Diet Shmiet

Occasionally, I leave the office and go out into the wild, wild world without Amylynn.  This happened yesterday because she had the 2^nd shift and I wanted doughnuts.

I had initially thought I could live without donuts even though I’d been thinking of them the entire ride to work. But, really the whole thing is our security guard’s fault. The very first thing he said to me in the parking lot wasn’t “Hi” or even “Hey”. It was, “I was gonna stop for donuts.” It was like a sign from God. A lightening bolt from Zeus himself. Obviously the universe wanted me to have donuts.

Since Amy is doing awesome on her diet and I’m still fat, I made two of our office mates go to a famous donut bakery here in our town. The trouble started right away.  One of the girls is left-handed like me.  When we got to the doors, the handles were gone, as in no handles.  We looked at each other like OMG the place is closed!!!  And we need donuts!!!  Luckily, the third one of us said, and I quote, “Push”.

I need to report that they just don’t have donuts.  They have dessert empanadas and cookies.  I ordered up a dozen donuts, six empanadas and a dozen cookies.  The salesgirl asked if we were having a party.  I wasn’t sure what she was getting at so I said “No, there’s just the three of us and a girl on a diet so she’s not getting any.”

On our way out, Miss Push said, “Can we have one more of the Mango Delights and can you cut it into three pieces for the ride?”  We ate it before we even got to the door.   It was delightful.

The missing handles were actually on the inside of the doors so we knew how to get out without any instructions.  Isn’t it universally known that you “pull” to get in and “push” to get out when your hands are full of baked goods?

When Amy got to the office there was powdered sugar and crumbs everywhere. She eyed us all suspiciously and asked what we’d been up to all morning.   We pretended we had no idea what she was talking about and said we’d tried to go to the bakery but it was closed permanently, they’d even removed the handles.

I don’t think she believed us because she said, and I quote, “Closed, huh? Wipe that mango delight off your faces.”