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Just go back to bed

Today did not start out well.

I’d been up much of the night with a very upset stomach so when the alarm rang, I was not ready to get up. If I’d known how my morning was going to proceed, I’d have just turned off the alarm and taken my lumps. Instead, I got up and roused the children.

I wandered into the kitchen only to find garbage EVERYWHERE. To make matters even more delightful there was rice and noodles all over the place – the tile, the carpet, everywhere. Have you ever tried to sweep moist noodles and rice? You can’t. I’m here to save you the agony. So as I stalked through the house, stooped over to pick up the garbage, I discovered whatever Roscoe had eaten didn’t appeal to his stomach either because there was poop all over the family room carpet. Not nice poop you can scoop up with a paper towel either. No this was going to take rubber gloves and a bucket of solvent. Something I most definitely didn’t have time for this morning.

I headed back down the hall to make sure the boy was getting dressed only to find the cat throwing up in the doorway to my bedroom.

I swear, I am not making this up.

Before I knew it, the clock read 8:18. The drop dead time to get out of the house and into the car to get the kids to school is 8:15. That gives me enough time to deal with the traffic and the parking lot. So I gathered our stuff and proceeded to shove the kids and their backpacks out the door. I pulled the wooden door shut and just as the security screen door snicked closed, I realized I didn’t have my keys.

No house keys. No car keys. No keys of any kind.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I dug around for my cell phone. I got a hold of My Honey and he said he’d come and rescue us as soon as possible. Until then, we had no choice but to sit on the front porch bench and wait in the record low cold. The weather reports stated parts of town were getting snow.

Sassy was really irritated at me, because clearly I didn’t love her and I had done all of this on purpose just to mess with her. She informed me she was walking to school – a mile and a half away. Now in all honesty, I walked that far to school when I was a kid, but now our children are spoiled and pampered.

I called my mom to whine while I was waiting – forty-five minutes by the way, although who am I to complain? I’m the idiot. My mom, trying to make me feel better, said, “Well, it can’t get any worse.”

“Oh sure it can,” I promised. “I haven’t even made it to work yet. There is still plenty of opportunity for it to get worse.”

So far it hasn’t, but there are still many hours left till midnight.

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