This Sisters have a friend who has a relative in prison. We’ve all been there, right?

We were talking with this friend about how his nephew was doing and we learned several definitive things - beyond the usual - reasons why we can never go to prison.

It’s not the orange jumpsuits. Or the soap situation in the shower. Or any other horrifying things you can think of from B movies.

These reasons are very serious.

#1. Carbs. We thought we’d at least lose weight if we went to prison. Turns out no. The food is horrible and all carbs. Think white bread and potatoes. That will not do. No one looks good in an orange jumpsuit when fat.

#2. Budgeting. Here’s the problem. You beg and plead and finally get your family to put money in your commissary account. Then you find out you’re only allowed to spend so much per month. What we’re telling you is that you have to budget your meager funds. Like prison isn’t bad enough. Jeez.

#3. Camp. It seems this nephew is in a white-collar prison. He describes it as a cross between kindergarten and summer camp. That’s cinches it. We don’t camp. Especially on a budget.

By the way, this white-collar prison doesn’t have a tennis court. They have a softball league. Sigh. Our visions are shattered. It’s like everything we ever knew was a lie.

It’s Good Friday which is really, really good. Because So-so Thursday was a bit of a let down and Wahoo Wednesday was crap. We have high hopes for the entire weekend. The weather will be fine for hunting eggs and any weekend rife with jelly beans has got to be good. We decided not to set a trap for the bunny this year. In the past, we figure he’d be too tired to be at the top of his game by the time he got to our house. This year we’re gonna cut him a break. Or maybe it’s that we’re just too tired to plan anything. Either way, hop on over dude. The coast is clear.

1. EEK! We’ve all had bad dining experiences. Perhaps it was the food. Maybe the waiter. It could be that the other diners were obnoxious. We’re willing to bet that you never had fellow diners this obnoxious though. A guy in Los Angeles felt the need to spend $200 on sushi before showing people his snake. This is not a euphemism for something sexual. It was an actual snake. Understandably the other diners didn’t appreciate it (probably wouldn’t have appreciated the OTHER kind of snake either) and the manager made the man and his reptile leave. He came back a few minutes later, shouted obscenities at the patrons, then threw a 13 foot python on the floor and stalked out. The police collected the snakes and arrested the man but not until after a full-blown panic engulfed the place. This is why we don’t eat sushi.

2. Next stop, Iowa. We never in a million years thought we’d be saying that we were moving to Iowa, but we’re putting it in the running. Why? you ask. Because it turns out you can own a tame, pet kangaroo if you live in Norwalk, Iowa. This all came about because the police were looking for a 3-foot-tall kangaroo that was wandering around town. The guy who owned it didn’t get in any trouble. Turns out the Roo is tame and friendly. It’s also noted the kangaroo is for sale. No news on what his name is. We like Phillip or Bosco. Now we’re just looking for a nice farmhouse in Norwalk.

3. Square donuts. It turns out that square donuts are a thing and they look especially yummy. There is a war going on in the usually peaceful donut metropolis of Indiana over these delicacies. The Square Donut bakery has been making their donuts since the 60’s. They even trademarked the name in 2013. Along comes johnny come lately in the form of Family Express who started in with the square donuts in 2005. The original company sent a cease and desist, and apparently they haven’t. Now they’re all going to court. We don’t pretend to know anything about the law, but we do know all about donuts. We’d be happy to render an opinion - using lots of adjectives and gerunds - to whichever company sends us some free donuts. Ready…Go!

4. Blue Bunny. Have you seen these commercials? They’re for Blue Bunny Ice Cream. So they made a blue bunny. Seems appropriate, right? That’s not exactly correct. They made the cutest blue bunny EVER! Look at this adorable little dude. We think it’s stunning how much this adorable bunny looks like the Girl-Who-Lives-At-Ava’s-House. Remarkable. Suspiciously accurate even. We’ll consider not suing if the Blue Bunny people send over some ice cream. You should coordinate with the Square Donut people above.

5. Another Blue Favorite. We’re big fans of Apple and Siri by default. We’re also fans of Cookie Monster and HUGE fans of cookies. This commercial is so great, it’s practically a documentary. We’ve felt like Cookie so many, many times. Hang in there, blue friend. They’ll get done eventually.

How’s your diet going?

My children made us play Monopoly. I hate this game. I never win and it takes way too long. It makes me surly.

I picked the Thimble and the game commenced. I could tell right off that things weren’t going to end well. I got seriously crappy properties - and managed only one monopoly - of Baltic and Mediterranean Avenue. Even with two houses, the one only earns $35 in rent. I was like a slum lord. Bandit wanted to know if Walter White or Jesse Pinkman lived in my houses. He’s never even seen those shows, but I guess word gets around.

