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She certain that’s what MacGyver would have done **Updated**

Once Ava got to work today, she realized that she had an after hours work-function she’d totally forgotten about. She didn’t feel that she’d dressed up sufficiently, that her make-up wasn’t fancy enough, and her hair was too bleh. We were also the only ones at work today so we were handling everything thus there wasn’t enough time to run to the mall to do anything about it.

After lunch she came to my office to see what make-up I had in my purse. “That purse weighs 90 pounds. Surely you have a black eyeliner in there.”

“Nope.” I don’t wear much makeup. In fact, on a day to day basis I think Ava has on more than me.

“I don’t believe you. There has to be some in there.”

To prove I didn’t have black eyeliner on me, we dumped my purse out on my desk and took inventory.

  • There was one fat wallet – not full of money, I assure you.
  • 2 brown bobby pins – one she prompty lost in the carpet
  • 1 very wee safety pin – completely useless unless you need to pin butterfly wings together or something
  • 1 very, very small bandaid
  • A checkbook – fairly useless, but still I cling to ancient technology
  • 1 stolen pen
  • 3 different thumb drives. I have no idea what is on two of them.
  • 1 Susan Elizabeth Phillips paperback book – Hot Shot – with a used envelope as a book mark.
  • An empty cell phone case with a pink cupcake on it. It’s adorable but mostly useless and I can’t bring myself to throw it away.
  • a mostly empty lotion bottle. You have to bang the crap out of it in order to get any to squirt out. Why don’t I throw it away? I have no idea.
  • Wicked Evil Apple Mints tin substituting as a Quill Sister business card holder
  • A leather holder with gift cards I will never use.
  • A White Out tape
  • Uber cheap, mega scratched sunglasses
  • a package of hair ties. I have to hide them if I want one to put up a ponytail. Sassy wears them by the dozens as colorful bracelets.
  • two packages of gum
  • Car/house keys – note they are in my purse, not locked in the car
  • Dental floss – in case I need to facilitate a prison break
  • a pretty stamped-tin I got at the Unicef store that holds Excedrin Migraine and RelPax – in case a headache threatens
  • several nail files in various levels of decay
  • miscellaneous business cards for editors and such I collected at the national convention. I threw most of them away.
  • 2 house keys I had made that don’t work. I haven’t figured out what to do with them yet. I can’t bring myself to throw them away because they are red and have ladybugs printed on them.
  • A wee notebook for jotting things down.
  • Book notes and plot map for a current Work In Progress
  • 3 lip glosses (Ava made me throw one away), pressed powder, 2 different concealers (in case I need to conceal a volcano on my chin) a mostly gone lipstick in my favorite shade (which I haven’t worn in at least 2 years), lip balm, and a sample of Ralph Lauren perfume.

Do you notice a conspicuous lack of black eyeliner? I suggested she race over to Target and I’d cover the phones. No – she didn’t want to do that. Mostly she wanted to whine that I didn’t have an eyeliner. She took the little handful of stuff I did have and disappeared.

Guess what she did. Guess. You’ll never guess. Never in a million years.

I swear to Zeus and Apollo and Hera above that she stole the black Sharpie from my desk and used it as an eyeliner.

“I used it as a mascara, too,” she proudly told me when I stared at her open mouthed.

I swear I can not make this shit up.

Ava defends herself –

I’m not totally reckless, I drew on my leg with the Sharpie to make sure I wasn’t allergic to it before I put it on my eyes.  Did you all notice how Amy tried to avoid the blame for this?  Her purse weighs 19 lbs.  How, in the name of all that’s holy, was there not an eyeliner in there??  How?


2 Responses to She certain that’s what MacGyver would have done **Updated**

  • Tara Simone says:

    Where do I begin? That office is a sit-com waiting to happen. Nevermind the Sharpie, if Ava wants to have permanent Kangaroo eyes, that’s her business, she can wear your scratched up sunglasses to hide them from everyone. Instead, let’s talk about these gift cards sitting in your purse, the ones that you will never use. Details please.

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