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Maybe I should have saved some of that Valium for him

My Honey came in from the front yard tonight limping.

I gave him a look. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I stepped on a stick in the front yard.”

I followed him to the bedroom while he drug his hind leg down the hall like some ham actor playing Shakespeare’s King Richard.

He flung himself on the bed and stuck his foot in my direction. “Is there a hole there?”

I looked at his enormous foot. There was a largish black circle in the pad. “Yep. Want me to see if there’s a sticker in it?”

“Yeah,” he whined. I pinched the skin and he screamed like a girl. I’d like to mention that my husband is a big man. Tall, broad, big. The scream was especially high pitched.

“Yep, there’s something in there.” I left the room to fetch the tweezers, a needle, and a tourniquet. He looked at me like a caged dog when I came back with my instruments of torture. “Do you want to try it first?”

He nodded and I relinquished the tools. He touched his foot with the needle then flung himself backwards on the bed. “OH MY GOD!! It hurts.” He panted a few minutes while I giggled. “Go find me a flashlight woman.”

“How about your glasses?” It is with a great deal of glee that I took him to his first eye doctor appointment a couple of weeks ago and he learned he required glasses. As a long time wearer of glasses I was thrilled to see this proof of him growing older right along with me.

He glared at me. “Yes, my glasses and a flashlight.”

I shone the light, and he poked gingerly at his foot. “Oh my God, I think it’s in the bone.”

“Give me the stupid needle.”

He flopped down on his stomach on the bed. “Wait, I’m going to need a leather strap to bite down on.”

I know where my daughter gets her drama over aches and pains.

“Okay,” I said, “Which foot is it again?”

“The one with the tree sticking out of it,” he told me like I was the crazy person.

Eventually I got most of it out. “We’ll have to wait and take another look at it tomorrow,” I told him.

“Put some medicine on it,” he begged.

“You’ll get it all over the sheets,” I protested.

“Okay – let’s just wait until I get gangrene all over the sheets instead.”

Eye roll.

 

2 Responses to Maybe I should have saved some of that Valium for him

  • Ki Pha says:

    Wow, that must really hurt. Like how did that happen in the first place? He should have been wearing his glasses. You did tell him that right?

    • thequillsisters says:

      At the very least he shouldn’t be tromping around the yard in the dark with no shoes! We live in the desert for god’s sake!

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