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hockey

The Sisters = Olympic level athletes

So there I was, winging my way across the country in a giant airplane seated next to an eight year old that talked non-stop for nine hours. I had a backpack full of stuff to do. My iPad with a million apps including Kindle and iBooks. I had my actual Kindle as well. There was my lap top just in case. My iPod was in the front pocket for easy access. So there was no reason in the world why I picked up the stupid in flight magazine to read.

But, I did. **shrug** Sometimes there is fun stuff in there.

I did a massive clean up of my desk this weekend and found this article from that magazine. I remember at the time thinking, “Ooooh, that could be interesting.”

The article talked about “off-the-radar sports. Basically, what happens is you take to incongruous “sport” and pair them together. For example, chess and boxing. No, I’m not making this up and apparently neither is Lloyd Bradley. He wrote a whole book about this idea called The Rough Guide to Cult Sport.

I know you won’t believe this but there is actually a federation, The World Chess Boxing Organisation. You’d think it was based in Great Britan because of the spelling, but they’re not. They do have a branch in England as well as India and Siberia (!) but the WCBO is actually in Berlin. I’d have bet there was one in Austrialia but I couldn’t find a listing. It just seems like something those crazy-fun Aussies would come up with.

It goes like this – alternating rounds of boxing then chess then boxing then chess and so on until someone wins one or the other. I’d imagine by round six or so, things on that chess board could get pretty bloody. They have very high standards for who they’ll admit into the Organisation. The boxers must have a chess ELO rating of nearly 2,000. I have no idea what that is or how it ranks in the world of chess, but knowing my abilities, I’d score around a 4. I’m not even sure what all the pieces are called. I was once yelled at by an uncle for calling the rooks “castles”. God forbid!

Apparently, in the world of cult sports, there is also swimming+hockey called octopush and blowling+golf called road

Traditional Curling Equipment

bowling.  I guess you just throw the bowling ball down the road and count how many times it takes you to get like a mile or something. I suspect drinking is involved and, if it isn’t, it sure as hell should be.

Quill Sisters Curling Equipment

So this made me ponder the Sisters. We are not sporty types. I enjoy hockey – a lot. Ava tolerates it. Kelli thinks I’m deranged. However, none of us actually wishes to participate in anything…sweaty.  In the spirit of the idea of smooshing together two disparite activities the Sister’s could excell at I thought of shopping+curling.  The players go to the nearest mall and purchase shoes from Manolo Blahnik. 

 Instead of the traditional curling “stones” the shoes are substituted.  The person who scores, gets to keep the shoes.  Woohoo! That’s the sport for us.

 

January 13

Ooooh, Friday the 13th. Don’t talk to people in hockey masks. Well, unless they’re Mike Smith from the Coyotes. He’s been rockin’ it lately. But then we don’t think Mike Smith is a serial killer. In fact, there haven’t been any NHL players proven to be serial killers. So let’s recap: Don’t talk to people in hockey masks who you suspect are serial killers. You know, we think that might be a pretty good life philosophy in general. That’s enough talk about serial killers – they’re not even a little bit funny. The following stuff, however, is funny, life affirming and generally amusing.

1. Willie Nelson. It has come to our attention that Willie owns a house in our town. Apparently, he visits when he’s not trying to get his pot filled tour buses through border check points. One of our husband’s friends was at a little bar in town and saw him there. The friend sidled up to Mr. Nelson and asked what he was doing there since he didn’t have a show in town. “I have a house here,” Mr. Nelson informed him. You know what this means, don’t you? Now we have to spend all our time sitting in an old cowboy bar like Pancho and Lefty stalkers so we can tell him he’s Always On Our Mind before he’s On The Road Again. We’re Crazy like that. What are the odds that Waylon Jennings might visit because that could potentially put us over the top.

2. Fish Oil. Ick. Ava read somewhere that it helps you lose weight. The doctor says it lowers your cholesterol. All we know is that we’re eating fish oil pills like their freaking candy instead of following a sensible diet. Our theory is, the fish oil makes the fish skinny so why not us. Have you ever seen a fat fish? No, you haven’t. Whales aren’t fish. They’re fat little mammals just like the rest of us. We’re not sure how they get fish oil. We assume they squeeze fish until it all leaks out. We also hope fish oil has the benefit of making us smarter. You be the judge.

3. Employee of the Month. We’re all so proud that we know the Employee of the Month at the The Library of Stuff No One Cares About. This is quite an achievement and it should look excellent on the resume he’s handing out while begging other companies to employ him. We’re sure he’s an excellent librarian since we know for certain he knows his whole alphabet. We think he was a shoo-in since he doesn’t usually sleep at his desk like SOME people he knows. We think we should celebrate. Let’s go to a little bar we know and hang out with a Red Headed Stranger.

4. Target. What is there to say about Target? It’s like the Quill Sister’s Holy Land. Pretend like the Pharmacy counter is the Wailing Wall and the clearance section in the women’s department is La Pieta. If you wander over to the paperback books on a Tuesday it feels just like Mecca. We’re there at least once a week to pester poor Ichabod the Pharmacist or to buy forks for the Bank of No Forks or to replace yet another winter coat for a six year old who’s going to get this one stapled on his little shoulders if he doesn’t cut that crap out. The magic doors open, you hear a choir of angels herald your arrival and the Starbucks lady starts up your latte. AND you can get an adorable cardigan for 4.99. LAAAAA!

5. Yoga postures.Perhaps the people who came up with the names for yoga poses weren’t getting enough oxygen to their brains. The Turtle looks nothing like a turtle. Locust? Who

Riiiiiiiiight

wants to look like a locust, and just exactly how svelte is a locust anyway? Sun Salutation? We don’t salute anything unless it’s got butter cream frosting on it. You should be able to remember what the poses look like by their names. When that stupid little girl in front of the class tells you to do King of the Dance you should be able to remember that has nothing to do with the Hustle and John Travolta. How about a little truth in advertising here? Half Moon posture? What the hell? Accomplished posture? We seriously doubt it. Corpse Posture and Half Spinal Twist Posture – that we can buy into.

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