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September 26

5-things12Amylynn has a cold that will certainly progress to bubonic plague by the weekend. Ava doesn’t seem to care. She’s gonna care when there’s no one to drive her around on all her errands. Like to Chipotle. If Amylynn dies, you can be assured that the stock price of Chipotle will go down considerably simply because Ava won’t be able to eat there ninety times a week. Just like Joan Rivers, Amylynn has made her funeral wishes well known. She want’s mourners and wailers at the grave site–even if it that means they have to be hired. Also, a New Orlean’s jazz band to lead mustache guythe procession. There’ll be cake. Wait – that’s probably why Ava isn’t worried about her dying. There’ll be cake. (Ava here – she’s fine, this is all just drama.) Ah, dammit. Alright, before we get too depressed, let’s talk about funny stuff. Like this stuff.

1. Outstanding facial hair. We found this gentlemen at our favorite café today while the Sisters were working on their writing projects. Amylynn did her best to be surreptitious about taking this picture, but she’s not as stealthy as the World’s Greatest Receptionist, and we suspect he knew it was happening. We really hope you can see the mustache on this fellow. It was glorious. He had it twirled up into two Amy cartoonspectacular curls. And his beard was full and bushy with matching whitest-white hair underneath that cool hat. Wait a minute. He actually might have been Santa Claus on a last minute break before the silly season begins. Dear Santa, please note how good Ava and Amylynn have been. We’ve really been making an effort.

2. The most fun app. As you probably know, the Sisters DO NOT like having their pictures taken. NOT. In fact, it causes us to have hives. And bad attitudes. So imagine our surprise when the WGR showed us this iPhone app, MomentCam, that makes caricatures from your photos. There are a million scenarios and templates to chose from. Basically, all that’s left of emma-watsonour own face is the eyes. Score! And the app was FREE!

3. You go, Hermione! If you haven’t seen Emma Watson’s speech #HeForShe at the United Nations, please go watch it now. It’s not long. What she says is beautiful. We’re raising both daughters and sons, and it would be nice if we were in a perfect world. It turns out that Emma is quite brilliant at celebrity. We’d say kudos to her stylist and yay to her parents. What a cute, smart, lovely young woman. We’ll bet she never rolls her eyes and lykoi2says, “Whatever” to her mother.

4. Werewolf kittens. So guess what. We totally want one of these. No, that’s not true. We want a bunch of these. They are so freaking cute! They’re cat’s with a genetic mutation that causes them to have no undercoat and two different colors of hair – black and white. Additionally, their cute little faces and their feet are often almost hairless, making them look like little wolves. Werewolves more specifically. Who the hell doesn’t want a werewolf kitten? Who? Those people are wrong. We’re so excited about the possibility we can’t even think clearly enough to come up with the right name. Ooooooh, we’re excited.

5. Designer Kleenix. OK, this is a real thing. Seriously. Amylynn went to the store to get more Kleenix. She’s gone through three noses and 47 boxes so far with this cold and she needed another box. She stood in front of Isaac Mizrahithe enormous tissue selection, on the verge of overwhelmed, and looked for a box that promised healing powers of untold magnitude. That wasn’t to be found. We think that’s because the tissue people secretly hate noses. This is what she found instead. Isaac Mizrahi does Kleenix. Does anyone really need this? Before we get all the way on our annoyed soapbox let’s just ask a couple questions. Does Isaac perhaps use a gentle flannel or perhaps a brushed cotton? We’ll take every mean thought back if Isaac is using silk. We think we’d appreciate silk tissues. Wait, isn’t that a handkerchief? (Ava here – this is all drama, she’s fine, really.)

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