My Honey had his favorite music channel on while he was studying the other day.  Lately, if I don’t have hockey finals on the TV then he has Palladia on.  Palladia shows concert footage.  I’ll admit there are some really great shows: huge concerts from Hyde Park, small venues from all over, some really great acts.

This weekend he happened to have a concert on from Green Day.  It was great show of live footage interspersed with interviews from the band about the songs, their experiences, etc.  My Honey and I both like Green Day a lot.

Sassy wandered into the room fresh from the clean, unblemished faces of the Disney Channel and walked into a Green Day.  That’s quite a culture shock.  You’d think, having a musician father she’d be used to unusual people.  Apparently various facial piercings and multiple tattoos did not prepare her for Billie Joe Armstrong.

“Oh. My. God,” Sassy began.  Her mouth hung wide open as she stared at the television.  “Is that a boy?”

“Yes,” I tell her.  I clue her into the names of the band and the singer to whom she is referring.

She shakes her head, perplexed.  She has taken on the attitude of an octogenarion.  She’s eight next month, not eighty.  “Well, I kind of like the music,” she discloses, “but he’s wearing makeup.”

“Yep.” 

“Well, he’s wearing way too much and he didn’t put it on very well. Also, I don’t know if black eyeliner is the best choice” 

It seems she’s gotten past the fact that he’s a boy and wearing make up.  Now her problem is that she doesn’t like his application techniques.  Whatever.  The younger generation always thinks their parents are losers.

Maybe our punk musicians would be cooler if they had their color wheels done.

Oh sweet Jesus, is this funny.  English humor is just a riot.

Remember how I said I was reading a book from a favorite of mine but that the title was horrible.  I stand by that assessment.  The book was wonderful and I’ll be writing a review for it on my examiner.com site for those of you interested.

That comment made me want to tell those of you who don’t know, at least with the romance genre, the author has almost no say in the title of their book.  The marketing department comes up with the final title based on what they think will sell.  This is even true for the superstars like Julia Quinn.  She told the Sisters that she had to fight tooth and nail for the title of her last book.  You’d think she’d have more pull, but no.

Also, the author has even less say on the cover.  Just so you know.

So I found this and thought it very appropriate.

A title can make or break a book, and F. Scott Fitzgerald had a devil of a time coming up with a good one for this greatest novel.  He originally planned to call The Great Gatsby by the title Trimalchio in West Egg(a too-clever reference to a character in Petronius’s Satyricon).  His editor, Maxwell Perkins, thought better of that and persuaded him to change it.  For a while, Fitzgerald was hot on The High-Bouncing Loverbefore hitting on the classic, succinct title we know today.  Even then, Fitzgerald had his doubts.  Just before the book was to be printed, he cabled Perkins with the suggestion that they change the name to Under the Red White and Blue.  What would be the consequences of delaying publication, Fitzgerald asked.  Perkins’s cable, one word reply: “Fatal.”

You have to admit, several of those trashed names are terrible.  Thank goodness cooler heads prevailed.

I was standing in the bathroom, bleary eyed and confused.  Why was I here?  Why was I even up?  The clock/radio over the toilet read 6:03.  I don’t have to get up until 6:45.  This is horrible. 

It all started coming back to me in hazy, sleep-colored waves.

I marched back into my bedroom.  Sassy and The Bandit were wrestling on my bed.  I have no idea what they were even doing up in the first place.  Traditionally I have to blow them out of bed with a squirt gun of ice water and a fork lift.  Unless it’s the weekend.  Then my charming babies are up at the crack of dawn and demanding breakfast.  This was a school day and thus inexplicable.

I dimly remember Sassy urging me out of bed, “Mom, you’re late.  Time to get up.”  Of course I got up.  If someone tells me I’m late getting up, I don’t analyze it, I get up.  I’m always late getting up.

This time I figured it out before I got into the shower.

“Get out of my bed,” I holler.  “Why did you get me up?  I still have like a hour to sleep.”

“I don’t know,” she says, using the standard kid go-to phrase when questioned about anything.

“Get dressed and go watch cartoons or something,”  I point at my bedroom door to emphasize my point. An hour early.  My god!  I’ve only been in bed for four hours anyway.  I mutter to myself as I climb back under the blankets. 

Mercifully, my superpower is the ability to fall asleep almost instantly, any time, anywhere.  That’s a darn good thing since I never get enough sleep.  I covet sleep like Donald Trump covets attention.

Eventually, I did get up.  The cartoons were turned all the way up in the living room, but the kids had their clothes on so I let them get away with it.  The Bandit was making toast.  He’s been making toast like, well for lack of a better word, like a bandit for the last several days.  Our toaster was in horrendous shape.  Everytime we used it, swearing would ensue.  The toast would emerge black and charcoal-like on one side and raw on the other.  Last weekend it actually made a scary popping sound that was quite alarming.

