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Logan’s Run

The Great Outdoors. There’s a sentence you never hear the Sisters using. Unless we’re using it to get the kids to go outside and leave us in peace. Then we make it out like the outdoors are GREAT! “GREAT!” We shout. Go out there and see for yourself!

Tonight, I settled into my Barcalounger with a nice cup of tea and my September fashion magazines (I’m sure you all know that September is THE month for fashion mags – I believe the September issue of Vogue weighs in at 8 lbs this year.) and prepared to happily devour them while watching television. I can’t just read – I have to read and watch TV – I can’t explain that. Anyhoo, I look up and there on the screen are people OUTSIDE. And not in a garden or backyard like on HGTV but OUTSIDE.

Ahhhhh - the Great Indoors

Ahhhhh – the Great Indoors

“What the hell is this travesty?” I say.  I want to mention here that Ed and the girl who lives at my house are crazy, just so you know.

One of the lunatics says and I swear this is true “It’s a new channel called Outside.”

I know, you have questions. I did, too.

“What does that mean?” I ask.

*eyeroll* “It’s about people who go outside and do things. You won’t know any of them.”

“You’re damn right I won’t know any of them. All of my friends work hard so they can keep a house roof over their heads. They’re not OUT there pretending they’re homeless for a camera crew.”

“Be quiet or we won’t let you stay and watch the next show.”

Seriously? What part of this conversation made the girl think I wanted to watch any show on the OUTSIDE channel?

“The next show features all of the new fall fashions for camping, hiking, and such.”

What the hell is that?

What the hell is that?

And she wasn’t kidding – it was sponsored by Vogue. I’m still never going outside for more time then it takes to get to the car but I happily watched the next hour while I read my magazines.

I even ordered a nice blanket you’re supposed to use camping but I’m going to use it on my chair – it’s the perfect shade of red.

For some reason Ed was annoyed. He mumbled something about my super power of being able to shop at any time and anywhere. It’s not my fault it’s fall fashion time and let me remind everyone – I did not select the TV show we watched now did I?

 

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