We didn’t know what to do with ourselves while the blog was down. It was weird. We had to threaten people with, “I’m going to put that in my blog…when it’s back up.” Not really the same oomph, you know what we mean? What little kid fears, “I’m telling the whole world about this maybe in a couple of days.” Not ours, that’s for darn sure. Also, the evenings are a lot less hectic without running around screeching, “What should I post? What should I post?” like some sort of Dr. Seuss escapee. Still we missed it. It’s been a huge part of our lives for almost six years now. We can’t believe it’s been that long, but it has. Who knew we had so much to babble about? Our second grade teachers, that’s who. And our mom. Our therapists. And the lady at the Hobby Lobby who now looks afraid every time we get in her line. Anyway, we’re back to babbling to you and it’s much better this way. Here’s some silly stuff we found.
1. Puppies with things to do. You probably already saw this on the internet, but in case you didn’t we want to make sure you don’t miss it. We’d like you to meet Eclipse. She’s a very pretty black Labrador who lives in Seattle. Apparently she really likes to go to the dog park. Alas it seems her owner isn’t always as prompt as she could like. She has solved that problem by taking the city bus to the park whenever she wants to. She waits at the stop, gets on the bus, visits her friends and gets off at the correct stop. It has been reported that she behaves better than many of the other riders. Obviously, she’s become a favorite with the bus drivers and other riders. We don’t know about your human kids, but ours can’t follow directions that well.
2. Other people who love dogs. The Sheriff’s office in Pinellas County, Florida got a new rug in the entrance area. It cost $500. It’s green and has a yellow sheriff’s badge in the middle and it’s been there for a couple of months. The super observant sheriff and deputies only just now noticed that instead of saying, “In God We Trust” it says “In DOG We Trust.” We actually, we do trust dogs. Amylynn just got new carpet in her house. When they ordered it they didn’t know there was an option of having it say In Dog We Trust, because they most certainly would have chosen that instead of the plain brown
tufted version they got. We have a suggestion for the citizens of Pinellas County, Florida. Perhaps you should trust in Eclipse from above – apparently she pays very good attention.3. People who don’t get paid enough. It was reported in our town that two men are wanted by the police for a massive theft of beer. The story goes like this. The two men went into a convenience store and walked out without paying for 5 thirty-packs of beer. A few minutes later, they returned and backed a truck up to the front door and stole 5 more. That’s 300 cans of beer. How did the conversation with that clerk go? Do you want any chips with that? How about a hot dog? When they came back for round two did they try to up sell the thieves a lottery ticket? The whole things sounds very odd to us. The police are asking for the public’s assistance for leads. We think they need to be keeping their eyes open for one hell of a party. This crime seems like it’d solve itself.
4. Add Glue Sniffer to your resume. Dateline Cairo Egypt. The Conservators at the Egyptian Museum in Cairo have just informed the world that the blue and gold braided beard that King Tut so famously wears on his gold sarcophagus was knocked off and “hastily glued back on.” This gave us pause. The next line tells us a lot about this story. “Archaeologists and restorers say [the museum] is not run to professional standards.” Immediately we have a vision of Lucy and Ethel being hired to give the world’s most famous pharaoh a bath. Or maybe the Three Stooges. Or Pauly Shore and Stephen
Baldwin. Honest to Ra, it says the beard was glued back on. No word if they used rubber cement or Superglue. We suspect it must have been Larry, Moe and Curly because Lucy and Ethel would have tried chewing gum first.
5. That’s exactly why we eat cake. A very important study has just come out that attests that women who have curvy butts and thighs have smarter children. Here’s the important gist of the study ~ “The brain-building, breast-milk lipids (fats) are largely derived from the fat stored in a mother’s thighs and buttocks. Women with larger thighs have higher levels of these lipids. There is even evidence that they and their children are more intelligent as a result.” There are other things in the study that are down right insulting. For example, the professor compares women to fat hibernating bears and whales. Also, he says that women lose about a pound of fat a month while breastfeeding. The Quill Sisters new diet plan is based on this research. We figure we just need to breast feed some kids for the next 6.8 years and we’ll be as svelte as when we graduated. Anyone know any dehydrated kids?