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He was hoping for an Indiana Jones type booby trap

Sassy had her birthday this past weekend. After her party a few of her girlfriends came home with us to spend the night. Four of them to be exact. My Honey promptly fled the house because he’s a coward.

I want to say up front that five twelve-year-old girls make a hell of a lot less noise than three ten-year-old boys. Seriously. The boys run up and down the halls, screaming and shooting Nerf guns, then get into a fight before become best friends again five minutes later. Repeat as necessary. The girls on the other hand disappear into a bedroom and are never seen from again unless it’s to troop off to the bathroom in teams of two or to sidle out to the kitchen to squirrel food away in the bedroom. Every once in a while you’ll hear a squeal or a rapid burst of giggles, but it’s nothing compared to the nonstop screeching that went on with the boys for eight hours before they collapsed in a stinky, sweaty heap.

Also, as implied, the girls smell considerably better.

Also, the mess made by the boys was evident in every single room in my house. The girls’ mess was localized in her bedroom. Granted, it looked like a Justice store collided with a mall food court and they exploded — clothes and chip bags and soda cans e v e r y w h e r e — but the living room and kitchen were untouched.

Once the girls were in Sassy’s room with the door barricaded, the Bandit took this as a challenge. He spent the first Indiana Jonesthree hours trying to perfect booby traps over her bedroom door.

“I need your help,” he told me.

I shook my head. “I can’t help you. All I can do is turn a blind eye. You have to figure out ways to torture your sister and her friends by yourself.”

He was met with frustration. Primarily this seemed to center around Jojo Kitty sabotaging the traps before the girls could be lured out to set them off.

“Make your cat stop it at least,” the Bandit begged.

“Honey, think this through,” I said. “Your primary material is string. The cat is required to kill the string. That’s just evolution. Must. Kill. String.”

I’m not sure what cartoons my kid is watching in the mornings but he kept yelling, “Curses!” and “Foiled again” when Jojo released another fine trap.

Ultimately my boy gave up and we watched Guardians of the Galaxy.

It was pretty much a perfect night.

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