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I’m willing to eat a dozen or more until I get a fortune I like

The Sisters love Chinese food. We eat what’s considered Chinese food in the desert where we live, all the while knowing that real Chinese food is made elsewhere like New York City or San Francisco.

Nevertheless, I might be the only person in the entire world who actually likes to eat the cookies. I have no problem at all with eating Ava’s or My Honey’s cookies after they’ve extracted their fortunes.

That’s what brings me to the point of this blog. fortune cookie

I collect the good fortunes and keep them in my wallet. I use them to cover the hideous picture on my driver’s license. I’ve actually had them laminated to protect them from curling and abuse.

Here’s my favorite: Three times a week, treat yourself to dessert.

Isn’t that brilliant? You’d have to be a fool not to follow that advice.

So today at lunch I was all excited to get to my fortune. You never know, this one might tell me that I need to go adopt a kitten or something RIGHT NOW.

Here’s what it said: Visit a park, enjoy what nature has to offer.

What the hell is that crap? Anyone who knows me know I don’t do nature. Nature is something to endure on the way from the house to the car to the mall. I don’t want you to think I’m a complete clod. I appreciate nature – from a window. I adore rain – while I’m inside the house. Snow is great – on a mountain far, far away. I love pictures of nature. I’m happy to watch a movie or television show about nature – especially if there is a fuzzy animal starring in it.

But every time I venture out into real nature I encounter bugs and sunburn and weather. There’s dirt out there. Ick.

No thanks. That must have been your cookie. Give me another one.

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