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May 18

Holy cow, it’s already getting hot. None of the Sisters will be seen outside again till sometime in late September, except when running from the house to the car, car to the mall, bakery, movie theater, etc. We are skeptical of those people out golfing or running (the horror) or hiking during the day. Listen to the siren song of the a/c vent, the Turner Classics Channel on television, and cool iced tea. Join us; come over to the pale side. You’ll like it here. We get a lot of reading done. And there’s this stuff, too.

  1. Chocolate chips. It was National Chocolate Chip Day this week. We hope you took full advantage. For future reference, if you put Nestle Toll House cookies in the microwave for about fifteen seconds you get absolute heaven. Pour yourself an ice cold glass of milk and turn on some cartoons – preferably Bugs Bunny or Road Runner, Scooby Doo will work in a pinch – and you have instant childhood. The problem is that your current children will find you snuggled up under that blanket on the couch and will ruin everything by demanding their own warmed cookies. By the time you get back from the kitchen, they will have turned on SpongeBob and you’ll never get that magic back. You know what, never mind. Go to a bakery and eat them alone in the parking lot. Honestly, there’s no shame in that.
  2. James Lipton. The famous Mr. Lipton of the Actor’s Studio gave some acting tips for Mitt Romney. He suggested that he could help Mr. Romney act like a “human.” We are gazing at Mr. Lipton with much skepticism. He gave him some suggestions on showing actual mirth when he laughs, saying that currently, “your laugh isn’t working.” Also, Mr. Lipton is against Mitt trying to show he’s a common man, and suggests that Mitt just go with his type casting. If you are unfamiliar with Mr. Lipton and his interviews with famous actors, you should check it out. If you really need a laugh, find the one with Mike Meyers or Robin Williams. You’ll laugh till you cry – with real mirth, not the Romney version.
  3. Cats on heads. We’ve been seeing this a lot since we posted the picture of the Groupon guy with the cat on his head. There’s the Bloggess, and Morgan Freeman, and now Morrissey. We’re not sure when this became such a thing, but clearly we were on the cutting edge of a meme. We considered teaching Jojo to do it but then he nibbles your ears and that makes us giggle which makes him topple off and that’s not good for anyone with all the scratching and screaming. Send us a picture of you with a cat on your head and we’ll make sure the internet knows all about it. You know you want to. We’ll even loan you a cat, just hold very, very still.
  4. Eclipse. Ava doesn’t care about the solar eclipse this weekend. She will care when the sun combusts into a fiery ball effectively ending the zombie apocalypse. This is cool stuff as far as Amylynn and Kelli are concerned. Amylynn even went and got the special glasses so she could show her kids. She has had a night sky app on her phone to identify constellations and planets for a long time. There’s groovy music and everything. Go get your glasses and enjoy. The ancient Mayans certainly did.
  5. Pooping diamonds. This isn’t as odd as it seems. No, actually it totally is. This guy in Windsor, Canada shoplifted a 1.7 carat diamond by swallowing it. He’s been arrested – nearly a week ago – and now he’s sitting in jail waiting for it to come back out. We find this a very amusing and creative way to shoplift. However, the Sisters are concerned that nothing has happened for a week. That seems wrong – even for the most constipated among us. Nevertheless, we’d wait patiently along with the Mounties because we don’t want you to think for one minute that, when properly sterilized, we’d balk at wearing a $20,000 diamond regardless of where it’s been.

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