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Sadly, I have none of this on video

Sassy needed to have an MRI. I cringed at this. Last year her doctor wanted her to have one and it did NOT end well. One look at the MRI machine and, I think it’s fair to say, Sassy lost her shit. No matter what I told her – that nothing would touch her, it didn’t hurt, that I’d stay with her – would convince her to get into that machine. The doc let it go and we worked with her x-rays.

But, when things progressed rapidly over the last six months, the doctor insisted. The MRI had to happen. Sassy heard that and, once again, lost her shit. The doctor prescribed a sedative and I, for one, felt better about it.

She was with her grandmother when it was time to take her one tiny Valium.

“Oh my God,” Grandma told me when I picked Sassy up. “First we put it in applesauce. No go. Then she tried to just swallow it, but that didn’t work. Finally we managed by putting it in peanut butter and she chewed it up. I was about ready to hold her down on the floor like a dog and throw it into the back of her throat.”

“Did you try to hide it in a hotdog?” I asked, laughing. Sassy will NOT take a pill, even when it’s in her best interest.

By the time I picked her up she was getting a bit loopy. It doesn’t take much to get a skinny little 12-year-old with zero tolerance high as a kite. We swung by to get her daddy. When he hopped in the car, I said, “You’re daughter’s wasted.”

She giggled. She did a lot of that. And really loud whispering like drunks do because they think they’re being discreet.

At the imaging place I had to deal with a bunch of insurance crap (I hate insurance!), and I was really glad that My Honey was with me to babysit her. She kept thinking she could wander off and, if he hadn’t been there to watch her, it would have been a nightmare. The whole waiting room was amused by her antics as it was apparent she was wiped out on something.

“I’m going over there,” she announced with an exaggerated arm gesture.

“No,” My Honey said. “Just sit here and chill.”

“I got a pill for that!” she announced. “It’s ok, though, cause it’s prescription.”silly walk

There was a momentary freak out when she saw the machine again, but I managed to get her in to it this time. When she emerged 15 minutes later she stage whispered, “I felt like Superman!” And then she giggled.

She also kept seeing imaginary kitties all over the place. “Hey,” she’d exclaim. “I just saw a kitty over there. Here kitty, kitty, kitty.” And then she’d try to do that silly walk from Monty Python down the hall, all while giggling furiously.

Also, we had a pretty good discussion about Mount Rushmore of all random things.

When I dropped her and My Honey off at home, she slithered out of the car and  waved her arm wildly. “Happy 4th of July!”

When it was all over and she started to come down, she called me when I was back at work. “It’s wearing off. Now I can’t remember anything. I sorta remember something about peanut butter.”

“Oh honey,” I told her. “Don’t worry. Your father and I remember all of it.”

And it’s sure to makes its way into the wedding toasts some day.

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