We’re sitting in our new office. It’s our favorite café. We’re not going to be able to afford this for very long. It’s a shame really, since the life of leisure really fits our temperament. Also, it’s possible that we’re freaking out a little bit. Or a lot. Honestly we don’t know what we’re feeling. Essentially, we’re really confused. But at least we’re not angry or hungry. We think. Oh hell, we don’t know. Maybe we’re angry. Maybe we’re just waiting for the right moment to explode. Downtrodden. That’s what we are. So we’re trying to laugh at funny stuff. Here, see what you think. 1. Frog juice. Here’s something that we’re not willing to try. Apparently zillions of Peruvians swear by it. (Apparently, Peru breeds crazies like no body’s business.) Here’s the deal – the barista grabs a frog from an aquarium, whacks it’s head on the counter top until it’s dead (can you say PETA?), throws it in a blender with carrots, maca root, and honey and you drink it. Yea, right. By the way, there is no scientific evidence this helps with anemia, bronchitis, fatigue, etc that it’s reported to be good for. Amylynn thanks the gods it doesn’t help with weight loss because she always caves when Ava is on to new fat cure. 2. It’s for medicinal purposes. Some people in Washington state and the heirs of Bob Marley have come to terms on a deal to grow and sell pot inspired by the reggae singer. They also plan weed-infused lotions, creams, and various accessories. We find this super interesting. One of our schemes for making money after the layoff was growing pot in a warehouse we have access to. We feel that we could be a certified grower. We also like lotion. Do you all see how we’re the people for you? Who else likes money AND lotion? Well, maybe lots of people, but none of them ALSO like various accessories. 3. The Bride of Frankenstein. Oh, dear. This story turned our hair more gray than it already is. It seems Charles Manson is set to marry. Charles Manson and marriage – there’s some words we bet you never thought you’d see in one sentence. The happy couple met when the girl was 16. At first we thought – Where the hell are her people? But then we thought – Where the hell are his people? Where the hell are anyone’s people to stop this nonsense? They will never have conjugal visits so we don’t know what the point is for either
them. Thank god, cause ICK! Not only is it Charles Manson but he’s 80-years old. **Shiver** We smell a book deal in here somewhere. Gives a whole new meaning to Helter Skelter. 4. Thank Zeus we live in the desert. We watch with horrified fascination the news reports about the snow in Buffalo, NY. Our mouths hang open at the pictures of people opening their front doors to a wall of snow. Or the snow actually caving in their windows and doors. One of our favorites shows a path carved out of the snow with a direct line to the convenience store. We certainly hope these people have enough reading material to tide them over. That’s a recipe for tragedy right there: The Sisters trapped ANYWHERE with no reading material. Bad news bears. 5. We’re moving. We found out the house that inspired Jane Austen to write Pride and Prejudice, and the one she modeled Pemberley after, has gone up for sale for $11 million dollars. It has at least 365 rooms and five miles of corridors. It’s so vast the story goes that guests were given confetti to mark the path from their bedroom to the dining room so they could find their way back. $11 million sounds like a steal, yeah? Apparently, there are also about $41 million in repairs. Our husbands are handy so we think we could drastically reduce that amount down to a manageable figure. Say $38 million, or so. We figure if things get too loud with the workers, we’d just get lost in the house for a week or so.