The girl never liked dolls but maybe I never gave her the right kind . . .
Here’s a true story. Not that all of our stories aren’t true – because they are. But this one is really true, every word.
Ed, the person I’ve been married to for almost 25 years for some reason that I don’t know yet, has a boss he dislikes immensely. In fact, hate might not be too strong a word. This woman sits not five feet from him and sleeps on her desk. If I have to see one more photo of her on his cell phone, sleeping on her desk, I’m going to stab myself in the eye with a light saber.
Anyway, the other day Ed asked me what I knew about voodoo dolls. He wasn’t expecting me to know a lot but I am known to have knowledge of things that normal people don’t – things that might label me as crazy but really just make me Amylynn’s sister.
I was busy so I suggested a trip to Wikipedialand.
Several days later, I notice a voodoo doll factory set up on my dining room table. I also take note that the 11 year old girl who lives at my house is now involved. I say nothing because it’s best not to know a lot when the police show up . . .
Yesterday morning, on my trip to the kitchen for my six cups of coffee, I notice this incredible mess on the family room floor. There’s straw, fabric, twine, and other stuff I couldn’t identify. What I immediately know is that this is the work of our dog. Even as I get closer, I have no idea what this mess started out as until I pick up a small faux suede shirt. What the hell? Now I’m yelling at the dog – “Dog, where did you get this?”
Slowly, it dawns on me – it’s a voodoo doll. Well, it was a voodoo doll.
Since I don’t want the dog to get yelled at, I text Ed the following:
Me: “Ummmmmm, is Idiot Boss in horrible pain?”
Ed: “Not yet. Doll not done.”
Me: “Well, that depends on what your definition of done is. If you mean done in, due to being
chewed up by your dog, than you have the right of it. Considering the mess, she should need to go to the hospital shortly”
That evening, Ed asks me if I found the voodoo doll’s heart. You have got to be kidding me!? What the hell was written in Wikipedia? How many years in prison is that going to cost Ed? The heart turned out to be a plastic bag with a strand of hair and a paper clip in it which was sewed into the dolls chest. Don’t you feel better knowing that? I certainly did.
Text from Ed first thing this morning:
“Idiot Boss called in sick.”
Coincidence? I think not..
Have you ever made a voodoo doll? Who were you voodooing? Did it work? What’s your secret?