November 14

We’d like to announce the end of an era. Drum roll, please. It’s official – we will be laid off after five years of slavitude at Bank of No Forks. We have to admit, we wont miss the job, but we will miss the paycheck and insurance. And our camaraderie. Oh dear God, we’re never going to stop moping over this. You know how people who are stressed out eat a lot? We’re eating all the food. All the food by Wednesday. It’s hard to swallow white cake with white frosting and sob at the same time. Things get very messy very quickly. Fortunately, we’re still laughing. Here you laugh, too, and we’ll all feel better.

1. An employment idea. The Sisters are definitely being laid off. As of next week we will be completely unsupervised. Yes, you should be afraid. We’ve been trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. There was a article in the newspaper that gave us pause. Oakland, California has the first “permanent feline-friendly coffee shop” called Cat Town Café and Adoption. What this means is that you can drink your expensive espresso and pet a kitty. Who doesn’t want to pet a kitty? They’re wrong. Kitties rock. A little cat hair never hurt anyone. I’d like a double shot mochaccino and a calico please.

2. Another example of the AP missing the boat. In Longmont, Colorado the fire department had to rescue a man trapped between two walls in a Marshalls department store. The employees had been hearing random yelling for several days but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. They had to use a saw to cut a big enough hole in the side of the building to get him out. You already have a question, don’t you? We’ll bet you want to know what the hell he was doing between two walls in a store. You’re never going to find out because the

Apparently, this is unsafe in Alaska.

AP reporter didn’t figure that was important information for the general public. Honest to Zeus, reading the newspaper is so frustrating.

3. Going commando? Kodiak, Alaska is having a rash of underwear theft. Someone is breaking into homes and stealing “mostly women’s underwear”. We really like the “mostly” comment. It causes all kinds of speculation. Has any men’s underwear been stolen? Children? Are any other articles of clothing going missing? Bras too or just underwear? Would a slip or spanx be considered underwear? Where does the thief draw the line? Is this a solid line or a wavy one? Maybe a dashed line? Who do the authorities consider a suspect? Would a bear be on

Seriously, that’s a tiger

the list? Bears are sneaky, just sayin’. Troopers refuse to release details since it’s an ongoing investigation. Sadly, this just leaves us with more questions than answers.

4. The Sisters were never in Paris. EuroDisney, the operators of Disneyland Paris, are making it very, very clear that there are no tigers in their theme parks. Why? you ask. Because there is a very strong rumor that a young tiger is on the prowl near the park. The Parc des Felins, a wild cat animal park insists that none of their cats is missing.  The authorities are beginning to doubt whether there really is a tiger on the loose since it hasn’t been found. Here’s the deal, though, there’s a picture of the animal (And now a video – go here to see it). Our eyebrows are very high as we prepare to call shenanigans on that nonsense. Let it be known, we’d like a tiger. We’re checking into flights now. We’ve already packed our tiger nabbing kits.

5. Boy can he lean. As you all know, Jared Leto movies were taken out of rotation at the office. However, Ava, crafty woman that she is, insisted “My So Called Life” a TELEVISION show was allowed because it’s NOT a movie. The main character loves Jordan Catalano, as played by a young Jared Leto, due to his epic ability to “lean”. And boy can Jared Leto lean. See here for yourself.