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Well, you asked . . .

The Sisters want to bring up one of their pet peeves. For several years now it has been a trend in magazines to not tell you the price of anything – instead they print “price upon request”.Piaget ring

Who is that for?  Either you can afford and would be willing to buy said item or you’re not.  Who are they fooling? If you see a Piaget ring in a magazine covered in diamonds and sapphires with a hidden chamber containing even more diamonds it doesn’t matter if they print the price instead of the ridiculous “price upon request”.  You can’t afford it no matter what price they put next to it – it’s covered in diamonds and sapphires for criminy sake.

Perhaps they think if you request the price they have a shot at talking you into it?  (read the following with a french accent) “Oh – you need the price of the 1lb of diamond encrusted ring in Vogue this month?  It starts at 75K.  What address can we send it to? Once it arrives you’ll have to pay for it – sell a kidney if you have to, after all, you called to ask the price and now it’s all yours.”

When they tell you the price, should you argue with them? Well, if it had been 74K you would have had yourself a deal right there but 75K is beyond my means.  I’m sorry to have wasted your time.  I have an idea – print the god damn price

Don't worry - the Sisters aren't even remotely interested in doing this.

Galaxy Quest – Don’t worry – the Sisters aren’t even remotely interested in doing this.

next time so I don’t have to call you.

Half the fun of looking at these items is knowing you aren’t ever going to own any of it. Instead you can have fun day dreaming over them.  As soon as the Sisters save up 250K they are totally going on that “Galaxy Quest” in Marie Claire this month.  The absolutely absurd part of this item is that it’s in the Neiman Marcus Christmas CATALOG – with prices and such because it’s a CATALOG. Note to Marie Claire – if the item is in an easily accessible catalog just climb right out there on a limb and print the price.  Thank the lords we went on line and looked so we know how much to pull together.

They even put it next to stuff that isn’t crazy expensive like a pair of shoes.  This is true – they put it next to a pair of Prada pumps that only cost $1000.00. I know, I know – we’re not going to spend a thousand dollars on a pair of shoes because one of us is married to Ed but let’s say they were the most beautiful shoes you’d ever seen and you had to have them. You might actually save up and buy them.  But – when they put that stupid “price upon request” next to them you’re imagination goes wild. You think – holy batman! Those shoes must be thousands and thousands of dollars or they’d share the god damn price with you.

So here’s a thought to all of the magazine editors in the world – print the price.  We’ll decide if we’re buying or not.





November 27

5-things12We almost forgot it was Friday. We could have sworn that it was Sunday. Imagine how thrilled we were when we realized we have two whole more days to go before we have to return back to work. There was giddiness and glee. We hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, if you celebrate that sort of thing. If not, we hope at least you weren’t hungry. The Bandit ate 1/2 of chocolate pie after everyone else went to bed. We’re genuinely concerned that if he continues to eat like he does when he’s only 10, that we won’t beBarefoot bandit able to afford to feed him as a teenager. Anyway, here’s some funny stuff that sustained us this week. In the spirit of sharing…

1. The Barefoot Bandit. Colton Harris-Moore has been in prison for quite sometime now. We don’t really have an opinion on his crimes. We do however like the idea that 20th Century Fox has, in exchange for the rights to his story, paid more than $1 million dollars towards his court ordered restitution. We do like the idea of Hollywood paying for fines. We are very carefully planning our caper, but if we should get caught and the court Brussellslockdowndoesn’t believe our What?-Who-Us? plea, we’d very much like for Hollywood to pay our fines. Dear Hollywood, The Sisters are very interesting. We promise. We appreciate your consideration. Sincerely.

2. Brussels is funny. You’ve probably heard all of this on the internet already, but we love this story. Brussels was on lockdown for an extended period of time while their elite police force was searching for suspects from the terrorist activity in Paris. They asked for the citizens not to post police activity on social media for obvious reasons. The people of Brussels participated in this brilliantly. Instead they used the hashtag #BrusselsLockdown to post photos of Sofia weddingcats. Some of these were simply brilliant. This is one of our favorites on the left. Way to go Belgium. You and Paris hang in there and keep your chins up.

