We may be walking wounded, but we’re back!

HI!!!!

Boy, have we missed you, dear internet, and we’re sorry that we’ve been away so long. Honestly, we just needed a vacation. We’ve been writing this blog for 7 1/2 years – 2,503 posts – and we were feeling a bit sucked dry. That and our day jobs have been crazy busy with overtime and stress and we frankly didn’t have anything left after we got home.

But we’ve missed you.

So many things have happened.

We’ve had long loved pets pass away, another one disappear for 3 weeks, and yet another one come to live with us. There have been slight job changes for the better – things that will make us feel more creative again. Lots of stuff has gone on and we look forward to getting you all caught up on our shenanigans.

We thought we’d start with a ludicrous story to get us back in the groove.

There is a weird thing growing on my left thumb. It’s been there for a while – I first mentioned it on Facebook earlier this month.

I did not follow this advice, but several people commented that it wasn’t as crazy as I thought. Still, no.

I will tell you that I’ve poked it, squeezed it, stabbed it, soaked it, and pushed on it – all with no good effect. I’ve wrapped it in hot compresses and iced it. Nothing helped, in fact it looked worse.

The girls at work were certain it was a spider bite. I flat-out refused to discuss that possibility. I’m telling you, dear internet, I would not survive that diagnosis; I am that afraid of spiders. Just the thought….shiver.

I finally made an appointment with my doctor because it wasn’t going away and it seriously hurt. I was informed that I have a ganglion cyst and that I should, “leave it alone and it will go away. If you don’t like looking at it, then put a band-aid on it. Come back and see me in a month if it’s still bothering you.”

Ava started cruising the internet with this diagnosis. Her sister-in-law had one once and they whopped it with a book and it helped. Wikipedia did inform us that these are often referred to as Bible cysts because:

I’d like you to note that last part. She failed to mention that last bit of information. It seems pertinent.

She harassed me for an entire week to let me hit her with a book. She can be relentless. We have a huge one in our office that gives a horoscope reading for every day of the year. The two ladies we share our office with were skeptical but also a little blood thirsty and I firmly believe they were in. Our boss was excited at the prospect. The guy across the hall thought it was a brilliant suggestion.

Finally, by Friday the damn thing hurt so bad I caved in and let her do it. It took me three times before I could hold my hand still long enough for her to hit me. She did add her own sound effects – something that was wholly unnecessary. Her, “Thwack” was redundant compared to the actual noise of that book smashing my thumb.

I SCREAMED. LOUDLY. THERE WAS CURSING. AVA RAN AWAY. Our boss was mad that we did it without him. The rest of the office is fascinated with it and has added a laundry list of suggestions to cure it each of them more absurd than the last including covering it with Visine and using the canned air to freeze it.

I don’t think so.

Now I have an enormous purple thumb and it’s more swollen than ever. It’s richly painful and I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT LEAVE IT ALONE.

I finally got enough nerve to tell My Honey that I let her hit me. He looked at me long and hard. He finally admitted that one side of his brain thought we were idiots, but the other was just curious enough to wonder if it would have worked and understood why I finally allowed it.

And Ava’s still trying to get me to let her whop again. She’s texted me approximately 680 times over the weekend.

I’m calling the doctor tomorrow and requesting an amputation. Otherwise, Ava’s going to want to try to run it over with the car.