Prepare yourself for a Mother of the Year blog post.

So I just spent five straight days with my children since I’m unemployed and they were on Thanksgiving break.

Those people are loud. Really loud. All the time. I think the girl even sleeps noisy when she actually sleeps. When they’re not goofing around loudly, then they’re fighting loudly. This scenario can change at the wink of an eye. They’re messy and they’re always hungry.

I was trying desperately to get some writing done. I was behind in my word count but those people follow me from room to room.

I actually started to panic a bit. What the hell am I going to do when we have fourteen straight days together over Christmas?

Then it came to me.

My Honey and I are always saying these kids are soft. Compared to what we had to endure-we were both indentured servants for self-employed fathers, there were CHORES, and our parents (at least the dads) were hard assed-our kids are living in Beverly Hills-like bliss.

I’m going to hire them out as migrant workers for that two weeks. Let them pick grapes or oranges or lettuce for two weeks, that’ll teach them to appreciate what they have at home, and they’ll learn what hard work is like. Also, being that we live in the South West, maybe they’ll get a leg up on becoming bilingual with that sort of immersion. And they’re not even going to miss any school. And you know what else? They’ll have a great topic for the obligatory What I Did Over Christmas Vacation essay when they get back.

Oh yeah. I’m loving this idea. Let me know if you want me to find a position for your kids, too.

It was 85 degrees here on Thanksgiving. Even we think it was a bit warm for this time of year. Still, we did enjoy watching the snowy Thanksgiving Day Parade from New York, in our beds, with the ceiling fan on. And playing football in the grass while wearing shorts is pretty nifty. Even factoring in the gorgeous weather, our favorite thing about Thanksgiving is eating pie for breakfast on Friday. A little sliver of chocolate, a hunk of pumpkin and a slice of berry-the breakfast of champion Quill Sisters. As we head into the shopping season, we’d like to share just one of the brilliant ideas we have on a regular basis. We keep many of these to ourselves, but this one is perfect for today. It’s Black Friday - Get a Black Kitten! We think this is a marketing idea we could really get behind. Here, laugh at this stuff while we make up some posters.

1. The plague. It’s back. Every year we find a news clipping that brings up the plague. Maybe we’re stupid but we’re not exactly sure which plague they’re talking about. The Black Plague? The Bubonic Plague? When we looked it up, it seems that The Black Plague IS the Bubonic Plague. Shows what we know. What we did learn is that there are a whole bunch of plagues we didn’t even know about. Now we’re all freaked out. When we put in our symptoms into WebMD, turns out we might have all of them. That, ladies and gentlemen, is why the internet is bad. Anyway, the

World Heath Organization reports that 40 people have died from “the plague” and 119 have been diagnosed since August of this year in Madagascar. Turns out we’re not getting a lemur this year.

2. Brotherly love. The police arrested some goofball for punching a police horse. That alone is awful, and we think there should be a creative punishment for him. That’s not the funny part of the story because that’s not funny. Here we go. During his arrest, the police found marijuana and drug paraphernalia in his pockets. The moron in question stated that the pants belonged to his brother.

Nice. We hope his brother kicked his ass. But still, as Amylynn’s husband noted when she read him the story, “Weren’t his pants with him all day?” Dear god, we hope so.

3. We need a koala. The G20 Summit was held this month in Brisbane, Australia. All the leaders of the world show up to discuss important things like ending the Ebola epidemic (see plague above - we’re just sayin’) and fixing the economy. This is important stuff, we think we’ll all agree. But the most important thing happened when the koalas showed up. It seems the Sisters are never in the

right place at the right time. You can’t believe how envious we are that they got to actually HOLD A KOALA. No one will even let us touch one. Damn it! The Sisters are considering running for president. Two women are better than whatever else they can come up with. We don’t really want the job, but the perks are outrageous.

4. Sleeping in on Black Friday. Usually Amylynn is one of those crazies who gets up in the middle of the night (or more likely, just stays up. It’s easier in the long run) to go shopping on Black Friday. Not this year. Nothing in the ads really struck her fancy. We can’t tell you how much better it is sleeping in with Jojo the Cat than getting sweaty and annoyed in Target at that ridiculous hour in the morning. Besides, that whole being unemployed thing is really going to give us extra time to shop for Christmas anyway. Maybe it’s a new tradition.

5. Best pretzel rolls ever! Ava doesn’t really care for the part of Thanksgiving that includes turkey and the trimmings. We know, odd right? Maybe even unAmerican. In her defense, her family used to eat Chinese food for Thanksgiving so it’s not really her fault she doesn’t like turkey. Before you march to her house with pitch forks, she does like pumpkin pie so simmer down. Now to the pretzel rolls. For some unknown reason, Ava’s family got pretzel rolls for Thanksgiving dinner. At first, Ava was disgruntled. She might not like Thanksgiving dinner but if she’s forced to have it, she wants it traditional all the way. Crazy, right? After sharing one with the girl who lives at her house, she had to rescind her disgust - they were freakin’ fabulous!!! But here’s the best part - she perfectly toasted and buttered one up for breakfast today and it was the freakin’ best toasted buttered pretzel roll EVER. They came from Costco just so you know where to get yours.

