The Bandit is in love with my iPad. I won’t allow him to buy games to play on it, but I will let him have the free games.

Hahahahaahaha. Free games. That’s freaking funny.

He’s always trying to manipulate me into paying for add-ons to the games. I refuse. The boy has 57 different electronic gaming systems and he doesn’t need me to pay for another one. That all seems reasonable to you, doesn’t it?

Then he tries to trick me into divulging my Apple ID so he can just take care of things. Clearly, he thinks I am an idiot.

On Sunday morning I opened my email to find a receipt from iTunes. I was perplexed. I’d purchased nothing so I opened the email to investigate. If you heard outraged shrieking on Sunday it was when I found this.

I have no idea how the boy spent 78.53 on a free video game. When asked what this was for, I was told it was for a gun for his hunting game. I told him for 64.99 a real freaking gun had better show up on our front porch.

I emailed Apple right away with an appeal for a refund. I assured them it would never happen again and that the boy had been disciplined accordingly as I’m sure you can imagine. I haven’t heard back from them yet, but I’m hopeful.

So I was telling my sister-in-law this story while we were floating around in the pool this weekend sipping sangria. She was making every effort not to laugh and failing miserably. I agreed that it would be a hysterical story were it happening to someone else. So she told me a story of her own.

Her nephew-in-law graduated from high school so she and her husband sent him $100 with a congratulations card. About a week later he called to thank them for their generosity and told them what he spent their money on. They were thinking it would be something electronic or perhaps put it towards a graduation trip or something along those lines.

Nope. He was very excited to tell them he used the gift money to buy a medical marijuana card.

Of course he did.

So I’m a guest on Susana’s Parlor Monday. This one was really fun. If you’ve read my books, then you’ll really enjoy this. I did a version of an 1812 People magazine interview with Lady Penelope and Christian, Lord Morewether,  during Lord Dalton’s and Miss Goldsleigh’s wedding.

And if you’ve not bought my books, perhaps this will cause you to do so.

Honestly, it was way more fun than I thought it would be.

Go read it.

Wow. I had a very exciting day.

First thing that happened – are you ready for it? I’ll bet you’re not really ready for it. Sit down first. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Well, actually, you’re probably already sitting down cause you’re at the computer. Or maybe you’re on your phone.

Look at this – I’m so excited I’m babbling.

Julia Quinn linked to this blog from her Facebook page. CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT? At the writing of this entry we’re only 19 people off from our busiest day ever in the history of this blog. We have no idea what the first busiest day was all about. Probably that time the FBI was investigating us about that panda business.

Then! I followed a tweet I was mentioned in only to discover this!

All this time I’ve been telling you people it was a gorgeous cover and now I have disinterested third party validation. Go to Romance Covers Reviews and see the rest of the competition. I’ve always loved those fab English people.

Thanks again to Jaycee DeLorenzo of Sweet ‘n Spicy Designs for her beautiful work.

I don’t know if I can handle it if tomorrow is just as exciting.

This weekend the Sisters went to a major league baseball game because it was paid for by our company. Can you believe Bank of No Forks paid for a skybox suite? Us neither.

Ava was, shall we say, unexcited about going. She is not a sports person. I wouldn’t describe myself as a sports person either, even though I’m a huge hockey fan. Still, I don’t think liking one sport makes a person a “sports person”.

So the Amylynn and Ava show went on tour. We’re happy to say, the event went way better than we expected. Ava was duly impressed that there was Cold Stone Creamery to be had and we bought some by the third inning.

Because we were in the suite, we had to take the elevator. You’d think by 40+ years old we’d be fairly knowledgeable about operating an elevator, but that is simply not so. At least that’s what the people at the ball park think. The elevator is very firmly regulated and you ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH ANY BUTTONS. There is a very stern lady inside the elevator who strictly controls what happens in there and decides where you’re allowed to get off. When we finally got back to our seats, we double-dog-dared the rest of our group to ride the elevators just to see what happened. They’re all chicken, don’t  you know.

Here are some other observations from the game.

We noticed a great many players with massive beards on the roster. When did the Amish begin playing professional baseball? Did a whole bunch of Rumspringas get out of control? We guess it’s alright anyway. It’s not like you use electricity to play baseball. Still, it seemed weird.

When the crowd was instructed by the Jumbotron to “Make Some Noise!!” we did not. We get bossed around enough without some stupid baseball guy trying to tell us what to do. That’s bullshit. We refused.

