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June 8

Do you ever have one of those days where you’re just not feeling “funny”? Like amusing funny, funny haha as Joe Pesci so eloquently stated in Good Fellas. Maybe you don’t ever experience that sensation, but then again, maybe it wouldn’t concern you anyway because maybe you’re not trying to amuse the internet with your razor sharp wit and such. The feeling is a lot like those mornings when you have no idea you’re in a bad mood until you get to the office and find out that you’re in a horrific mood and you actually bite someone and then it’s all your fault that the apocalypse started and it wasn’t in Florida. Read below – see if we’re funny or not. Our feelings won’t be hurt. Well, actually we’ll totally get our feelings hurt, but leave us a comment about it.

1. Norman Reedus. We’ve mentioned this guy before in the guise of his character, Daryl, on The Walking Dead. Just so you don’t think we’re cheating or lazy we want to make it perfectly clear that this time he’s making the list on completely different merits. Amylynn was watching Boondock Saints the other night primarily because he’s one of the stars. She Googled him because he did such a good job with the Irish accent she wondered where he was from (Florida of all places, and he’s on the Walking Dead, coincidence?) and discovered that way back in the day he was a yummy model for Prada and had a love child with supermodel Helene Christianson. Who knew our crossbow shooting redneck had such a storied past.

2. Complaining. We do a lot of this and, regardless of what you may think about the conventional wisdom, we find it quite cathartic. We can complain about the weather regardless of the temperature, our jobs because they are the most awful of awful, or our children because that’s self explanatory. Really, there’s no limit to the things to complain about and we’re really, really good at it.

3. Found Money. It is the policy of each of our houses that money discovered in the washing machine or dryer is “found” money and thus becomes the property of the laundress regardless of the denomination. This week Ava found a twenty in the washer. Latte’s for everyone!

4. $2,000 dinner. This week Ava had to take Ed with her to a charity dinner because Bank of No Forks paid $10,000 for a table and they didn’t want it to go empty and God forbid embarrass the bank. So off they trudged to eat rubbery chicken. The whole thing irritated us. Think of the forks we could purchase with $2,000. So you know what she did? She stole the flatware. That’ll teach ‘em.

5. Glitter. That’s all. It makes us happy and isn’t that enough. Glitter is our favorite color. We have no idea why it was ever invented but we suspect it was a gay guy somewhere. We don’t really care if that’s politically correct or not. All the really good fashion stuff was invented by gay guys anyway. Sparkle Sparkle Sparkle (everybody wave your hands in the air).

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