NEW RELEASES
Get your e-book signed by Amylynn Bright
Amylynn's bookshelf: my-books



More of Amylynn's books »
Book recommendations, book reviews, quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists
Archives

Maybe we’ll try the carwash next

I made a tactical error. The Bandit didn’t want to take a bath or shower. He’s six years old so it’s not like his reaction was unexpected. That, however, does not matter. He’s smelly and dirty and looks like a ragamuffin. The boy needs to bathe.

Just like most six-year-old boys I have to supervise hand washing, teeth brushing, and face cleaning. He seems to think waving your hands in the general direction of the sink is sufficient.

It’s not.

We’ve already had the conversation where I assured him that spritzing Daddy’s cologne was not a substitute for a shower. Just the other day he appeared in the kitchen and declared himself ready for school. I knew he was coming because I could smell Farenheit at fifty paces.

His shower time seems to consist mostly of streaking bare-ass naked through the house. When I finally get him into the shower – with the water running – his primary activity becomes splashing water out onto the floor. Once I went in there to find out how things were coming along and found the ceiling dripping. I have no idea how he managed that since he’s about three feet too short to touch the shower head. He professed having no knowledge of how the water got up there. Of course he didn’t.

“Get in the shower,” I told him for what seemed the ten thousandth time.

He trotted off in the general direction of the bathroom. I wasn’t fooled. There are a lot of things that can side track a six-year-old boy on the way to the bathroom. Come to think of it there is a lot of things in the actual bathroom that can distract a six-year-old boy. There are rolls of toilet paper to be unrolled. Bottles of Momma’s expensive lotions to sample and mysterious substances to smear on the mirror. Don’t forget there’s a scale in there to pile things on top of.

Tonight I just couldn’t get the boy under the water. “Dude,” I told him with my hands on my hips. “You’re gonna get washed tonight one way or the other. If you don’t get in that damn shower I’m taking you out to the back yard and hosing you down with dishwashing soap.”

“Yeah! Let’s do that!” He took of at a run, headed for the back door in all his naked glory.

Oh shit.

I managed to catch up to him before he made it outside, but now he’s pissed because I took that offer off the table.

Leave a Reply

Copyright © 2013. All Rights Reserved.