Thank goodness the dog doesn’t weigh much

This is the kind of story where you laugh until you snort, but you feel guilty about it the whole time.

In fact, just writing this post is making me giggle, but I am chagrined.

I got a message on my cell phone to call my father so he could tell me about how he almost killed his dog today. This does not sound like an auspicious start to a funny blog, does it? Just hang in there.  The payout is good.

So you know those cartoons where someone is in an elevator and, at the very last moment before the doors slide shut, their dog runs out leaving them holding the leash.  In next panel, the dog will be hanging from the leash stuck at the top of the closed doors.

Apparently, that really happens.

My father, who had a stroke a year and a half ago, took his dog, Delbert, for a walk today.  Because he’s still wobbly on bad days, he takes the elevator quite a bit to avoid tumbling down the stairs.  His family truly appreciates that he does this. 

Dad and Delbert hopped on the elevator after their morning walk and the stupid dog darted out just as the doors closed. In a panic, my dad started pushing buttons but he couldn’t get the doors to open or the elevator to stop until the third floor.

Ack!

Dad raced down the length of the hall and down the three flights of stairs. He took a spill on the sidewalk as he whipped around the corner to wobble his way back to the elevator to rescue the dog.

Now here is where you shouldn’t laugh, but you will and I’ll forgive you, dear reader.

Imagine my father, a 72 year old man with wild Albert Einstein hair and a pot belly, wearing slippers (he’s always wearing his “house shoes”) and an obnoxious t-shirt with a slogan like, “Who Farted?”  His running gait would have been sort of goofy and lopey, like a new born colt. I’m also certain he would have been hollering at the considerable top of his lungs, “Hold on, Delby! Hold on boy.  Poppa’s coming.”

You also shouldn’t assume that the above description is only relevant because of his stroke.  While he is a considerably different man since the incident, dignity has never been one of his strong suits.

“The look on Delbert’s face was classic,” Dad told me. “He was like, ‘Finally. Thank God you’re back. What the hell took you so long?’”

He found Delbert literally dangling from the top of the closed elevator by his collar, his leash threaded through the doors.

The maintenance guy had to come and retrieve the leash.

And Dad wonders why we don’t let him watch our kids.