Amylynn fell down while participating in the wave. No alcohol was involved, but someone should do something about those stupid seats folding up every time you get out of them. That’s just embarrassing.

All in all we had a lovely time even though our team lost miserably. The corporate guys who facilitated the whole thing insist they can get hockey tickets. God we hope so. Amylynn would be beside herself with glee and Ava would come along for the ride.

Along with honoring the men and women who put their lives on the line everyday to

ensure our freedoms – and sometimes giving the ultimate sacrifice, the Sisters also want to be sure to honor the dogs who work alongside the military.

Dogs are amazing. After a long hard day of bomb sniffing and sky diving and patrolling, all they need for a reward is a nice bowl of kibble and a cuddle.

Every time one of our books come out, we are even more sure we’re justified in quitting our jobs at Bank of No Forks. Like right away, today in fact.  If this blog could provide health insurance – we’d be golden. Until then, we’ll have plenty of fodder for your amusement. As it is, we’ve had a fun launch of book two. We fervently hope you obtain yourself a copy and that you enjoy it. And then you should leave a heartfelt review – see #1 of our favorite things. There was much to chuckle about this week. Here is just a sample of what kept us amused:

1. Best. Review. Miss Goldsleigh’s Secret got a FANTASTIC review mere hours after it went up for sale. Honestly, we couldn’t have hoped for better validation. And the absolute best part of the whole thing was that WE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HER. If it wasn’t completely absurd, we’d send her an enormous bouquet of roses as thanks. We’ve made everyone we know sit still and pay attention while we read the review aloud.  Twice.  Then we all squeal like idiots. Sometimes, we’ll just look at each other and

This one wouldn’t hurt

flail our arms like Kermit and shriek – “We don’t even know that women.” Eventually, we’ll get over it, but until then watch your eyes. Sometimes that flailing gets out of hand.

2. International Tiara Day. Happens to be today – May 24th, a date wisely chosen to coincide with Queen Victoria’s birthday. If ever there was a day tailor-made for the Sisters it’s International Tiara Day. We are more than happy to wear wee sparkly crowns for 24 hours.  Oh yes, we’re sleeping in it too.  Well, actually, crowns make Amylynn’s head hurt. We’ve determined the problem is the cheap crowns we keep getting. We’re willing to bet any amount of money that if given a

Doesn’t this look fun?

real diamond and emerald headdress it wouldn’t hurt at all. Damn Dollar Store plastic tiaras.

3. Out of the question vacations. It has come to our attention that an 80 year old heart patient and and 81 year old Sherpa are going to attempt to climb Mount Everest. We want to state unequivocally that we have no intention of climbing a mountain when we’re 80. We don’t even plan to climb stairs when we’re 80 much less the world’s tallest mountain. That’s just dumb. What’s the point of living to 80 years old if you’re going to exert yourself like that. We’re also not going to go skydiving, swim with sharks or watch grandchildren.

4.   Dan Brown’s office. Have you people seen the latest People magazine? There’s an interview with Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code and other best sellers. There’s a picture of his office included in the text. If it’s possible to get sexual arousal from a picture of another author’s work space, this is it. We felt all tingly over for his supple leather furniture, titillating balcony book cases, sensuous carpet, and luscious two-story arched windows. Seriously, we needed a moment alone. Office porn – and in a good way not a nasty-old-politician-sending-pictures-of-his-wiener kind of way.

5. Ziegfeld Collection. Tiffany, our favorite store, followed closely by the Hermes store in Paris, has a whole collection inspired by the latest version of The Great Gatsby. While reviewing the collection on line, it occurred to us that the very minute the zombie apocalypse happens, we’re hitting the Tiffany flagship store and robbing them blind. Can you think of any reason why we can’t machete zombies while wearing 100 million dollars worth of diamonds? Also, we feel that in the spirit of full disclosure, neither of us have been to the Hermes store in Paris but we do have a very good imagination and we feel that it simply MUST be one of our favorite shops. How could it not be? We’re not sure we’re wearing Hermes during the apocalypse, though. Zombie’s are awfully icky and silk stains.

Miss Goldsleigh’s Secret went live yesterday and I was a bit distracted because of it.

There’s all that stalking the sales and rankings on Amazon. I trolled Facebook and Twitter all day for updates and such.