3. Sofia Vergara. We love her. She’s like Selma Hayak only funny. She married that gorgeous guy who played Alcide on True Blood. Or maybe you remember him from Magic Mike. Anyway, they got married and they’ll probably make hideous children. Have you noticed that happens sometimes when you put two incredibly attractive people together, the DNA soup doesn’t always turn out. Anyway, Sofia and Joe got married and their wedding pictures are lovely. What had our jaws hanging open wasn’t Verminthe dress – which was lovely – or even the cake. It was the flowers. Look at this picture. What the hell was the flower budget for these festivities? Eight million dollars? At least. Holy cow look at this. We hope they gave allergy pills to the guests as they entered otherwise the vows will be drowned out on the wedding video from all the sneezing.

4. We found our candidate! Every election Vermin Love Supreme runs for president. He’s totally whack-a-doodle and we love him. This year, in addition to promising every American a pony (Ava here – every one of you better vote for this guy even if you don’t want a pony. We’ll take your pony! All of them.) if he’s elected, he’s also saying that he’ll defeat ISIS by going back in time. That seems like as good a plan as anyone else has come up with. Honestly, don’t poo poo cupcakenhim; he doesn’t look any more ridiculous than Donald Trump. At least Mr. Supreme embraces it. We firmly believe that Donald Trump would look considerably better with a nice boot on his head.

5. Piecaken. You’ve all heard of the ode to gluttony – the turducken – a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey. We’ve never eaten one, but we’re willing to give it a try. Maybe if they wrap it in bacon so we can die immediately afterwards. Then came along piecaken and we had a religious experience. It’s pie baked inside cake. Seriously. There were pictures of pumpkin, apple and pecan pie baked in between layers of cake and then the whole thing is frosted. To be honest, we were kind of full from dinner and the whole idea kind of put us over the edge. Until we saw this one… cherry tart baked into a chocolate cupcake. Wow. That is a thing of beauty. Consider our minds blown.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We love Wednesday. Even though it’s Thursday. Enjoy Wednesday on Thursday.

I’ll bet you can guess what we’re dreaming of

The tag line for this commercial is “Give someone the Christmas they’ve been dreaming of. ”

I’m going to check and see if you can order a red panda or a hedgehog from this store.

Wanted: 2 bedroom with huge yard

Ava and I are very concerned about the state of zoos these days. Just last Friday we reported on some Zebras that escaped. That was all well and good and funny. Right up our alley, right?

Then we read the most depressing thing ever.

The Sequoia Park Zoo in Eureka, California lost a red panda. It seems like the little sweetie escaped. No one knows how. Don’t panic. The animal has been found wandering down the street. It was herded into a tree and the zoo police were called. The Sisters were not involved in any way. You can be 100% certain had we known this was going on things would have turned out very differently. Masala

This is not the first time a red panda has wandered out of a zoo. It happened at the National Zoo in Washington DC in June 2013.

We have a bunch of questions. Are these the craftiest animals alive? Who are these humans who find these precious fur-babies wandering around free and turn them in? Does it make us the worst people ever that we’d keep that fuzzy-faced dolly for ourselves? How are we ever going to get our shot at a red panda if our local zoo doesn’t hurry up and get some? Why won’t anyone return our emails?

The Sisters have come to the conclusion that there is a definitely a God and we’re being punished by never being in the right place at the right time. With that epiphany comes a change. If the zoo keepers don’t know how it got out, then Masala could do it again. We’re looking into property near the zoo.

We’ll be prepared. A real man – or Sister – makes her own luck.

Very superstitious writings on the wall…

Just as I was dropping my kids off at school one day last week Stevie Wonder came on the radio. It was my favorite Stevie song – Superstition.

The same time I cranked the radio Sassy let out a groan. “Not this,” she said.

“What?” I was genuinely perplexed. Who doesn’t love this song?

She reached over and turned it down. She glanced nervously out the window. Ah, I was beginning to understand.

I turned it back up — way up.

“Mom!” she proclaimed.

“This is a great song!” I turned the knob a scoshy bit more to the right. Stevie’s funky Clavinet made an excellent soundtrack for the drop-off lane.

“MOM!” she said in that tone that implies that she’s going to expire of embarrassment right here, right now.

“Oh,” I said with a grin. “Are you afraid someone is going to see you?”

“Yes.” She was emphatic. She reached for the knob again, imploring me with her eyes to take pity on her.

My grin widened. She realized her tactical error almost immediately. I responded by rolling down all the windows to the Durango. Power buttons are a godsend at times like this. The music was now so loud The Bandit had to yell from the back seat his wishes that I have a good day.

“I love you,” I yelled above the funk.

