NEW RELEASES
In Our Humble Opinion . . . men who wink are icky. Young men who wink are super icky – off the icky scale.
Well what happens then?
My stupid primary care physician makes me come in every year for a physical. Stupid, conscientious, pro-active, preventative-care doctors. Anyway, I did this in November. At that time, she asked me to go to have a sonogram on my thyroid because she thought it felt a bit enlarged.
Two and a half months later, I found the referral form in my car and thought, “oh, yeah.” So I called over to the imaging place and answered all their million questions so I could get an appointment some morning before work.
After we’d agreed on a time and date and I assured her I’d had sonograms before – I had two very high risk pregnancies. It seemed like I was in for a sonogram every twenty minutes. I totally knew what those kids looked like before they were born. I have one picture of the Bandit that looks exactly like he’s flipping me off. I should have known then….
Even though I’ve had sonograms and could probably at this point administer one myself, the lady on the phone felt compelled to tell me all about the gel that is used to facilitate the imaging. She told me that they would smear it on my throat/shoulder area. When they wipe off the gel that would probably also remove my makeup. Would that be alright? I told her I rarely wore makeup on my neck and therefore I was fairly certain I could manage it.
The lady didn’t get sarcasm at all. I hope the rest of the staff doesn’t have this
problem when I get there.
Next she lowered her voice and spoke to me like we were in a room full of eavesdroppers. “I have to tell you that the exam table has a weight limit of 350 pounds. Is that going to be a problem?”
“NO!” I screeched, completely freaked out.
My God! I know I have weight issues – you can thank the crappy genes on both sides of my family for that, and Ava is absolutely no help with her always forcing me to eat cupcakes and Starbucks.
350 pounds.
What I really wanted to say was, “Well, I’m hovering around 349 so we’ll just cross our fingers…”
In Our Humble Opinion . . . it’s perfectly okay to be openly hostile to stupid people.
Not as bad as a loose power steering belt
I desperately needed a new pair of shoes that I would be able to stand in comfortably for twelve hours. TWELVE HOURS. I’m 100% certain you’ll hear more about that in the near future, but that’s not the point of this point.
Cute, right?
These new shoes have to go with black pants because the only dress code options we have are black or khaki pants and khaki pants make me look fat. They also must have a very low or nonexistant heel. Remember that twelve hour thing? Ava and I hustled over to DSW to look for cute clearance shoes and I found these for a whopping sixteen dollars. Total steal.
When we got back to work I put them on so I could make sure that they wouldn’t hurt or pinch or cause me to want to commit suicide. This is very important with shoes you are going to have to wear for twelve hours at a time. Initially everything went swimmingly. They were comfortable and had the added benefit of making my feet look even smaller than they already are. Then I walked to the bathroom. The right shoe squeaks – only the right one. Loudly. It was loud enough to be embarassing.
I looked up on the Internet and got a plethora of fixes but I have no idea if I’ll ever get around to buying shoe conditioner or corn starch or saddle soap. Do they even still make saddle soap? I guess living in the wild west that this is the place to find out.
You know what I’ll probably do? Just talk loudly when I walk. It’s the same principle as turning up the radio when the car makes a weird noise. I love denial.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . celebrities should not be allowed to name their own children.
In Our Humble Opinion . . . if Mitt Romney’s real first name were Mittens we might vote for him!
Been in any nice kerfuffles lately?
You remember when we shared the word “kerfuffle” with you the other day? This was a new word for the Sisters and really we didn’t know that there were that many new words for us. I use all the words I know. All the time. It drives many people crazy.
Ever since we found kerfuffle we’ve seen it everywhere. It’s astounding. Just this week Ava’s husband, Ed, found it in an article at www.dailyreckoning.com and today it was a headline in the Personal Journal section of the Wall Street Journal that poetically read, The Truffle Kerfuffle.
You don’t suppose kerfuffle had become so popular because we posted it in our little blog do you?
Is it possible the Sisters are cutting edge? Or more likely that we have an inflated sense of notoriety?
In Our Humble Opinion . . . barristas should be able to read our minds
In Our Humble Opinion . . . all woman should be able to set themselves on fire when they are angry at a man just like Liz in Hellboy.
Theoretical cosmologist on a Harley Davidson
I was reading an article about Stephen Hawking, the world famous physicist
and cosmologist and author of A Brief History of Time, today and how the medical community is studying him – not because of his outstanding brain, but because he’s lived so long.
The man is a hero of mine – because of his brain. I find super intelligent people absurdly fascinating. And sexy. Honestly smart people who are also funny run my sexy meter way up there – putting looks into third place. Unless you look like Jax on Sons of Anarchy. That’s just eye candy. But if you could merge the two of them together….
Wow – that was a hell of a tangent.
Back to Stephen Hawking who, for the record, I don’t find sexy. It’s the robot voice. I may find smart people sexy but I’m still disappointingly shallow at heart.
Tangent alert #2.
How much do I love this picture - 2 years after his diagnosis
Really – back to Stephen Hawking. The man was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS or Lou Gehrigs disease when he was 21 and given two years to live. He is turning 70 on Sunday which means he’s lived like 50 years past his life expectancy. He still doesn’t even use a ventilator to help him breathe. They say he’s still alive by sheer force of will. I suspect that means that he doesn’t whine all the time over hang nails and when he burns his tongue on hot coffee like some Sisters I know.
Hawking communicates solely by twitching his right cheek which registers on a wee little infrared sensor in his glasses which feeds the info to his computer which then selects words on his computer screen which are then spoken aloud by the famous synthesized robot voice. It can take him up to ten minutes to finish a complete sentence. Who else thinks this is mind boggling? The sheer amount of patience involved with this… Wow.
If I was sitting in his office, I’ll bet it would take him less than ten minutes to tell me to stop babbling and sit the hell down. I tend to bring that out in people.
Now – knowing his limitations – keep in mind that until 2009 the man was the Lucasian professor of Mathematics, the same position held at one time by Sir Isaac Newton (!), at Cambridge University in England. Now Hawking holds the frivolous job of being the director of research at the Cambridge’s Centre for Theoretical Cosmology. What must be going on in this man’s head all the time?
How frustrating that he can’t just say these things. The sheer level of brilliance is mind boggling.
I, on the other hand, am just impressed with myself in that I was able to shuffle both the brilliant Stephen Hawking and scrumptious Jax Teller in the same blog post. I’ve covered the meat & potatoes and dessert all in less than 500 artfully strung together words. Hardly genius, but talented if I do say so myself.