Amylynn spent a very long, exhausting day traveling from Dallas to Tucson. There was snow and ice and apparently that makes the people of Texas lose their ever loving minds. It took two and a half hours to drive just over twelve miles. Huge sections of the freeway were closed all together. The parts that were still open was often at a stand still. Then the airport was a complete zoo. Still, her flight was one of the last ones that got out of Dallas before they were shut down. Even then, she sat in the airplane on the tarmac for another two hours before we even got in the air. Surprisingly, most people were in a decent mood considering how awful the day was. Amy sat next to an old guy who told her everything there was to know about de-icing planes. Normally, this would annoy the hell out of her, but he was actually pretty cute in an adorably ancient sort of way. She read and
entire book in the four hours she sat there. Plus, there were coyotes on the tarmac which was weird. Nevertheless, she’s thrilled to be back in the nice warm desert – where the normal coyotes live. With plenty of time to read the newspapers in the airport, we found lots to report.
1. Animals being free. The nation was apparently captivated when two llamas got loose in Sun City, AZ. We can assure you we’d have been captivated, too. We love llamas. You’d love llamas, too, if you could catch one. That’s the thing about llamas – can’t catch ‘em. Who knew that llamas would be so adorable while on a freedom run? During the same week, the citizens in Tilton, New Hampshire were made aware of two horses on a freedom run. Stanly and Aramis got out of their enclosure by hiking over snow banks and over a fence. By the way, we strongly approve of naming a horse after a Musketeer. The owners were notified by telephone that their horses were across the street, frolicking in the parking lot. Once again, the Sisters were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
2. A million dollar ticket to stink. Heard of Burning Man? It’s a delirious festival that happens in the middle of the Nevada desert wherein thousands of people don’t shower for days on end and take a bunch of drugs while setting giant effigies on fire. Or something like that. Anyway, scalpers are selling tickets to it for a million dollars on Stub Hub. We have concerns. If you really must attend this thing, why don’t you just wander in out of the desert? It seems to us that if you really, really want to hang around with a bunch of stinky people there are a lot of cheaper ways to do it.
3. Utah needs some excitement. One of the most delightful things about staying in hotels is that they always give you a free copy of USA Today. That’s the only time we ever read it. It’s got this great section where they list a story from every single state. This is the entire article from the Utah section: During a recent family outing, Kaitlyn Elder, 13, spotted a white deer, the Salt Lake Tribune reported. That’s it. Seriously. Is the spotting of a white deer in Utah similar to spotting a white buffalo? Or a unicorn? What the hell is that all about? Oh, we get it. Kaitlyn Elder was blind and suddenly regained her sight and everyone in Utah knew the shorthand for this story. That’s our working theory.
4. Bringing your own snacks. The airlines don’t feed you any more. Actually, that’s not true. They’ll happily sell you a crappy bagel and a wee red delicious apple for $36. That means people have been bringing their own snacks on board. You know, like sandwiches or cookies. Or like the guy who sat in 13E who ate his fingernails for the entire flight. It was captivating in a completely disgusting sort of way. But then again, he got all kinds of extra protein from his snack and probably has the highest immunity of anyone on the plane since he ingested all those traveling germs.
5. Boarding agents with a sense of humor. These people have to deal with a lot of nasty customers. Not Amylynn of course. She was perfectly lovely to everyone – for a change. The gate agent in Dallas was delightfully charming while he tried to convince everyone to put down their pitchforks cause it’s impossible to kill Mother Nature. Or God. Or whatever god is in charge of ice storms. There at the end the American Airlines guy pleaded for everyone to get on the plane as quickly as possible because if they could pull the plane away from the gate with us on it, we had a good chance of getting out of there. Since that’s what we all wanted – desperately – we got the hell on the plane. And it worked. We were one of the last ones out. Thank you anonymous but cheerful gate dude!