May 15

Today, Amy was asked to go to a clients office and pick up some paperwork so said client wouldn’t have to fax a bazillian pages over. Ava knew exactly which client it was and said, “You’re not going.” Said client is an infectious disease doctor. INFECTIOUS. The name says it all. What fool would go over there and risk an infectious disease for some paperwork? That fool would be Amy. An argument ensued. Amy won but not without promising to, “not touch a god damn thing over there, refuse to shake anyone’s hand, and don’t look anyone in the pink eye.” When she returned, Ava doused her in hand sanitizer which amused the hell out of their co-workers. While Amy’s in quarantine, you be amused by the following:

1. Dr. Zucker. The world’s best eye doctor lives right here in the desert. He’s left handed just like Ava and the boy who lives at her house and he’s smart and funny. You will never be so well entertained by any doctor ever after you meet him. He does have one flaw – he’s in his fifties and he has a 17 month old and a 3 month old. No, not puppies. Babies. Ava keeps asking him if he’s nuts. She keeps pointing to the boy and saying, “This

Yeah, that looks exactly like Phil. Shoot it.

is what they turn into. Are you nuts?” Nuts he might be, but he’s still the best eye doctor ever.  Go over to Accent on Vision if you can and become a patient.  Instead of retiring to Miami he’s going to need to send those babies to college.

2. Turkey sandwiches are good, but really? We don’t know what is going on lately, but you couldn’t pay us any amount of money to go turkey hunting. We counted exactly three incidents in the last several weeks of one person mistaking another for a turkey and shooting the first one. In one of the incidents – this one in Maine – a wife shot her husband – in the face! The police man who reported to the scene was reported as saying, “We don’t really know for sure what she was shooting at. Obviously, she didn’t want to shoot her husband.” We don’t think that’s obvious at all! You don’t know what the hell was going on it that car on the way out there. In fact, she might have even said, “When we get there, I’m shooting you in the face.” The good news is that his injuries were not life threatening. He should consider himself warned.

3. Mmmmm, breakfast. You probably have never considered chicken for breakfast. We certainly hadn’t. But then we were schooled. Behold the Chicken Minis. These yummy bites come from Chick Fil A. It’s a real chicken nugget in between wee fluffy biscuits and spread with honey. We know! And we assure you they taste as glorious as they sound. If you think you’ll just eat one or two, you’re wrong. They’re so yummy you’ll need seven of them. Or so. We’re not saying we ate seven of them, but we are saying you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself if you do.

4. Obviously alcohol was involved. The police in Massachusetts are urging their citizens not to get drunk and chase wild bears with a dull hatchet through the woods. Yes, they actually had to say that out loud. That’s disturbing enough when you contemplate that these warnings always come about because someone has already done it. The police arrested a man doing just that. “We’re still trying to figure out what his end game was,” the North Adams police stated. They suggest – and reasonably so – that if you see a bear you should leave it alone. This is excellent advice. And in the best case of police reporting EVER, they ask you to consider the following: “We certainly don’t need anyone going all Davy Crockett chasing it through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet.” Hmmm. We don’t know. Maybe we do. Anyone who does that probably deserves what they get.

5. BB King. King of the Blues World Wide. The Sisters have seen BB King live many times. We’re big fans and we’re saddened to see the news today of his passing. He’s not been well for a long time. In fact, the last time we saw him he seemed much slower and diminished than he ever had before. Farewell, Mr. King. You were a joy