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stupid people

March 2

So how are you all doing out there? We never hear from you. You never write. Dashing off a little hello once in a while keeps your dedicated blogger from crying into their frosting every long, lonely night. As busy as it is, you wouldn’t think the internet was such a lonely place. We have amassed five amusing things for you to comment on just to prove to us that you care. Ready, set, go….

  1. Elephants. There has been quite a dust up in town about the
    Mabu & Lungile – the new neighbors

    elephant situation at the zoo. We don’t want to get into that – murky waters and all – but we are excited because the new herd of elephants are starting to arrive. With babies! Oh dear, we really hate to fall in love with some other baby animal we’re going to want to “liberate” and keep in our back yards. Unfortunately, Amylynn is totally ahead of the curve here. We suspect kidnapping a baby elephant and getting it on an airplane may be slightly more difficult than our plans for the panda bear. We’re going to try a different route with the elephant. Dear Tanzania, Please send 1 extra small baby elephant for us to love and cuddle

    “…itty, bitty living space”

    and name Betty. Sincerely, The Quill Sisters.

  2. Genie Wishes. This has long been a game with the Sisters. If you found a genie lamp and an actual genie popped out to give you three wishes, what would you wish for? Amylynn wants a bottomless wallet and the health and body she had when she was 22. Ava wants to write like a world class author. Kelli would probably waste at least one of her wishes on camping or some icky outdoor bullshit like that. There is one thing for sure, though, and that is whatever you wish for you better be specific. Wish wisely, people. One thing we’ve learned from The Twilight Zone and Saturday morning Scooby-Doo cartoons, you don’t want to leave the genie any loopholes. And they say we wasted our youth with television. **Snort**
  3. Leap year. You know what the best thing is about leap year? The absolutely insanely complicated math involved. It’s not so simple as every four years, you know. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s every year divisible by four but not by 100 unless it’s divisibly by 400. And any year where the moon sits at longitude 77 degrees 30’W for 12 hours or there are more than four high tides in February. Alright so we made that last part up, but still, it’s a fun day.
  4. Crazy people. We do love us some crazies. Well, we love them so long as they stay back 500 feet as required by the restraining order and we only have to notice their craziness via the newspaper. This is exactly the case with Sheriff Apaio in Maricopa County. That man is a lunatic. His latest desperate bid for attention had him dredging up that birth certificate business with Barack again. Sigh. He and some fool from his “Cold Case Posse” (! – how wild west, right?) are being careful not to implicate the actual president at least not until, “we find out who may have committed these alleged crimes.” You know, it’s never dull around here with him and our nutso governor.
  5. Stupid people.  So this guy Eric King shoved a 19″ flat screen down his pants and attempted to steal it. Additionally, he had a remote control, power cords, a bottle of brake fluid and two Xanax stuffed in there. We’ll bet you’re anticipating that we think Mr. King is the stupid person, aren’t you? Nope. The stupid person here is the jackass security guard who didn’t notice anything was amiss until Mr. King dropped a box of candy. How strangely must our perpetrator have been walking to successfully keep that much stuff down his pants? We imagine it was a pretty strange walk indeed. Waddle waddle waddle. Shrug.  

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