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March 30

April Fool’s Day is coming. Prepare yourself. You should just all be happy you don’t live in the house with The Bandit. There may be nothing more unsettling than spending a whole day with a seven year old with wholesale permission to be a prankster. Expect mud in unexpected places, dog food in your breakfast, things in your bed. Boy, are we excited. These five things are not pranks. God’s truth. Enjoy.

  1. Hunger Games Barbie – Really. We couldn’t make this up. If we did, you wouldn’t believe us. You’d say to yourself, that’s just dumb. We agree. It is dumb. And totally impractical. Exactly how the hell is Katniss Barbie supposed to shoot a bow and arrow with any accuracy with those boobs in the way?
  2. Steven C. Schlozman.First of all, we love his name. Schlozman. Stretch out the “o”. Very satisfying isn’t it? Mr. Schlozman is actually Dr. Schlozman. He’s a Harvard psychiatrist and ZOMBIE expert. So at first you’re thinking, yeah – psychiatrists are always the crazy ones. He came upon the title innocently enough though. He’s been a zombie fan since childhood, but then he started contemplating why zombies have become so common in popular culture and why we found them so fascinating. Once he got past the clinical Jungian and Freudian nonsense, he started to have fun. He wrote a book “The Zombie Autopsies: Secret Notebooks from the Apocalypse” which is being made into a film by no other than George Romero – the grand daddy of zombie movies. Anyway the Sisters love anyone who buys

    The boy has teeth now, Alicia

    into crazy 100%, and Dr. Schlozman has done just that. He even went so far as to come up with the disease – ataxic neurodegenerative satiety deficiency syndrome (ANSD) to explain where zombies come from. Awesome.

  3. Wack-a-loon Celebrities. It has come to our attention that Alicia Silverstone feeds her 11 month old son, Bear Blu, by chewing up her food and feeding it to him like a baby bird. What the…. We’re fairly proud of the fact that we self-edited there, because that shit’s crazy. Not only has she saddled that child with the name Bear Blu but there’s that other thing, too. Is she not aware that a blender does that without the gross factor? If she doesn’t own a blender, then she could always get baby food at the store. It’s right there next to the pharmacy where she should be picking up her meds.

    The one in the middle makes our stomach hurt

  4. No more hoochies. It is becoming more and more evident that our daughters are growing up. The Girl Who Lives at Ava’s House is 11, Sassy is 9, and Bean is 8. Before you know it they’ll be going to their very own proms. Well, after their dates run the daddy gauntlet. This growing up thing is disturbing because we can’t help but notice how many young ladies these days are not dressing like ladies. So much so, in fact, that schools everywhere are creating power point presentations with examples of unacceptable prom dresses. In the Journal article they showed a girl in a bad dress so low it showed her tattoo. Her tattoo! Dear God, we’re having heart palpitations. It does not matter that 2 out of 3 Quill Sisters have tattoo(s). Our daughters will do as we say, not as we do. We’re popping right over to Alicia Silverstone’s pharmacy right after this.
  5. Clever people. We’ve already told you how much we enjoy wasting time on Pinterest. The thing is some of those funny posts really stick with us and we quote them throughout the day. This week’s little bon mot had to do with The Walking Dead. For those of you who don’t watch this show, first of all, you’re totally missing out and, second of all, you’re going to have no idea why this is so funny. The crux of the matter is that there are zombies everywhere and no one seems to be able to keep an eye on this kid. They constantly tell him, “Go in the house, Carl” yet when the zombie shit hit’s the fan, Carl is AWOL. It drives all of us insane. Perhaps our dear Daryl should just shoot him with that cross bow and put us all out of our misery. Whatever does end up happening to Carl, this picture says it all and makes us laugh uproariously every single time we see it.

2 Responses to March 30

  • Debby says:

    Two things about the lasses in dresses you can’t wear to prom. Does the one in purple (photo 2 of the rear) look like the bottom half (below the line) is turned around and angled like a shot of the front, not the back? What body shape IS that? i stared and stared trying to figure it out. And, could that ass on the one in gray possibly be real?

  • Amylynn's Mom says:

    And the Bandit is a direct relation to his wacky uncle Matthew. He was another person you did not dare to be around on April Fool’s Day. Oh I shudder to recall some of the pranks he has done to us on this greatest of days for people who are obsessed with duping other people. He did not stop at being a young boy either. Some of his worst tricks were well into his late twenties and early thirties. So, dear Amylynn, BEWARE!!!!

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