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September 12

5-things12

Another week gone by.  Another week of pain and suffering at Bank of No Forks.  Nope, nothing unusual happened just the ordinary nonsense of not enough to do and the trouble caused by us because of it. The good news is that we contained our misdeeds to IHOP (who totally deserved it) and the Torture Chamber (Skinjectables – seriously, that’s what they call that place where you give a woman a zillion dollars to rip your face off. Trust her, you’ll look

Wait! What the hell is happening here?

Wait! What the hell is happening here? We get charged $600 when we poke our finger in the cage and he gets to touch it?

younger. Amylynn thinks that’s because they’re growing new faces in an Igloo cooler in the back room). Aside from laughing at ourselves, we also laughed at the following:

1. A baby! We’re so excited that Kate and William, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, are having another baby. We also bet that George will be excited about it, too, as soon as he’s old enough to figure out what’s coming. It’s all fun and games cause those babies are cute and they giggle and stuff. Then, Georgie my boy, pretty soon they start touching your stuff. Nothing is sacred, that baby won’t care if you are the Prince of Wales and going to be THE King of England someday. And they monopolize your mom. The Sisters also have some advice for the expecting parents, too. DON’T DO IT! The first kid goes super

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

smoothly and you think that you totally know how to do this. How much more difficult could one child be? Oh, oh, oh. You have no idea the level of craptastic frustration you’re bringing on yourself. That second child is trouble. Trust us. We know.

2. Just stay no to snakes. This next story is another example of horrendously bad reporting in newspapers. In Thousand Oaks, CA. the police reported they caught a deadly albino cobra that had been on the loose for days. That alone poses several questions. It gets worse during the next sentence. “However it wasn’t immediately clear whether the albino snake – which apparently escaped from captivity – still had its venom glands.” Why would they think that might be a possibility? There are so many questions here. We say that if you’re missing a cobra and you call it in to the police and you KNOW that it’s missing a major viper component, don’t you think you

We bet if we were Prince George they'd let us touch it.

We bet if we were Prince George they’d let us touch it.

should fully disclose all that? We’re just sayin’.

3. More reasons not to go outside. In case you were thinking about venturing out into the great wide open, we’re suggesting that you reconsider. We have two very specific examples on why it’s a bad idea. A mountain lion attacked a 6-year-old boy while he was out hiking with his family. Everyone calm down. He’s expected to recover. Police stated, “We don’t know the exact circumstances of the attack.” We suspect that kid looked like a tasty morsel. The only way to avoid this happening in the future is to snatch all the baby mountain lions and make them love you. The Sisters are volunteering. We’d like hazard pay. The next instance involved an actress, Molly Glynn from Chicago Fire. She was out riding her bike (first mistake – Mr. Bright are you lobsterslistening?) when she was killed by a falling tree during a storm (second mistake – why are you biking in a storm?) Who the hell thinks they are going to die like that? Who? Bicyclists should expect bullshit like this. Again, we’re just sayin’.

jamberry

These are not our fingers. Ours photograph fat.

4. More lobster shenanigans. Remember last week we reported a blue lobster. This week two albinos and a yellow one popped up. The blue lobster was one in 2 million. The yellow one is one in 30 million and the albino ones are one in 100 million. What’s with the flurry of crazy ass lobsters? Either the scientists are completely full of hooey or the lobsters are just messing with our heads. That’s the theory we’re going with. They’re probably down there in the ocean, speaking with Northeastern accents and plotting their next escapade.  And arranging for their next dye job.

5. Jamberry. Sometimes we do our nails. Sometimes = damn near every day. We really don’t have anything else to do with our time. The World’s Greatest Receptionist had a friend come in who sells Jamberry. She brought in samples and we all did our nails with their products. They are these vinyl wraps that are water proof and last for weeks. There are 300 designs. Well, the verdict is in and we LOVE them. We’ll keep you posted on whether or not they last on Amylynn since she’s complete hell on nails.

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