I still had some “atta girl” points at work, and since we really had no idea if work would still be there in the morning, I quickly used my points and ordered a new toaster.  Then I promptly forgot all about it.  Several days later, when Sassy, the Bandit and I got home, there was a mysterious box on the porch.  When we opened it up a shaft of light burst from the box like the Arc of the Covenant in Indiana Jones. LO! A toaster.  A beautiful white, four slice toaster.  The Bandit thought four slices was the most outstanding thing he’d ever seen.  He’s been very sheltered in the small appliance department.  I figure we don’t want to spoil him with crazy things like food processors and such.

So this is a grilled cheese, but I still think the toaster has the capability

We plugged  in the new toaster and he immediately dropped four slices of bread in the slots.  Minutes later, out popped beautiful brown bread.  I’ll admit, I felt a little teary-eyed.  Bandit looked at the four perfectly toasted pieces of bread like they were a certifiable miracle and I should call the Holy See about canonizing it.  After all, we’d only have to prove two miracle to have the Proctor-Silex toaster made into a saint.

I’m here to tell you people, even as a nonbeliever, I’m totally quitting my day job if, all of a sudden, out pops bread toasted with the face of the Virgin Mary.

“Why are they all so phlegmy?”  My Honey asked me.  “I’ve never seen a sport with so much spitting.”

Ugh!

He’s right.  We’re watching #15 lick spit off his chin like a rabid dog.  It’s times like this, or when they blow their noses with their fingers, that I’m not sure why I love this game.  I tend to look away when they show the bench.  Nasty things happen there.

“I’ll give them some credit for their restraint though.  I’m telling you if some guy pissed me off out there and I was holding a stick in my hand…” My Honey muses.

He’s right.  As much fighting as they do, I’m often amazed there isn’t more.  The more frustrated they get, the more punches fly.

“Seriously, some of the stuff they do, anybody else would get 5 to 10.”

I’ve forced him to watch most of two games today.  He’s very patient.  Although, he did offer to start rooting for Detroit since he knows my loathing of the Red Wings.

* * * * * * * * *

I worked for three days tweaking Chapter 16.  It was an important chapter and a whole lot of emotional and psychological stuff was going on that I wanted to get right.  It’s important that my hero remain “a nice guy” without being a wuss.  Also, our heroine had to have a REALLY good reason for her refusal to do something relatively simple.  Sometimes this is all so complicated.

Out April 26th

To make matters worse, I’m reading and advance copy of one of my favorite authors.  The book is fabulous – the title is awful.  When I have a great book going, it’s really hard to write until the book is done.

I’ve started writing reviews and posting them on my examiner.com site.  What’s really exciting about that is I’m getting advance copies of stuff.  I know some of you are jealous out there and you should be!  I’m so excited about it.  Do you know what that tells you about me? 

That I am a giant nerd.

I was typing away on Chapter 17 when I realized I’d never posted today.  Ack! 

Don't drive angry!

I’m also watching Groundhog Day.  I love this movie.  Bill Murray is a genius of the dry look.  Here I am, the rest of my house sound asleep and snoring away, and I’m cackling away after midnight.

Captain Shane Doan

I watched game 3 of the first round of The Stanley Cup playoffs earlier tonight.  Coyotes lost to Detroit. Again.  This may come as a shock to a great deal of my extended family, but I really, really hate Detroit.  We have very little chance of moving to the next round.  We’d have to win the next 4 games in a row.  Odds are not good.  My other favorite team, the Blackhawks is in the same boat with Vancouver. Deep sigh.  I’ll be down to rooting for either the Penguins or the Capitals who both look to advance to the next round.  No matter what, I’ll still be mourning the Coyotes.  Bummer.

I’m also doing laundry.  I’m pretty sure that is my real purpose in life.  Sorting, washing and folding clothes – it seems as though I do some form of it every single day.  Ava, Kelli and I often joke about getting our own apartment.  We figure we’d be able to get away with it until there were no more clean clothes. 

“I’m out of underwear.  Where’s your mom?”

We went out to dinner on Saturday night.  Neither of my children selected either chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese.  I know!  Those of you with children must assume my children have been kidnapped by space aliens.  That’s the only feasible explanation I can come up with.  When Sassy told me she wanted fish sticks I almost lost all control over my spine and slipped underneath the booth.

Just when I thought I had it together, I turned to my right and asked the boy what he wanted.  I lost brain function when he told me peanut butter and jelly.

“What? Who are you people?” I asked in wonder.  Maybe these new children, these impostors, will also clean up their toys before being asked.  Would it be too much to ask the aliens if they’re going to replace my children that they do it with ones who don’t wage full on battles in the back seat of the car?  I swear the fighting has gotten to the point where their father and I are about ready to install a Thunder Dome in the backyard and let them go at it.  Two kids enter, one kid leaves.  Some days this is a totally feasible option.

