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Such a betrayal

My kid just made me try some weird Oreos.

  • Peanut Butter – chocolate wafer, peanut better cream filling.
  • S’mores – graham cracker flavored wafer with some sort of strange marshmallow cream filling.
  • Blueberry – vanilla wafer with “blueberry” cream.

Full disclosure: I LOVE Oreos. The proper way to eat them is not to pull apart and lick the filling. Nor is it to dunk them in milk. The only acceptable way to eat Oreos and hope to get maximum cookie satisfaction is to shove the whole thing in your mouth at once, chew it up, and drink like a quarter glass of ice-cold whole milk to wash it down. That, dear Internet, is a guarantee of cookie nirvana.

Therefore, when I was approached with these three new flavors I was willing to give them a go.oreo, peanut butter

I’m telling you, if you’re given the opportunity, don’t do it.

I have no idea what kind of Satan-loving communist came up with these but they should be shunned and made to eat nothing but cookies with raisins for the rest of their lives.

You’d think a person who is willing to eat peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon would be a surefire fan of a peanut butter Oreo. You’d be wrong. Ick. oreo, smoresThat’s the most complementary thing I can say about it. Ick.

The s’mores one was the least offensive of the three. I didn’t really get the graham cracker flavor from the wafer and the marshmallow was definitely not something I would have identified as marshmallow without being told that’s what they were going for. Just bad.

Do not put that blueberry atrocity in your mouth. Just don’t do it. Blueberry is my favorite fruit for pancakes, pie, and muffins. It seemed reasonable that I could usher cookie right into that pantheon. I could not. That cookie was awful. It wasn’t fit to feed to the dog. My dog only ate it because he’s not at all discerning. He’ll eat cat poop if given the opportunity. Oreo, blueberry

I did not finish any of these “cookies”. They were bad. I had to eat two regular ones just to get the taste out of my mouth and to remind myself that regular Oreos really are very yummy.

Dear Nabisco people,

Stop yourselves. Just stop.

~Sincerely Amylynn Bright on behalf of cookie lovers everywhere

 

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