We missed National Cat Herders day and I’m all broken up about it

I have this app on my iPhone that tells you what each day of the year celebrates. You know like Mother’s Day or Arbor Day, only the days this app reminds you of are things no one has ever heard of before.

Here’s what it says for December 18th:

1. Answer the phone like Buddy the Elf day.

OK – that might be fun, except the only people who call me during the day is my father and he’d be totally clueless and all the fun would get sucked out of it. I think I’ll pass.

2. Bake Cookies Day

This one I like for obvious reasons.

3. Free Shipping Day.

Perfect. I’d like to be shipped to New Zealand please.

4. International Migrants Day.

Sigh. There’s no joke here.

5. National Regifting Day.

Interesting that they’d put this one 1 week before Christmas. I think this day was designated for really lazy people. I also suspect that the National Retail Federation does NOT endorse this.

6. National Roast Suckling Pig Day

Don’t you think this one is oddly specific? Why not just roast pig day? Or roast day? No, this is suckling pig day. That’s a pig with an apple in it’s

Now it all makes sense

mouth, right? That kinda creeps me out and the only time I can see myself eating one of these is if I’m transported back to Medieval Europe in a time machine or something.

7. National Wear a Plunger on Your Head Day.

What? I suspect drugs were involved when this one was thought up. Not only is it unsanitary, it’s also stupid. Promise me that if you see someone with a plunger on their head you will ignore them. They are only desperate for attention and you don’t want to give it to people like that. Then the next thing you know, everyone on MTV is wearing a damn plunger everywhere and then we’ll have young men with their pants hanging WAY too low and plungers on their heads. I can see this getting rapidly out of control. Just say no to plungers. No. No. No.