What Do You Mean the Sun Doesn’t Revolve Around Me?
The girl who lives at my house came home with an extra credit science project last week. And trust me; she needs that extra credit like nobody’s business. Believe it or not – it was to build a solar system. How freakin’ unoriginal is that??? Why didn’t the teacher just give the option of a solar system or a volcano??? It could have been something fun – like breaking the sound barrier with fruit or using a homemade rocket to launch a magic eight ball into orbit – but NO.
Me: No matter what, we are not hanging the planets from a wire coat hanger.
Girl: Why not?
Me: Joan Crawford would not approve.
Girl: (Clearly annoyed) Can you just not be you for a second?
Me: (Clearly ignoring that comment) We’ll make it from produce. The sun can be a pumpkin.
Girl: You don’t even know how to buy produce. Daddy goes to the grocery store. There’s no cake in the fresh food aisle, I doubt you could even locate it.
So, we go off to the store, not the grocery store mind you, but to a hobby emporium. We couldn’t find anything that we could use that would be easy to make round and in the right sizes, except for Styrofoam balls. Now I know that was your first thought when I started this post but I’m here to tell you you can’t use Styrofoam balls. You want to know why? Because 10 of them cost $52.89. And you need special paint that doesn’t melt Styrofoam. That special paint cost $3.99 a can. We needed plan B.
Girl: We could make the planets out of rubber band balls.
Me: Yea, that won’t take forever.
Girl: You have to admit it would work. They make rubber bands in all colors now and we could make them in any size we need.
Me: That would be a great idea if you had mentioned it when you were born and I could have made one per year until you were 11 bringing us to today and your need to build a solar system. I’ve tried to teach you about planning ahead . . .
Girl: You’re insane.
Me: Why don’t we give your teacher the $52.89, I’ll bet that would get you all of the extra credit points.
As it turns out, I was replaced on the project by Ed. He broke the news to me gently, saying something about artistic differences and such. I hope the girl who lives at my house knows she’s never getting $52.89 out of her father for Styrofoam.