And just to solidify why we need a koala, here you go. The answer is obvious.

Thanks to the most conscientious (that word is hard to spell!) produce fellow at the grocery store of all time, my pies came out wonderfully. That’s my responsibility on Thanksgiving. I’m good with that assignment since I love dessert. I’m getting pretty damn good at making pie.

The boy requested chocolate.

Of course there’d be pumpkin. What’s Thanksgiving without pumpkin? I think it’s a law.

My Honey asked for “berry”. Berry? I’d never made berry pie before. I’ve made lemon and rhubarb and apple and pumpkin and chocolate and probably some others, but never berry.

I found a simple recipe for one and added it to the list of veggies we needed for a relish tray. Then Sassy and I headed to our huge neighborhood grocery store on Tuesday evening. The place looked desiccated, like we’d received an emergency alert weather forecast or something. The dairy section echoed. We grabbed the last two containers of whipped cream. I used to make my whipped cream from scratch. It was super yummy, but then I decided I didn’t want to be whipping for twenty minutes and just wanted some damned pie, so now I buy the spray cans. Besides, you’ll probably all agree that spraying it directing into your mouth at three in the morning is totally worth the price of the can.

When we got to the produce department I was sincerely concerned that I’d missed some announcement about a blizzard (no possible way - it was 84 degrees here today), or maybe a blackout that would trap us all in our homes and we had been wasting our time sleeping when we should have been stocking up on emergency supplies. There were no strawberries for the pie, only a vacant spot and a sign advertising strawberries. I found a produce guy and asked him.

“I think we have some in the back.” Off he went and returned with a whole crate of strawberries.

“How about celery?” I asked holding up the very last celery bunch in the store. It was limp and on the verge of disgusting.

“Let me check.” Off he went again, at a jog this time. He came back with a giant box of celery.

“Don’t go anywhere, I’m sure there’s more I need,” I told him. Seconds later I requested green onions.

“Whoop!” I cried when he came back with handfuls of green onions. “You are the best produce man in the history of produce men,” I told him.

His name is Shefii - I swear. I memorized his name tag.

His customer service was so awesome I decided not to press my luck. No Black Friday shopping for me. It can only go downhill from there, right?

Happy Thanksgiving to all our American readers! Have a great turkey day.

Christmas came a little early to the Sisters this year. Specifically, it arrived today, November 25th, a full month ahead of the usual schedule. Sarah MacLean’s new book - Never Judge a Lady by Her Cover - hit the shelves. Ava rushed off to BnN to purchase it. For those of you following our saga, Ava had to go alone because the cruel world has separated the Sisters for the time being, but I digress. She was fully prepared for another mishap like the one Amy experienced purchasing Jennifer Ashley’s new book last month.

Feeling no remorse, Ava mowed down all of the shoppers between her and the Romance section. She searched high and she searched low and then she did it again. But NO - no new Sarah book. Why can’t BnN just put the god damn books out on the shelves so they can oh - I don’t know, sell god books so they can stay in business?!

Ava headed for the customer service counter. Ava’s children ran and hid. Cowards.

“May I help you?” Ava was asked by “Bee”. Ava hoped she could, it would be sad to die right before Thanksgiving and at such a young age. After getting the name spelled correctly, which Ava spelled twice, Bee announced the book had arrived that day and should be in the back.

“Listen, Bee, don’t come out of the back until you find it. Seriously. I can’t be responsible for my actions if you do. Better you be the star of our blog tonight instead of a number in the emergency room waiting area.”

Mere minutes later, Bee triumphantly arrived from the back stock room - book in hand. Ava cried. Bee cried. Her relief must have been immense. Ava’s was.

Anyhoo, Ava made the boy drive home so she could sit in the back of the car and read. Who says the holidays aren’t the happiest time of the year?

Holy crap! Thanksgiving is this week! Did you people know this? How the hell did Thanksgiving just creep up on us like that? How? Our usual recollection is that November arrived all loud and ferocious, but maybe that’s December. Whatever it is, we think this whole thing is suspicious. You never want people to know they caught you unaware. It sets a bad precedent. We suggest you “look” prepared. Here’s an easy suggestion. We especially like his contemplative and careful application of the feathers.

Afterwards, have a margarita. It’s all going to be alright.

On Saturday my 11-year-old daughter sorta went skydiving.

