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No Frog Princes Here

Life’s funny.  Amylynn showed me an ad in a magazine for a TV show about people who have made a fortune making duck calls.  I kid you not – duck calls.  I had no idea that enough people needed to call ducks that you could make a fortune selling them.  Aside from all of the jokes I could make, let’s just say I had no intention of ever watching this show.  I have standards, people, and the line gets drawn at the Preppers on the Discovery channel.

Last night, I’m mindlessly flipping through the channels looking for something funny to watch for a few minutes and I stumble across the aforementioned show.

I paused for a second because until that moment I wasn’t really sure the show was real.  But I’m here to tell you it’s real.  I was instantly taken in by the interesting “look” of the duck calling clan.  There were three men and two women.  The two women looked fairly normal.  The men looked just like you’d think duck calling manufacturers would look.

Red necks, lots of camo, hats, and lots of yukky hair – everywhere.  Yuk.

Why did I pause you ask?  Well, let me tell you, one of the ladies has signed up to write a cookbook.  Yup, a cookbook from the wife of a man who makes duck calls for a living.  Admit it; you would have been curious too.  I’m thinking grits and biscuits with gravy – well, I’m thinking wrong.

It was late at night but she told Duck Boy #1 that she needed frogs – FROGS- for a recipe she was cooking in the morning and that he needed to take Duck Boys #2 & #3 out FROG hunting.  I shit you not.  Never in a million years could I, as creative and crazy as I am, come up with that to entertain you.

He made a pretense at being annoyed, it was the middle of the night and he did have his camo jammies on already.  The other two also appeared to be in lounge wear.  Luckily, it turns out that jammies and lounge wear are just perfect for frog hunting.  So, without having to change, they were off into the swamp around their mansion (they live in a mansion, in a swamp, where they make duck calls, really) to collect the needed frogs.

Duck Boy #1 tells us how it takes a special skill to steer the boat while the skilled frog hunter catches the frogs in a net.  After the skilled frog hunter scoops up a giant big fat frog, yuk, he flips the frog into the boat into an ice cooler.  Now here’s the funny part – the ice cooler has to be manned by a human.  He sits on the lid and at the exact right moment, jumps up, lifts the lids so the mighty frog hunter can drop the poor creature into the chest and then closes the lids and sits on it.  That’s his job. 

Duck Boy #1 explains that the cooler job can be handled by “any human” since no real skill is required.  He chuckled when he said “any human” because clearly it was an insult at Duck Boy #3.  The camera pans to the human on the cooler and he smiles.  He has just been severely insulted and he is, somehow, not upset.  Perhaps that’s why he sits on the cooler?  And just so you know, he had all of his teeth when he smiled.

I explained all of this to Amylynn today – that frog hunting is a metaphor for life – either you’re the frog hunter or “any human” sitting on the cooler.  She suggested I go to bed earlier.

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