Don’t forget MLK’s birthday 1/15, I didn’t
The Bank of No Forks frequently makes me attend charity events and other assorted boring nonsense that involve chicken for lunch. This week the event was handled by our local Chamber of Commerce and included a “State of the State” keynote speech by our illustrious governor.
Upon arriving at the hotel, I was promptly frisked and made to profess my undying love for her. I did, but only because I was afraid to not attend because we get into trouble for that. If you say you’re going – by God – you go.
All of the people from the opposing party were made to stand outside in the bitter 28 degree cold and eat blue-raspberry Popsicle I swear. Good thing I’m not one of them because my new diet doesn’t allow carbs.
Upon arriving at my assigned table, the first thing I noticed was DESSERT. You know how they will put the dessert on the table before anyone arrives so they don’t have to serve it later. Normally, I really appreciate this. I’m an early person and will eat everyone else’s dessert before they get there. Then, I’ll go find a waiter and tell them they missed a table . . .
I quickly texted Amy: “How many carbs do you think are in a slice of chocolate cake?”
She sent back: “More than you’re allowed.”
I shot back: “Sometimes, LIKE RIGHT NOW, I hate you.”
Next came some nonsense about her helping me, yea, right, blah blah blah. Help would be letting me eat some cake. ***Note from Amylynn – this from the person who told me I wasn’t allowed to have a bight of cookie. A bite. But then she tried to bribe me to eat a churro.***
Things got worse, chicken was indeed the entrée. I hate chicken. Unless it’s KFC and then I eat the delicious coating off and give the chicken to my pets.
During all of this – the speech started. There was lots of clapping, (but not from the Popsicle people, their hands were still frozen from being outside), and quoting of Ronald Reagan. When is the last time you had to survive a Ronald Reagan quote? ***Amylynn again – I’ll bet she would have been happy if there’d been jelly beans though, huh.***
At the end, there was a standing ovation. I refused to stand because I was too weak from hunger. Everyone looked at me like an atheist at a revival meeting in the South on a Sunday.
I left with my head held high and a piece of cake in one hand and a Popsicle in the other. When I got into the hall, I shouted “Long live Martin Luther King, Jr.!” and sprinted down the corridor to safety.
I don’t think I’ll be asked to attend anymore of these functions . . .