So the waitress had no idea she was contributing to the annals of history when she served fish sticks and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to my table.  I made up for it by ordering onion rings.  If onion rings are to be had, they will be had in my mouth sooner rather than later. 

A while later, when I began evaluating how their dinners were being consumed, I discovered a new and bizarre eating habit of The Bandit.  Holding each triangle of sandwich to his mouth, he was able to eat only the top piece of bread spread with grape jelly.  All the peanut butter triangles were summarily deposited back on the plate.  I am at a complete loss.  As far as I’ve always been concerned, the peanut butter is the most important part of the PB&J sandwich.  Jelly is completely superfluous. 

Just so you all know so we can keep track of the signs, Aliens don’t eat peanut butter.  At least not the creamy kind.  That may have been the issue anyway.  Everyone knows chunky peanut better is the best.

Sassy has been trying out grown-up phrases lately.  Not naughty phrases that will get her in trouble, just adult phrases that I am very amused by.  Sometimes she uses them all wrong and other times they are just absurd coming out of a seven year old’s mouth.

Last night she tried out a new one.

“I’m going to go the the bathroom and then I’ll help you with your homework,” I tell her.

“Touche,” she says.

“What?” I ask her. 

“Touche,” she repeats.

“You’re not using that right,” I tell her.  When she asks what it means, I explain that it’s used in an argument when your opponent scores a point.  She wants an example which, of course, I can’t manage to come up with on the spot.  I’m a writer and I do dialogue all the time, but apparently not this very moment.

“I’ll argue with Daddy over dinner and see if I can get one in there,” I offer.  What a good mommy I am to sacrifice myself this way, don’t you think?

In another example, the other day she sat down on the couch next to me while I typed away on my laptop. 

“Mom,” she began, her voice and expression very serious.  “I think I need to reevaluate my life.”

I really, really need to work on not breaking into hysterical peels of laughter when she says things like this to me.

“What could you possibly need to reevaluate?  You’re seven,” I remind her. 

“I don’t know,” she admits.

“Where did you hear that?” I ask, still giggling.  I have half a mind to tell her how disappointed her father and I are about the way she’s living her life and insist that we raised her better than that.

“I don’t know, but it’s not that funny.”  She’s insulted.

“Oh yes.  Yes, it is”, I say.  “Believe me, I know funny and that’s funny.”

“Then maybe you need to reevaluate what you think is funny,” she tells me in her haughtiest voice.

I grab her in a huge hug.  “Touche, baby, touche!”

Ava and I had a ridiculously horrible day today.  There was serious talk of layoffs and unemployment and poverty and depression and wretchedness.  The absolute worst thing of all was the not knowing.  I still don’t officially know anything.  Unofficially, we think everything is all right, but this is corporate America and in this economy, in the industry we work in, things can change in a heartbeat.

As much as we complain about the soul-sucking jobs, we still need them.  I am very happy I still have one with health insurance benefits.

I’ll tell you though, as we sat in our church – the Barnes & Noble/Starbucks Cafe – drinking ridiculously expensive and fattening drinks and sharing an asiago cheese pretzel and Godiva Chocolate cheese cake, I wanted desperately to be happy about the impending unemployment.

It’s not like there are any jobs to be had in this town. 

All I could think of is how wonderful it would be to write full time.  I could volunteer in my kids classrooms like they’re always asking me to do.  I could stay up as late as I want to write while my brain is working at its most creative.  And, ooooooh – all the reading I could do.

Sigh.  Nope.  Looks like I’m going to work tomorrow. Apparently, I’m never happy.

I’ve been struggling on a blog topic tonight.  Most of the time I just feel like I’m chatting with you all, telling you a silly story from my day, or complaining about something in my trademark self righteous way.  Having something to say has NEVER been my problem.

Except today.  I texted Kelli, “need blog topic, stat” but she must already be asleep.  My Honey had nothing for me.  I’m too lazy to get up and go through my notes on my desk to see if there is anything I can work with.  I can’t get up anyway.  My Assistant is sitting next to me on the couch and anyone who owns a cat knows you can’t disturb a cat when they’re sleeping.  I don’t know why exactly, but it’s just not done.  Ever.

Right now he’s draped over the cushions, his chin in the edge and both front arms hanging over the sides.  His fat belly

Here he is looking testy

 rises slowly with deep, sleepy breaths.  His tail flicks endlessly even in his sleep.  Every once in a while, he’ll lift his head up and move his ears like satellite dishes and then put his head back down and slip back into his feline coma.

If there are papers to sit on or molest in any way, he’s on it.  Literally.  On it.  With his butt.  But tonight he’s holding down the couch.  It’s a very important job.  Gavity is nothing to mess with, people.