Sassy refused to look at me while she hauled her backpack out of the car. She shook her head and rolled her eyes when she risked a glance at me before she slammed the car door and I was seat dancing.

I’ll have you know, several other parents were doing the seat boogie and singing that song as I slow rolled out of the parking lot. It’s a damn fine song.

November 20

5-things12Amylynn is fueling herself with Red Vines to write this while Ava screws around on Pinterest hoping a puppy will spontaneously burst from the screen like it was blessed by Zeus or something. The Sisters are having a lot of trouble with our hormones these days. It seems somehow that we can’t exactly explain our ovaries are producing canine hormones. The two of us are damn near desperate for a puppy. It’s kinda weird how that happens to us at the same time. To make it worse, we only egg each other on. We can guarantee, if we happen to be walking down the road and a puppy should trot by, that puppy will be ours. It could be any kind of puppy – short, tall, fat, skinny, hairy or not. You know, really, strictly speaking, it doesn’t even have to be a dog. Should a smallish bear wander onto our big ass diamondpath, we’re happy to snatch it up and call it puppy for the rest of it’s ursine life. We’ve been using these things to distract us this week.

1. Huge ass diamond. Normally we wouldn’t use such crude language to describe something as sacred as a diamond, but once you catch an eyeful of this glorious rock you’re probably going to agree with our assessment. This stone was found in a diamond mine in Botswana. It weighed in at 1,111 carats – which sounds like good luck to us. There’s no value assessed to this rock yet. They need to see what the inclusions are and all the official lapidary stuff, but you can bet it’s going to be a huge ass blue diamondprice. Think of how many puppies we could get for the cost of that diamond! We could get ALL the puppies! And a few bears.

2. And then a blue one! Would you look at this? Holy moly, that thing is gorgeous. While this rock is no where near as ginormous as the one above, it’s blue. BLUE! It’s a petite 12.03 carats but don’t let that dissuade you from how valuable it is. It sold for a record $48 million dollars. It’s called the Blue Moon since finding “such a diamond is one in a blue moon”. One Chinese man bought this one and a pink, 16.08 carat diamond for the bargain price of $28.7 million – both for his daughter. He renamed them Blue Moon of Josephine and Sweet Josephine, because he said so. In 2009 he bought a different blue diamond for $9.5 million he renamed Star ofzebras Josephine. Guess who he gave that one to. We’d like you to know that his daughter is 7-years-old. We don’t think our parents even loved us.

3. Running amok! Zebras escaped and ran through the streets of Philadelphia. It’s unclear if they escaped from the zoo or the circus but either way, that’s pretty exciting. After they were caught the Philadelphia police tweeted: Zebras in custody. They’re already sporting old-timey prisoner getups ahead of trial and sentencing. Have faith, fellas. Ha! We love it when the authorities have a sense of humor. We’d like to know why nothing this exciting ever happens to us. We’ve contemplated this long

This is the best mailbox EVER - worth every penny of whatever it costs.

This is the best mailbox EVER – worth every penny of whatever it costs.

and hard, and we think we might have found a flaw in our life plans. You know how we don’t like to go outside? Well, it seems a lot of this animal stuff happens outside. Who’d have known? We may have some reevaluating to do.

4. Diamond encrusted perhaps? Some fella in Palm Beach, Florida has been arrested after he was driving drunk and crashed into Rod Stewart’s mailbox. All of that is sorta ho hum on the comedy scale. Drunk driving isn’t funny. Rod Stewart’s not especially gut splitting either. Wait, we’re going somewhere with this. The damage to the mailbox is estimated at $500. What the hell is that mailbox made of? WesleyStardust? Unicorn bones? We’re going to funnel our entire retirement plan into the mailbox wholesale market it this is the markup.

5. The Quill Brother. Meet Wesley. He works in our office. He literally shares Ava’s office – One office, two desks. He thinks we’re very funny, but that we use too many words to say things. We’ve heard this before from other people, but we just suspect they’re all jealous. Don’t believe him. Wesley is plenty funny all on his own. He also refuses to go camping. Nasty lakes are not for him. He disapproves of bugs and dirt on an elemental level. When his wife and child tried to convince him to go with them last weekend, he refused. He tried to convince them not to go either, but they gave him looks of pity and left him at home. (Poor Wesley – not!) He would like you to know that they came home early because it rained on them all night and it was COLD. THAT’S exactly why none of the Siblings go camping.

No fool should ever spend $16 on multigrain anything

Does anyone else see a major problem with this table topper? PancakeRead it closely.