The sales have been going well and that pleases me tremendously.

And then – oh dear God – then I found a review of the book on Amazon. BY SOMEONE I DON’T EVEN KNOW! She gave it a rave – a 5 star review.

It started like this: I downloaded a sample last night before bed and warning do not repeat my error. I could not put it down.

It got better and better.

I read it to Ava and the rest of the girls in my office. I called my mom and read it to her. I called my other Sister. I Tweeted and Facebooked about it.

The rest of the day I floated around with a stupid grin and talked in a pitch so high only dogs could hear me.

Ava and I went to the mall and the most gorgeous purse called to me. Lady Harrington and Lady Dalton (Francesca and Olivia) whispered in my ear how I totally deserved this purse. In fact, they insisted – INSISTED – that I own it. If you’ve read the books, you know those ladies can be very persuasive.

Let me introduce you to my gorgeous reward for selling a bunch of books.

It’s here! It’s here! Miss Goldsleigh’s Secret is available at Amazon both in e-book format and paper copy – for which ever reading pleasure floats your boat.

The Authorgraph widget over there on the left can let me autograph your digital copy. Nifty, eh?

When Henry Cavendish, Marquess of Dalton, leapt to catch the fainting woman before she hit the cobblestone, he never thought that one chivalrous act would set his well ordered life on end. His ingrained need to protect her has every bit as much to do with her enchanting beauty as it does his desire to wipe the hunted look from her startling blue eyes. He thinks he has everything in hand, but the lady has secrets that put everything he loves at risk.
Olivia Goldsleigh just wants to live without terror, but a gunshot in the night proves things can always get worse. The beautiful and god-like Lord Dalton swears to protect her, to make the danger go away. She wants the man, the life, the family, the bliss he promises, but her secrets are certain to destroy them all.

You can read the first chapter here

Sassy turned ten this last week. On her actual birthday I received a series of texts from My Honey that implied she wanted me to cook her dinner. Me. ME. I could not for the life of me understand why she’d want that. It never really works out. Unless, I’ve known dinner was my responsibility well ahead of time and ALL of the ingredients are waiting for me at home, dinner is a fiasco.

Lucky, she requested Olive Garden. While that’s not my favorite restaurant by any stretch, it is a far sight better than anything I’m going to burn.

On Sunday, we had the family dinner. I was in charge of her birthday cake.

Oh sweet heaven. A store bought cake was out of the question. It’s never acceptable. I have been informed that it is a mother’s job.  Sassy asked for a pineapple upside-down cake.

Wow. Yeah. I’ve never made one of those before. I’ll admit I was a bit intimidated.

I sent My Honey to the store during her slumber party to get the ingredients as listed by my mom. He bought two of everything which was probably very forward thinking.

Sunday morning I made attempt #1.

I did everything exactly – EXACTLY – like my mom told me to. I slid the pan into the oven, set the timer on my phone, and tottered off to lay on my bed and watch TV.

While the cake is cooking, let me tell you a little history of my birthday cake career. When I was first married, My Honey’s grandmother asked me to bring a birthday cake to a family dinner. It was with complete terror I agreed. My husband’s family are excellent cooks. His mother, sister, grandmother – even his niece – can all really, really cook. His sister routinely reproduces dishes from restaurants. They are all the kinds of people who read Cuisine Magazine or Gourmet and are able to make whatever they see in there.

They look at the pictures and think, “I can make that” and they do. I look at the pictures and say, “I wonder where I can buy that?”

By the time I arrived at his grandmother’s house with that first cake, the top layer had slid completely off. It looked like a train wreck. I do recall I cried.

Every cake looks like complete hell. I can’t spread frosting. I can’t successfully put fruit in between the layers. The layers are ALWAYS uneven.

They taste yummy, they just look inedible.

So when the timer went off and I removed the cake from the oven. I stared at it with animosity. I just knew it would fail me. I couldn’t imagine a world where I would invert that pan and the entire cake would come out in one gorgeous piece. I had visions of me trying to jam the pieces together like a moist jigsaw puzzle.

I flipped the pan upside-down (hence the defining characteristic of the cake) and patted it with my potholders. I prayed to any God willing to do me a solid. I held my breath.

This is what came out.

I did the biggest happy dance in recent kitchen history. I finally pulled one off.

I’m 100% certain that it was all because My Honey had wisely bought two sets of everything as a talisman.