It’s been a really long week. One of those weeks that goes on for like 6 weeks. Or at least 17 days. Extraordinarily tedious days spreading one to the next. It was very existential. Perhaps part of the problem was that Amylynn finally caved in and read The Fault In Our Stars. That book will kill you unless you’re Ava, then you’re dead inside and all that misery won’t affect you like a human. Also, the puzzle at work is taking forever and we’re tired of looking at all these red and white pieces that don’t fit anywhere. Thank God there were some things that made us laugh and we’re going to share them with you.
1. People with too much money. Some fellow in Braintree, MA owns a Maserati. Well, if that wasn’t annoying enough, we’ll tell you that he had it painted like a cop car. That got him in a wee bit of trouble with the actual police who did not find it funny. Instead of a regular cop car, this one was decked out with Decepticons logos. For example, the door stated, “Decepticons punish and enslave.” Isn’t that nice. He was charged with impersonating a police officer. Or a Transformer. Either way, there are people with way too much money who clearly don’t know how to spend it.
2. Another brilliant mayoral decision. In the wee town of Cormorant, MN the citizens elected Duke the Great Pyrenees to the office of Mayor. He won in a landslide. The election committee didn’t disclose exactly how many of the twelve votes that were cast actually went to Duke the dog, but the majority did. Yes, you read that correctly. Twelve votes were cast. Obviously, this is a major metropolis. Still, let’s be honest. It’s not like our state is known for making wise choices with it’s elections so we shant be casting stones. In fact, the Sisters are thinking of nominating Jojo Kitty for governor.
3. Beau the maimer. In the spirit of full disclosure, we’ll tell you that not only did Amylynn request the specific maiming procedure, but she spent a considerable amount of money being maimed. We told you about the first tattoo on her wrist–the one with the crown and Calm Down. Well, she did another one, too. She had a twenty-seven year old tattoo that was darned near unidentifiable at this point. It took three hours yesterday to cover it up. Beau was the tattooist. He put up with an enormous amount of torture from Ava who terrorized him with comments like, “It better be perfect.” Also, turns out Amylynn did a lot of involuntary flinching. Amy
was forced got to listen to hours of conspiracy theories that spanned ebola all the way to alien visitation. Good times.
4. Vegetables aren’t funny. It’s true. Many vegetables have absolutely no sense of humor. Take broccoli for instance. Seriously, take the broccoli. Ick. We read an article that suggested many new marketing ploys for food in the coming years. It was suggested that the farmer people will start taking out ads for broccoli. What could they possibly do to make us eat it? Not even covering it in chocolate would do it. Not even wrapping a $50 bill around a stalk would entice us. Broccoli is icky. You can go ahead Madison Avenue. Take your best shot.
5. Does your dog have green eyes? Researchers say it’s possible dogs get jealous. Well duh. Of course they do. The second we pay any attention to the cats, the dogs come right over pushing their noses against our leg with tails wagging. Interestingly, the cats don’t get jealous. They just give you the “If you’d rather scratch that drooling monster go ahead, we might be available when you come to your senses” look.