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What would Grace Kelly say? I can’t imagine.

We were coming home from Target when the Bandit informed me he wants a gold Corvette.

“No,” I told him.

“What do you mean, ‘no?'” he asked.

“You can’t have a gold Corvette.” I said.

This is the hideous vehicle I'm imagining

This is the hideous vehicle I’m imagining

“Why?”

“Because that would be ugly,” I explained.

“Nuh uh.” He responded with a classic. “I’m getting one.”

“They won’t make a gold one. There are rules.”

He laughed. “What’s wrong with you? I can have a gold Corvette.”

“I said no. It’s not possible. I won’t allow it. Besides, they won’t make them in gold.”

“You’re crazy,” he told me. “I’ll take it to a paint shop and have them do it.”

“Nope. You’ll go in there and say, ‘Hey, I want you to paint my car g–‘ and they’ll interrupt you before you even finish. They’ll shake their heads and say, ‘Sorry, the big book of rules says no. Besides, your mother already called.'”

“Really,” he said skeptically. “What would Ava say?” There’s a dare in his voice.

“She’d agree with me.” I know this to be true because Ava hates anything with gold trim. I always buy purses with gold hardware because then she won’t steal them from me. Still, there are limits. A gold car is beyond the pale. There’s no way my Sister would like a gold Corvette. No possible way.

He pointed to my phone. “Then call her.”

I think this is what he's imagining.

I think this is what he’s imagining.

I did. I put the phone on speaker. She answered on the second ring. “Hey, your nephew here wants a gold Corvette. What say you?”

Then my sister betrayed me. “I think that is an excellent idea.”

“What?” I’m genuinely shocked. “I can’t believe you’re saying this. Why would you allow that?”

“It’s the Jersey in me,” she admitted. She’s right. Any hideous car accessory she see’s, she wants. For God’s sake she’s convinced that she wants a spoiler on her Jaguar. It’s ridiculous.

I hung up on her. Encouraging my son to indulge his low-rent proclivities is completely  treacherous. A gold Corvette. Gads.

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