What the hell is  that nonsense on Friday? I want to make it clear that the Sisters stance on pancakes is that multigrain pancakes are communist. We are willing to concede that there are some people – people who are wrong – who like multigrain, but it’s criminal to have them as the Friday special.

Everyone knows that. Everyone.

Friday is Oreo Crème Pancakes.

Maybe they’re Pineapple Upside Down Pancakes.

All we know for certain is that, if you absolutely, positively must have multigrain pancakes, then they are a Monday cake. Monday – when you’re back on the wagon from all the wickedness of the Banana Cream Pie Pancakes on Saturday and the Lemon Curd Pancakes on Sunday.

No one should expect their pancakes should be healthy. If you’re going to eat the pancakes, commit to it fully. Your soul will be all the happier for it.




Poor confused Mog

Love this video. If you haven’t seen it yet, here you go. Adorable.

November 13 – sort of

5-things12You know the sentiment: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. We guess that’s true if you get up to shenanigans while you’re there. The Sisters, not so much. As you may know, mostly what we do when we’re together is annoy people with our questions and demands. Just because we’re in Las Vegas won’t change that. In fact, it’s probably exponentially worse the further we are from home. We stayed at the MGM Grand while we were there this time. Our rooms were in the West Wing. It was not presidential. What it was was far. The hallway to get there was about 75 miles long and can best be described as Alice in Wonderland-esque. las vegasUltimately the rooms were cute, European in design and very stylish. They were just really, really far. That gave us plenty of time to review the funny things. Here we go.

1. Las Vegas. This is what we know for sure — Las Vegas at 45 and 50 is considerably different than at 25. Also, it’s really loud. We also believe they have the worst freeway in the county. The road was so awful as to feel like a roller coaster. What we will say for sure is that all the weirdest people are there and every one of them is drunk. And wearing ill-advised clothes. But there’s also fruity drinks and the opportunity to give strangers all your money. Also, as we mentioned above, we’re pretty sure the laws of physics don’t exist in Nevada. Everything seems like it’s just down the street. For goodness sake you can see the sign as plain as day, but as you start the trek Kapretty soon it turns in the desert version of the Trail of Tears. You say things like, “I’m going to need to have my feet amputated if we ever get back” without irony. On the other hand, you can eat every single dessert at the buffet because you walked 97 miles that day. It all works out in the end.

2. Ka. We saw the Cirque de Soleil show and it was amazing. We all really loved it, but we struggled to stay awake. The theater was dark, and warm, and often the music was soft. Still, it was visually stunning. The stunts were insane and when we were awake we had some genuine concern for some of their safety – swinging on wires and jumping rope on rotating disc hundreds of feet in the air. Many times we’ve thought our two youngest kids were Rule breakergoing to end up in the circus and, we’ve decided if that’s a Cirque de Soleil circus, that would be alright. We wouldn’t be at all embarrassed to tell people what they did.

3. Breaking rules. This fellow was an usher at Ka. He told our section often and very loudly that cameras were not allowed. “You may not take pictures,” he bellowed with the conviction of a person with very little power. You can see why that might be twizzler libertya problem for us. We’re not good with rules. Or bossy people. Or bossy rules.

4. Twizzler Liberty. One thing that Las Vegas has a lot of is theme stores. We went to both the M&M store and the Hershey store which is located in New York, New York. We don’t know why the Hershey store is in that particular casino since Hershey is made in its very own town in Pennsylvania. We could only assume it was because NY, NY is closer to Pennsylvania than say Monte Carlo. Whatever. Sometimes we over-think things like this. Anyway, we present to you the Statue of Liberty made out of Twizzlers. As far as Amylynn is concerned, that’s the Krackenbest possible use for Twizzlers because eating them is wrong. Ava disagrees.

5. The new fountain. The Bellagio has a famous water show. They play music and spray jets of water hundreds of feet in the air all with a coordinated light show. You’ve all seen it famously in Ocean’s Eleven. Imagine how delighted we were when the music was no longer something sappy and melodramatic by Celine Dion. No, indeed, Black Sabbath’s I am Ironman blasted out the speakers. The finale was wholly unexpected and beyond thrilling. The crowd was really pumped up from the music, but we all went completely berserk when the Kraken rose up out of the Bellagio lake. He wrapped his tentacles around the tram going to Caesar’s Palace and pulled it right back into his depths. Bravo, Las Vegas. Bravo.

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