Everyone should just calm down

Amy gave me a book to read by Bill Bryson.  We love Bill Bryson.  You should read books by Bill Bryson.  He’s awesome.  You’ll find out all sorts of stuff you don’t know.  Some of it will the scare the sh*t out of you.

For example:  Yellowstone National Park is actually not a park at all – you just think it is (don’t worry, so did I).  It’s really an underground supervolcano.  What’s that you ask?  A supervolcano is an enormous underground caldera which lacks a peak or potential outlet for gas, so heat and pressure build underground which increases the likelihood that “the entire surface above the underground chamber, which can be many miles wide, is blown away by a titanic explosion that can be thousands of times more powerful than that of a regular volcano”.

Whatever – these guys look quite orderly to me – Amylynn

While I was reading about this, unknown to Ed, he says “Hey, did you hear about the animals that are fleeing Yellowstone National Park?”  It seems that some people are saying the animals are leaving the park.  It’s a known fact that animals are sensitive to underground shifts in the planet.  I tell Ed about what I know from Bill and inform him “The end is near.”  For some reason, he went to work anyway.  Not wanting to be out “responsibled” (actually, I just wanted to see Amy), I marched off to work as well.  I felt like the stripper in the movie Independence Day going off to my job even though there’s an alien spacecraft right over the city.  That’s some dedication right there.  I don’t think Bank of No Forks really appreciates me, but I digress . . .

Anyway, after I explain the whole situation to Amy, she says scientist are saying it isn’t true about the animals.  She tried to tell me it was the buffalos natural spring ritual of migrating and feeling frisky.  Frisky.  Because it’s spring.  Can you believe she fell for that?  The scientists she was quoting are from the government.

Me:  That’s what the government scientist want you to believe.

Gullible Amy: They want us to believe it because it’s true.

Me: What about me reading about it just as this is happening?  What are the odds?

Non-Odds Calculating Amy:  Clearly, they’re pretty good . . .

Me: They are NOT good, you just don’t want to face the truth.  That volcano is going to blow any day now.  However, I did some

You better hurry up and get over here. This is going fast.

research and you’ll be relieved to know we’re beyond the ash-fall line.  There might be an issue with the sun being blotted out but we’ll worry about that if it happens.

Finally Listening Amy: You know what?  You’re right.  The end is near so we’re abandoning our current crazy diet and eating cake.

Amy might fall for lies the government tells but she certainly knows how to deal with a crisis.  If Yellowstone turns into the largest volcano eruption on earth in the last 750,000 years, she definitely won’t make us go to our stripper jobs AND we’ll eat cake.  I feel better now.