If it works out, we’ll think about doing a TED talk

I watched a DIY primer on animal smuggling. The show was on the National Geographic Channel and it was presented as a cautionary tale on the dangers of smuggling endangered animals. I considered it more of a Smuggling 101.

Basically I learned a couple of valuable nuggets of info – some are sort like, duh. You know how introductory classes are. But still, you have to take it. The 200 series classes have it as a requirement.

Not in pants. No!

1. Do not try to smuggle tiny monkeys in your pants. Tiny monkeys don’t like being shoved in your crotch for seven hours. You wouldn’t like it either.
2. Tiny turtles have salmonella. It’s a good thing we’re not interested in turtles. However, Operation Flying Turtle is a great name for a caper.
3. Smugglers – or at least the actors who play them on TV – are very sweaty people. You’d think if it was true, that’s all the customs agents would have to look for. “Oh look, Bob. There’s another sweaty one.”
4. If, at some point, you think to smuggle a different baby monkey in a fake pregnancy belly you should probably rethink that plan. When it wakes up it’s not going to be happy and it’s right next to your belly. Gads!
5. George is a great name for a monkey. We suspect they were thinking he was curious.
6. All the smugglers try to fly into LAX. Why would you do that? Don’t go to Los Angeles, idiot!

I’m ready for my final. I’m going to ace this.