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My boy’s nose grew three sizes today

Sassy and The Bandit had dentist appointments today.  The appointments were actually made because The Bandit chipped a tooth. Yes a permanent tooth. Sigh. When I got home from work last week and saw the damage, I just shook my head.

“Dude, you’ve only had that tooth, like, a year. Is that how you take care of your stuff?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. I get that look a lot.

“Really,” I continued, “You’re going to need that tooth for, like, 90 more years.”

I went in to the appointment with The Bandit cause he was quite nervous. Also, I wanted to be sure the dentist was properly stern about his appalling brushing habits.

With an absolutely straight face he told the dental hygienist that he brushed his teeth three times a day and ALWAYS flossed.

I fell off of the rolling doctor stool I’d appropriated.

Fortunately, she wasn’t falling for it. She pulled out the tooth polish and commenced to explain the procedure.

“What flavor is that?” he demanded.


He looked skeptical. “Are you one hundred percent sure it’s not mint. I really hate mint.”

“It’s not mint,” she assured him and kept her smile hidden behind her face mask.

He stared at her a good long time before he consented to open his mouth and allow her entry to clean his teeth. She tossed me a look across the room that said, “Dear God. Is he always like this?” I closed my eyes and nodded, because, yes, he is always like that.

Once she started cleaning, the boy got a bad case of Wandering Butt Syndrome. You know how that works. He started at the top of the dental chair and shrunk and slithered until he was half way down the chair.

“Sit up, please,” she said.

Up to the top of the chair then wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, he was half way down the chair again. Rinse, suck-y tube, repeat.

At the end of the appointment, he got a nifty toothbrush with a suction cup on the bottom. I’ve already found it stuck to various inappropriate places in the bathroom.


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