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April 4

5-things12Guess what? Well, you probably already did guess–like five days ago, but Amylynn didn’t die while camping. You may also presume that she did not find Bigfoot. We imagine that when we finally do nab the fellow, there will be a media frenzy. We’re hoping to have lost some weight by then. Here’s to positive thinking. And donuts. See that right there? That’s why we’re never going to “find” Bigfoot. Even if we do, we can’t tell anyone about it because the camera adds ten pounds. You see how the media ruins everything? Occasionally it also brings us funny stuff. Like these gems.gift from pope

1. The Pope needs to take a run back through the gift shop. Queen Elizabeth took a vacation to the Vatican–somewhere the Sisters are dying to go themselves–and met with Pope Francis. She brought a gift as any guest should do when visiting the house of a friend. She brought honey, whiskey and goodies from the royal estates. Nice, right? Well thought out, we believe. What does the Pope do to reciprocate? He gives her a blue stone orb topped with a sharp cross to give her great-grandson, Prince George. Who is an infant. **blink blink** The Queen said, “[he] will be thrilled by that–when he’s a little older.” Isn’t there xraya giant gift shop at the Vatican? Maybe the Pope has a gift closet where he stuffs crap and white elephant gifts other dignitaries gave him that he could browse. Surely there’s a rattle floating around there somewhere?

2. It’s a miracle any of them live. A 21 year-old man in Pittsburgh was taken to the emergency room with a chainsaw sticking out of his neck. Some how he managed to miss all the major arteries and such and stuck the blade in his muscle. He works for a tree service and was at work at the time of the accident. One of his co-workers rescued him from the tree, leaving the chainsaw stuck in his neck to try to keep the bleeding to a minimum. Quick thinking, eh? Or willie's armadillomaybe the guy just didn’t want buckets of blood in his truck. Either way, we think our guy should reevaluate his employment options. Possibly doing something that doesn’t involve sharp objects. Maybe in a marshmallow factory.

3. Willie’s armadillo. Apparently, Willie Nelson’s stuffed armadillo was kidnapped in Las Vegas a while back. We have no idea how we missed this important news. Well, it doesn’t matter because it was returned by an anonymous man this week and it’s been shipped back to Mr. Nelson. When this article was discovered Ava crinkled the paper and said, “Who would steal an armadillo?” I asked for more information. She explained the circumstances. I raised my eyebrow at her and said with absolute certainty, “We would totally do that. A – It’s an armadillo, and B – it lotterybelongs to Willie Nelson.” She agreed. That had our earmark all over it. Now that I’ve disclosed this information I want to make it perfectly clear that we’ve not been any where near Las Vegas and we did not force one of our husbands to return an armadillo.

4. Share the wealth people. Calvin and Zatera Spencer of Portsmouth Virginia have won the lottery a whole bunch–1M on a scratcher game this week, another 1M in March on the Powerball, and another 50k in the state lottery in March as well. We’re telling you where they live because we think the smart play here is to buy the tickets immediately kwasi eninbefore and immediately after they do. Maybe some good luck will rub off.

5. Clearly very good at bubbling in on tests. The parents of Kwasi Enin should be very, very proud. This young man applied for and was accepted by all eight ivy league schools.  Harvard, Yale, Brown, Columbia, University of Pennsylvania, Dartmouth, Princeton and Cornell. That is a horrendous feat and one that’s rarely duplicated, if ever it has been. Imagine what that kids test scores look like. And what must his essays say? Do you suppose he wrote eight of them or just sent the same one eight times? As soon as his parents get over their well deserved pride, they should immediately go lie down. The stress over the tuition will be descending on them shortly. We hope they like eating Ramen noodles for the next four years.

 

4 Responses to April 4

  • Debby says:

    Our cousin had a side job doing landscape work. A few years ago he was on a ladder trimming tree branches with a chain saw when he fell. He gave himself a haircut on the way to the ground, and almost cut off an ear. While he didn’t cut himself with the saw, he did break his neck. Fortunately, he survived the accident, but it too quite a while to recover.

  • Debby says:

    Sorry the “k” key on my laptop doesn’t work half the time. That should have said it took quite a while to recover.

  • Wild Irish Rose says:

    Sometimes I worry about the Quill Sisters….what must it be like to be in your brains…..makes me shiver just thinking about it. But I must say I am glad the armadillo was returned, that would be a difficult loss to live with.

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