June 26

In three short weeks the Sisters are going to New York City. We’re so excited; we can barely contain ourselves (We won’t be contained!). We can’t wait to be in the world’s most exciting city, see all our friends, talk with our editors and agents, and generally geek out over books. Also, we’ve picked out bakeries we want to visit, egg rolls we want to eat, and zeppoli vendors to pester. Honestly, we’ll be like two fat and happy cats in the biggest bowl of cream in our lives. We do however have a bit of a Cinderella problem. We have nothing to wear. That will make packing light much easier, eh? Part II of that problem is that, since we have real jobs now, we don’t have time during the day to run all over the world shopping for what we need. Hello internet! So far Lands End has been recruited to work on the wardrobe. We’ll let you know how that goes. While you’re laughing at our misfortune, you can laugh at this stuff, too.

1. We kind of get it. This week Facebook stock surpassed Walmart stock on the Standards and Poor 500 index. We’ll admit, we don’t spend a lot of time watching the stock market. In fact, zero minutes is the time that comes to mind. We leave that to people who enjoy watching paint dry. Granted the market directly effects our jobs and our savings, but it’s so booooooring. If the people at stock exchange got themselves a fuzzy mascot we can pretty much guarantee that our interest would skyrocket. All that being said, even with our limited knowledge, the Walmart/Facebook connection makes a ton of sense. You’ve seen those “People Who Shop at Walmart” websites and you’ve certainly seen how people dress on Facebook. Clearly we’re talking about a lot of the same audience.

2. Holy flapping birds, Batman! The people of the English countryside are being terrorized again. It wasn’t that long ago that we told you about a “lion” roaming around over there. Now they’re freaking out about a “Giant Rhea Bird”. If you don’t know what a rhea is – just think ostrich–so BIG bird. The residents of Nottinghamshire are being instructed not to approach the bird because it poses a very real threat to the public. At six-feet-tall it can disembowel an adult with one swipe of it’s talons. Don’t think you can run either. These things can run up to 40 miles an hour. Even worse, they’re described as “quite stealthy”. So basically we’re talking about a velociraptor here. The animal escaped from a private collection. Why anyone would have a private collection of evolved dinosaurs, we don’t know. Stay in your houses people.

3. This can’t be healthy for the amphibian. Your first instinct when hearing this story is to assume it happened in Florida. That’s where all this weird nonsense usually goes on, but no. This time we’re visiting LaPorte, Indiana. Of course we’re talking about an arrest. Our refined and sophisticated perpetrator was charged with trespassing. That in and of itself is not so interesting. Here comes the good part. He was trespassing on the property of a bar. When the police took him away it was because he was dancing in the parking lot while licking toads. Two of them. Not at the same time, because that would be ridiculous. No, he licked first one toad and then found himself a second unwitting participant. Apparently the employees and patrons of JJ’s Sideout Bar and Grill found this disturbing. However, according to the article, the reason he was thrown out of the bar in the first place was because he was unable to show identification. We’re certain his behavior in the bar up to this point was exemplary. The police state that he possessed a “blank look on his face but no pupil dilation to suggest he was under the influence of any drugs.” We assume that’s why he was licking the toad in the first place. We’ll also bet this was the best night in that bar in forever.

4.It’s a good thing ankles aren’t tasty. So a gentlemen in Aspen, Colorado made the perfectly innocent decision to take a quick nap on his backyard deck. The neighbor’s dog wandered over and gave his toes a little lick. Mr. Rizzuto reached down and gave the doggy a scratch and said, “Nice doggy.” Only the “doggy” wasn’t the German Shepherd he thought it was. In fact, it was a bear. Mr. Rizzuto, as you can imagine, was shocked. We suspect the bear was also a bit surprised to have been found out. Mr. Bear took Mr. Rizzuto’s ankle in his mouth, but didn’t break the skin. They stared at each other for a heart beat and then the bear wandered away. Mr. Rizzuto took the opportunity to get his ass in the house. The Parks and Wildlife official made a point of telling the good citizens of Colorado that they probably shouldn’t pet the bears–even if they’re currently licking your foot. For some reason, the Sisters feel like this statement is directed toward us. We can honestly say that we’d probably pet that bear. Think of how epic that blog would be!

5. Oh, Canada! Do you recognize that map? We gave you a big hint. We’ll be honest, we didn’t when it was presented to us with no helpful hints. We recognize the hell out of Canada when Minnesota is represented there on the bottom to give us a frame of reference. John Oliver described it as, “…basically five hockey rinks surrounded by bears.” John Oliver is always putting maps on the screen and telling us they are one country when they’re actually another.  It’s very funny even if it makes you realize how dumb you are.  The Sisters can always recognize China because Panda’s live there and we’ve got that country memorized.