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March 20

5-things12Tra la la la – it’s the first day of spring! In the desert that means that everything is blooming and everyone’s allergies are running amok. Amylynn sounds like she’s channeling the spirit of a lifelong smoker with all the hacking and wheezing. Also, her front yard looks like a scene shot in a jungle or something. The other day someone lost a cat out there. Before you know it, summer will be here. We’re expecting it by Thursday next week. Every year we watch the northeastern part of the country, mystified that you’re all still dealing with snow in April. By then we’re probably ikeaalready running the air conditioning 24 hours a day. Crazy. Anyway, some of this may distract you from your weather. It’s good stuff.

1. Not dodge ball either. The people from Ikea have issued a statement that they are no longer allowing roving hoards of people to play hide and seek in the Ikea stores. We have a couple of things to say about this. #1 – Holy cow, that sounds like fun! #2 – Social media screws everything up. Apparently the call went out on Facebook and 19,000 people signed up to play in Amsterdam. Seriously. At another store in Utrecht, 13,000 signed up to hawaiiplay. If they’d kept it at a reasonable level then it seems like the IKEA people would have tolerated it. People ruin everything.

2. Are we sure it’s not coconut? The was a blizzard in Hawaii. Mauna Kea’s higher elevations had blizzard conditions this week. A Thirty Meter Telescope is being built up there and all the work had to be halted. The meteorologist said it was, “difficult to estimate just how much snow had fallen.” We’re guessing it’s walmarthard to get an accurate reading on the ruler when everyone is running around and screaming that Armageddon is nigh.

3. That explains the smell in there. You probably heard about the incident in Indiana where a methlab was found operating in a Walmart bathroom. We’d say that we’re surprised, but that isn’t really true. You’ve seen the websites devoted to the Walmart and its customers. It’s indiahorrifying. And let’s be honest, if you wanted to hide something in a public place where no employees would find it, then Walmart’s your best bet. Those bathrooms haven’t seen an employee in years.

4. Also, ask him to spell “squirm”.  A bride in New Delhi (is there an Old Delhi? We’re just curious) called off her wedding while in the actual marriage hall. Apparently this was an arranged marriage and she didn’t really know her groom. She did however have some suspicions. She knew things weren’t going to work out when she asked him to add 15 and 6 together. He said 17. Things went down hill from boy named suethere. We say GOOD FOR YOU. A girl has to have some standards.

5. It’s still way better than Apple. Everybody get out their brackets. Let’s see who won the baby name pool. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively had a baby GIRL back in December, but they’ve been reluctant to tell us the child’s name. Hmmmm, we wonder why. Let us just say that anyone who guessed Gloria or Debby or Helga was wrong. Way wrong. So very, very wrong. The name they chose wasn’t even in the top 100. They named that baby girl James. No, it’s not a typo. It’s like Hollywood is in a competition or something to see all the reasons they’ll have to pay for therapy for their kids or something.

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