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May 1

5-things12Do you remember when The Sisters complained about not having anything to do at Bank of No Forks? Remember how we were bored? Well, we are bored no more, our friends. The new place is like a lunatic asylum; we’re so busy. One thing that’s nice, of course, is that we’re so busy we’re only aware of time passing when we periodically realize we’re so hungry we could eat our own leg. Sadly, this means that our friends aren’t able to see us for lunch as often as we’d all like, but that will get better once things level out. The good news is we’re still not too busy to mess with people’s heads. Ava’s trying to convince the managing partner in our office that we need a baby alpaca. Or a baby llama. They’re really kind of interchangeable. Anyway, she started with a cat of course, but he’s allergic to cats so an alpaca/llama is the obvious substitution. That’s our latest Jon Tracey Stewartcause — we’ll keep you posted. Here’s some other stupid/funny/ridiculous stuff.

1. Just call us Mrs. and Mrs. Stewart. You know Jon Stewart is retiring from the Daily Show. This makes us so sad. So very, very sad. We figured he was going to sit around his rich New York apartment eating bonbons and chatting up famous people on the internet until he gets so bored he takes up a new hobby of knitting and following his wife around the house pestering her with stupid questions to the point of her threatening him with a ladle to find some friends and get the hell out of her house for at least nine hours a day. Turns out, no. That’s not how it’s gonna be. Jon Stewart and his wife are wormopening a place in New Jersey for rescued farm animals. It turns out our perfect crush is even more perfect. Rescuing farm animals? Seriously? Our stupid husbands won’t even let us have a goat.

2. Weather of biblical proportions. Norway must have done something to anger the gods. We don’t know what it was, but it was pretty epic because the punishment is truly awful. Worm rain. Really. It rained worms. They fell from the sky and landed on the snow up to three feet deep. Ewwww! “It was earthworms wherever I went. There must have been thousands,” said a biology teacher who witness the phenomenon. We don’t even know what to say about this. What does a person do with all these worms? Import chickens? Sell them to trout fishermen? We don’t even know. Do trout eat worms? This nik wallendastory is gross. We apologize for even mentioning this story. Skip to the next one.

3. It’s another name for a whack-a-doodle. Do you know who Nik Wallenda is? He’s from that famous circus family the Flying Wallendas. He’s always doing daredevil stunts like walking on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls. This time he’s going to walk, untethered, across the 400 foot high Orlando Eye. It’s a Ferris Wheel. If the idea of walking on a tightrope way the hell up there in the air wasn’t terrifying enough, then add in the Ferris Wheel. Amylynn has a well documented fear of the carnival ride. He’s going to ride all the way to the top Laurel-and-Hardy(eek!), then he’s going to crawl out of the passenger capsule  and walk on the outer rim WHILE IT’S MOVING. So when you wanna know who the hell Nik Wallenda is you can just remember he’s that idiot.

3. We go together like shamalamadingdong.  We can’t say enough how excited the Sisters are to be back together full time again. The only real problem with being together all the time is that we’re horrible influences on each other’s diet. Take for instance today at lunch. Our boss bought lunch because we worked straight through. On the way to the deli to order, Ava informed Amylynn that we would be getting one sandwich to share since we’re going on a diet. Then Ava ordered two pieces of rum cake and was going to order a slice of lemon, too, when things got dicey. We got into an argument in front of the counter mad maxperson because Amylynn wasn’t allowed to eat a whole damn sandwich but she could have two pieces of cake? This is how things go with us. It’s never dull. And our arguments sound an awful lot like they were scripted by Laurel and Hardy.

4. Tom Hardy. We have a bit of a crush on Tom Hardy. Much like the rest of the female population apparently. We don’t even care that he’s short-ish. Amylynn is like a midget (Ava likes to bring this up a LOT) so she’s fine with it. Ava can just wear flats. We can’t even contain ourselves over the cover of the Entertainment magazine from last week. Can you blame us? Look at that! Mad Max has never looked to good.

 

 

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