April 22

Earth Day. We love Earth. It’s our favorite planet. It’s very pretty from outside our windows and in pictures from people who go outside. Also, its the only planet we’ve visited – so far – so our frame of reference is limited. As far as we’ve been able to ascertain it’s the only planet with coffee, cake, and fuzzy, sweet animals with nap-warmed tummies. As we’re sure you could imagine, it would take an awful lot to seduce us away from those things. Besides, there’s no way of knowing if aliens would think we’re funny. We have plenty of trouble with that on our own planet. These are some things we paid attention to this week.

1. And now Ava uses this catch phrase all the time. The British National Environmental Research Council has a new polar research vessel. It’s essentially a big-ass boat to go to the top of the world and check stuff out. Remember the research ship that Leonard went on in The Big Bang Theory? It’s like that. So the Council made a contest for the people of Britain to name her. They were looking for something science-y and dignified. That was poor planning if they were leaving it up to the masses of the internet. You’ve probably all heard by now that Boaty McBoatface was the winning name by leaps and bounds. We think that’s hysterical, and apparently so do many other people. There were some other excellently silly suggestions: RRS Onion Knight, RRS I Like Big Boats & I Cannot Lie, and RRS Capt’n Birdseye Get Off My Cod. We’d like to share one more piece of brilliance with you. A while ago Greenpeace put out a poll to name a whale in hopes of promoting conservation and the winner was Mr. Splashy Pants. Bwahahahahahaa.

2. And another one. Amylynn is beside herself with excitement that hockey is coming back to our backwater town. The NHL team in Phoenix is in talks to move their minor league farm team to Tucson. The details haven’t been ironed out yet, but Amylynn insists on thinking positively. So there’s already a poll for what we should call them. Do you see where this is going? Even though it’s funny, we’re not voting for Teamy McTeamface. No, Ava, we’re not!

3. Totally Bummed. Amylynn called Ava a liar when she told her Prince had died. This has been a really shitty year for this kind of thing. David Bowie, Merle Haggard, Glenn Frye – Jeez, we weren’t prepared for Prince. Big fans of both the movie and the corresponding album, we love Purple Rain. If you recall, it wasn’t that long ago that His Royal Purpleness was a Favorite Thing because of that stupendous passport photo. He was an amazing musician. He had a hell of a personality. And he will be sorely missed. Baby, you’re a star!

4. Trolls. We can now die happy. Entirely by accident, we found Ray Dyson. We don’t remember what led us to him, but there he was on the internet. The Guinness Book of World Record’s site to be exact. Mr. Dyson is a Canadian man who collects trolls. You know, the little dolls with goofy hair. Some of the guys from his work told him he looked like a troll so he bought one. The rest is history. Or an example of a obsessive compulsive disorder. Either way, he now has 1,754 of them. No notice in the story on whether or not he has a wife, but the article did state the dolls take up two full bedrooms in his house. That probably answers the question.

5. Behold! Ava texted this bracelet to Amylynn with no context. All the information she gave was that it was Tiffany and had 1,800 diamonds in it. A massive internet search took place, but no evidence of this bracelet was discovered. Ava has a tendency to find these unicorns in magazines, never to be found again. We can’t report to you how much it costs, but if we had to hazard a guess, we’re pretty sure the ad said, call for pricing which is ridiculous because if you can afford to consider it you don’t need to worry about the freaking price.