Her brother, father and I went to a pawn shop to buy explosives. As far as you know, that’s totally legal. Gotta love Arizona.

So everything is normal here at the Bright Compound.

ALSO - we’re thrilled to offer you a free book! YES! FREE!

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If you aren’t familiar with historicals or if you already love them but would like some suggestions, follow THIS LINK and pick up your free book.

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Visit the Historical Romance Network for more freebies to come!

We’re sitting in our new office. It’s our favorite café. We’re not going to be able to afford this for very long. It’s a shame really, since the life of leisure really fits our temperament. Also, it’s possible that we’re freaking out a little bit. Or a lot. Honestly we don’t know what we’re feeling. Essentially, we’re really confused. But at least we’re not angry or hungry. We think. Oh hell, we don’t know. Maybe we’re angry. Maybe we’re just waiting for the right moment to explode. Downtrodden. That’s what we are. So we’re trying to laugh at funny stuff. Here, see what you think.

1. Frog juice. Here’s something that we’re not willing to try. Apparently zillions of Peruvians swear by it. (Apparently, Peru breeds crazies like no body’s business.) Here’s the deal - the barista grabs a frog from an aquarium, whacks it’s head on the counter top until it’s dead (can you say PETA?), throws it in a blender with carrots, maca root, and honey and you drink it. Yea, right. By the way, there is no scientific evidence this helps with anemia, bronchitis, fatigue, etc that it’s reported to be good for. Amylynn thanks the gods it doesn’t help with weight loss because she always caves when Ava is on to new fat cure.

2. It’s for medicinal purposes. Some people in Washington state and the heirs of Bob Marley have come to terms on a deal to grow and sell pot inspired by the reggae singer. They also plan weed-infused lotions, creams, and various accessories. We find this super interesting. One of our schemes for making money after the layoff was growing pot in a warehouse we have access to. We feel that we could be a certified grower. We also like lotion. Do you all see how we’re the people for you? Who else likes money AND lotion? Well, maybe lots of people, but none of them ALSO like various accessories.

3. The Bride of Frankenstein. Oh, dear. This story turned our hair more gray than it already is. It seems Charles Manson is set to marry. Charles Manson and marriage - there’s some words we bet you never thought you’d see in one sentence. The happy couple met when the girl was 16. At first we thought - Where the hell are her people? But then we thought - Where the hell are his people? Where the hell are anyone’s people to stop this nonsense? They will never have conjugal visits so we don’t know what the point is for either

them. Thank god, cause ICK! Not only is it Charles Manson but he’s 80-years old. **Shiver** We smell a book deal in here somewhere. Gives a whole new meaning to Helter Skelter.

4. Thank Zeus we live in the desert. We watch with horrified fascination the news reports about the snow in Buffalo, NY. Our mouths hang open at the pictures of people opening their front doors to a wall of snow. Or the snow actually caving in their windows and doors. One of our favorites shows a path carved out of the snow with a direct line to the convenience store. We certainly hope these people have enough reading material to tide them over. That’s a recipe for tragedy right there: The Sisters trapped ANYWHERE with no reading material. Bad news bears.

5. We’re moving. We found out the house that inspired Jane Austen to write Pride and Prejudice, and the one she modeled Pemberley after, has gone up for sale for $11 million dollars. It has at least 365 rooms and five miles of corridors. It’s so vast the story goes that guests were given confetti to mark the path from their bedroom to the dining room so they could find their way back. $11 million sounds like a steal, yeah? Apparently, there are also about $41 million in repairs. Our husbands are handy so we think we could drastically reduce that amount down to a manageable figure. Say $38 million, or so. We figure if things get too loud with the workers, we’d just get lost in the house for a week or so.

Today was our first day of unemployment. So what the hell are we to do with ourselves? All alone? Without a posse?

I got up and took a shower like every other day. Everyone was thankful. Then Ava and I had the following exchange

Sometimes, operating under delusions can be helpful.

Then I took the kids to school and did a few errands. Starbucks was next. I drank two cups of coffee and wrote 5 pages on my current work in progress. During that time, I lamented to Ava that writing historicals can be very frustrating. I spent a great deal of time trying to find out some specific information about a steamship that is impossible to locate. I’m going to end up making these “facts” up and that freaks me out.

So I took a nap.

What I should have been doing is this.

Somewhere under this disaster is my home desk. This is where everything in the house goes to die. When I cleared out my office at Bank of No Forks all the boxes and bags ended up here as well.

I’ll get to it this weekend.

Or next week.

Maybe.

Are you stressed out? Seems that everyone is. The doctors prescribe the following therapy. Unless you’re like the Sister’s brother and you’re entire head would swell up because you’re so allergic. That’s a tragedy. Not the head swelling, the allergy. Although, we suppose having a medically swollen head would seriously suck. We can’t imagine not being able to enjoy something like this.