I thought all you needed was a passport

“I wanna go to Africa,” The Bandit told us over dinner. He was very excited about it. “All I need is a blow torch and a jar of mayonnaise.”

Do you remember that noise cartoon characters make when they shake their heads in confusion? It’s sort of a wobbly noise. That’s the sound my head made when he said this.

“Blow torches come in very handy,” My Honey agreed.

“I thought all MacGyver ever needed was a paperclip and a stick of gum.” Honestly, I didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation,

Is this something guys understand? Is there a class they give boys in the first grade in which girls are excused that outlines little known uses for welding equipment? Like when they give the girls the class where they teach the names of all the colors – persimmon, chartreuse, thistle. Or when they take the girls aside and discuss the importance of asking all the pertinent questions when confronted with news like “So and So are getting a divorce.” Men are more than happy to divulge that they heard during band practice that people you know are breaking up but not why, or who’s at fault, or any actual detail whatsoever.

What could my little boy need with a blow torch? What in Zeus’ name does that have to do with mayonnaise? Are these items everyone should consider when heading off to Africa? Does the blow torch come in a convenient travel size because, if it’s not already, I suspect the Transportation Security Administration will be putting that right on the prohibited items list. I mean if I can’t take my cuticle nippers with me, I’m certain they’re not allowing my six year old on a plane with mayonnaise.

HA! You thought I was going to say blow torch didn’t you. Well that’s just silly.

I swear, I almost never have any idea what that boy of mine is talking about and I fear it’s only going to get worse.