Nevertheless, you can learn a lot about your family while playing this stupid game.

The Bandit Went Directly to Jail about 17 times. No joke. I don’t know what the story was with his recidivism, but I hope it’s not an omen of things to come.

Basically I held on to random single properties keeping others from fulfilling their destinies.

Sassy creates an earthquake every single time she throws the dice.

I firmly believe that if a person doesn’t notice you sitting on their property then you don’t have to pay rent. I think this is even written in the rules somewhere. I don’t care what you say, that’s how I roll. It can save you $600 on Oriental Avenue with a hotel. That alone can get you around another lap to collect your Go money.

We didn’t finish the game the first night. We zip-locked our money and deeds into baggies and took a photo of the board. This is like my worst nightmare.

We didn’t finish the second night either, but we finally decided we’d had enough. The Bandit was broke and had given all of is property in lieu of rent. I’d had to set my crack houses on fire and collect the insurance money in order to survive the last round. Sassy and My Honey were in heated negotiations to trade some property and the Bandit and I weren’t the least bit interested.

We cashed out. Sassy came out victorious.

That might have had something to do with the fact that she was the banker. Maybe not. I’m merely speculating.

The Sisters have long been considering making our own religion. We’re happy to take your tithes and we plan lots of holy days that require days off work and school.

Cake will be a requirement.

Here’s our first commandment.

If you’re concerned about what may happen to your waist line if you convert, never fear. We’ve already researched this.

Don’t worry. We got this from a highly credible source - a Fact a Day desk calendar. This seems totally legit.

Things went pretty well for the Sisters this week. We didn’t quit work even once. Well, maybe once. But it was only for a few minutes. Otherwise, the week went well. We had some good meetings and saw a bunch of people we like. We started a diet, so that totally blew. Still all in all, things went well. We’ll probably do it all again next week. And that’s how you spend all your life at work. Now we’re totally depressed and we’re not allowed to eat cake. Sigh. Thank god there were these funny things.

1. Old-est friends. Amylynn’s oldest friends were in town this weekend from Alaska. Dear Kurt and Dear Janet brought their family for vacation. The Sisters met for lunch at our favorite sandwich shop and had an hour and a half of laughter and teasing. It’s really good to see the people who’ve loved you the longest and the best. We also went to see another old-est friend’s band play and we had a great time which required much recovery the next day since we closed down the bar. Travel home safely, dear friends.

2. Fuzzy statesman. We want you to meet Winston Churchill. He’s a Havipoo - 1/2 Havanese 1/2 poodle and all adorable. He weighs all of three pounds which is about 15 pounds smaller than Jojo Kitty. He belongs to Aunt Joni but he’s loved by all. Honestly, he looks like a Webkins and not at all real. We’re completely and totally in love with his wiggly little body.

3. Keeping people occupied. The Sister’s dad has a birthday coming up and he wanted a metal detector. He’s staying with Amylynn while the brother is out of town, so Amylynn hooked the old man up. It was due to arrive from Amazon on Friday and we’re pretty certain he sat on the front porch, waiting impatiently, all day. When she got home, she fully expected to find him with all the dogs out in the back yard looking for riches. Who knows. Maybe he’ll find Amelia Earhart’s plane back there. It would explain that they’ve been looking in the wrong place all this time.

4. Vinyl. The last thing the Sisters need is to adopt yet another TV show. Unfortunately, Ava is left alone far too often during robot season for her good and binge watched all 5 episodes by herself. Now she insists Amy watch it because she has to have someone to talk to about it. Duh. Here’s what you need to know - great music, great acting, great anti-hero played by Bobby Cannavale. Also, the amazingly beautiful Olivia Wilde is in it and that’s always worth the price of admission. Mick Jagger’s good

looking kid is in it - James Jagger - playing a thrash rocker and he can act, too.

5. Whatever it is, we’re against it. There was some protesting in our town this weekend. It caused some serious issues with the only highway we have but the Sisters weren’t going anywhere so that didn’t affect them. They did go off on their own protests and wondered why no one from the media came out to their houses to cover the story. In no particular protest order: doing the laundry for a bunch of ungrateful people, paying more than a buck fifty for gas (what the hell happened??!!), going to work everyday even though we’re sure we’re kidnapped princesses from Europe, people expecting us to behave like adults when we’re bored. We need to pick a fight with Megyn Kelly so we can get some airtime.