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January 29

5-things12Amylynn’s assistant quit yesterday. The first words everyone said when they found out was, “Oh my God. What did you do to her?” The truth was, nothing. We all got along just fine. The company has already found a replacement. They’re promoting another member of the team to work with Amylynn. She’d going to be great. We already think she’s a smarticle. Here’s the problem. She’s about 20-years-old, weighs about 100 pounds when carrying a twenty-pound weight, and she’s very quiet. If there’s three things the Sisters aren’t, it’s young, skinny, and quiet. She’s going to continue to age, and Amylynn will put her mind towards fattening her up, but there’s not much we can do about quiet. We’re sorta afraid she doesn’t think we’re funny and that’s going to go badly for everyone. In our bid forkinkajou a coup, we’re still trying to manipulate a way to get Susanna-the-world’s-greatest-receptionist over to us. We’ll bide our time and work on the new assistant. Meanwhile, here’s some stuff that distracted us this week.

1. Nothing good ever happens here. A 90-year-old woman in Miami woke up to find an animal sleeping on her chest. She thought it was a cat at first. But then she looked more closely at the animal and the animal got a good look at her. They both screamed and ran away. It turns out the animal was a kinkajou. We don’t know what it sounded like when it screamed, but we’re imagining something squeaky. They’re part of the raccoon family and they’re from Central and South America. It looks very cuddly. It turns out it is a locked keyspet belonging to a neighbor. Somehow it got out of its house and wandered into the old lady’s. Then we guess it got tired and needed a nice snuggle. If this was our Kinkajou we’d name her Lola.

2. If we were to start burgling… We laughed when we read this story because it sounded like how things would go if we’d started a life of crime. This happened outside Fairbanks. Lots of good news stories come from Alaska. Those people are amusing. The plot of the story has a fellow accused of taking $6,000 from a laundry and a fitness business. We’re not sure if the laundry and fitness place are connected, but it’s a brilliant concept. Do a little weight lifting and Zumba while your clothes fluff and fold. Anyway, surveillance footage shows our guy maneuvering his car as close as possible for easier loading. That’s exactly what we panda republicwould do, too. Carry things as little as possible. If we could park on the sidewalk we would. After that, things take a bad turn. It seems he managed to lock his keys in the car. Thus the inept burglar was apprehended. Note to self, get one of those magnetic key holders to keep under the fender as part of Life of Crime starter pack.

3. Panda Republic. If you have the chance to catch this show on Animal Planet you should do yourself a favor. Panda Republic is adorable and funny and will give you a whole new respect for panda sex. And Jack Black who narrates it is, of course, a brilliant choice. If there wasn’t empirical proof pandas are real, we’d swear they were an broncoanimatronic dreamed up by Disney. Few things are funnier than rambunctious pandas stealing shoes. Indulge yourself.

4. The “horsey” team. The Sisters don’t normally involve themselves in sports – have you seen us? We are not “sporty”.  However, Ava used to live in Denver and was forced by the entire local population to be a Broncos’ Fan.  Those Denver people take that very, very seriously.  When they found out she didn’t have any “Bronco Wear”, sixteen people brought her t-shirts the next day.  Her children are Bronco fans because they were born in Denver and that’s the law.  It was also mandatory that you send John Elway a Christmas card every year and buy all of your cars from oneDr Evan of the John Elway dealerships. Also, she is considered to be something of a good luck charm for them because the first two years she lived there they won the Superbowl.  Never mind that they didn’t win the last five years she was there. Go Broncos!

5. Our hero. This guy is all over the internet right now, but there’s still a few of you who may not be aware. You know here at the Quill Sisters we’re all about public service announcements. Dr. Evan Antin is a veterinarian. He’s flown all over the world to treat exotic animals and is now based out of a clinic in Conejo Valley, California. Read about him here. Our veterinarian is very nice, but he’s not this cute. If you’re in Dr. Evan’s area, take your animal in for a quick physical. We’re sure your fuzzy buddy needs some booster shots or something. Let us know how it goes. We’re pretty sure that the Bright kitties could use a check up, but no one is going to let us pack up all the animals and go on a road trip. More’s the pity.

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