Zombies might solve all my problems

For those of you living outside of normal society where people watch the news and read the paper – or at least an online version of the newspaper – may be unaware that the Rapture has been predicted for Saturday, May 21 by Harold Egbert (!) Camping.  In conjunction with the Rapture, a zombie apocalypse has been predicted.  It’s all over

thinning the herd

 Twitter and the Internet.

The number one story at the Washington Post right now is an interview with one of my favorite bloggers, Thebloggess.com.  She has been forecasting the zombies for months now and people just haven’t been paying attention.

The zombie’s thing has so taken off that the website for the CDC (Center for Disease Control) even has a great tongue-in-cheek blog post with advice for creating a zombie preparedness kit.  They suggest, among other things, you have one gallon of water for each person per day.  They predict there will be refugee centers popping up fairly soon afterwards so you needn’t gather months worth of water. 

I mentioned the kits to Kelli and she pointed out that the refugee centers haven’t worked out all that well in Stephen King books.  There might be something to that – we should probably pay attention to Armageddon style books there may be more wisdom there than we initially thought.  I told Ava and Kelli to head to my mom-in-law’s house since she has three refrigerator/freezers plus a giant pantry full of food. 

An example of zombie friendly exercise

My Honey asked how to kill zombies.  I was like, “Duh, by chopping off their heads” but he was not convinced.  He thought it possible the body would still go even without a head. He has a good point since it’s all be speculation up to this point anyway since we haven’t had any zombies to experiment on.  He thinks we should try a couple of things out on Larry King, that way if it works on him we’ll have a decent idea of what will work on zombies.

I have been thinking about this all day and I’ve formulated a plan. 

* I’m actually looking forward to this Rapture thing.  There are going to be A LOT less annoying people around.  As a matter of fact, I’ve started pointing out people I hope the zombies take out right away.

*Consider that there will be hardly any lines at the movie theaters on Sunday when you want to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean coming out this weekend. 

*I don’ t see any reason why I shouldn’t run right out and charge up our credit cards to the limit.  If I’m only going to enjoy these things for like two and a half more days then I really need to get on this.  In fact, I’m a little angry at myself for having waited this long.

*I’m going to be able to release a bunch of aggression taking out the zombies.  Thebloggess recommends a samurai sword as her weapon of choice as they don’t require ammunition.  I don’t have a sword in the house but My Honey tells me there are several sharp implements in the shed out back so I’m not too concerned about it. 

*Ava thinks we’re going on a diet tomorrow.  That woman is completely high if she thinks I’m going to do that before the apocolypse.  I’ll get plenty of exercise  come Sunday – I’m sure I’ll slim right down and gain fat-burning lean muscle with all that running and zombie exterminating.

* Best reason of all? Beyond a doubt it’s NO WORK ON MONDAY!

All I have to say, when it comes right down to it, besides a few minor inconveniences, I really only see an upside to this whole thing.

Embrace the Zombies!  Well maybe not embrace, but you get the idea.