecting because our experience with cover models has not been good. He was very respectful and polite without being standoffish. In fact, after we’d had our picture taken, Ava walked away. He seemed a bit dazed by that as we’re certain the poor man is used to being gushed over and groped – there were several women (and perhaps a few men) behind us in line who looked capable of a good grope. So when Ava wandered off with alacrity, Amylynn felt bad.

She reached up and touched is shoulder/chest area (respectfully!) and said with a big smile, “Have a great rest of your day.”

He looked at the two of us and said, “Oh, sisters!”

And without a moment’s pause we both said, “Yep!”

We will say that Mr. Fabio clearly spends a lot of time in the gym as his jeans were skin-tight and his tushy was perfect. Also, he’s very tall and still remarkably good-looking.

We credit his outstanding cheekbones.

We are not crediting the whey.