July 18

The Quill Sisters are heading off to San Antonio next week. We’re very excited. We’ve been out shopping for shoes and dresses and getting our nails done and generally making a nuisance of ourselves in public. We’re driving all the way to the convention so we don’t have to temper our packing with sanity. We’re going to shove every single thing we can into Dave Durango and hit the open road. (You hear that Dave? Hit the open road.  Not breakdown on the open road.) We’re only leaving enough room for any cute animals we see along the road. We figure if we pick them up along the way they can live in the hotel bathroom for a couple of days. This is going to be so exciting. We laughed about these things this week.

1. Champion YOLOer. A 51-year-old man snuck into an aquarium in Boston and jumped into the shark tank. It is believed that alcohol may have been involved. There is no explanation about what he expected to accomplish while he was in with the fishes. Good for him that the sharks had been fed recently and weren’t interesting in gnawing down on him. To be honest though, if a person is stupid enough to jump into the shark tank then he should be eaten. That’s how survival of the fittest works. Just ask Darwin.

2. Princess of North Sudan. So some father promised his daughter that she could be a princess. Apparently, he’s better at keeping his promises than most parents, or maybe his daughter is an unbelievably talented nag, because he ended up finding a swath of 800 square miles of unclaimed land between Egypt and Sudan. His family designed a flag and he went over there and planted it claiming it Kingdom of North Sudan and himself King. Obviously, that meant his daughter is now a princess. We pity any man who plans to marry this girl. He’s never going to live up to that.

3. Awesome selfie. Paul McCartney of the Beatles fame was in Omaha for a concert so he went out to dinner with Warren Buffett because of course he did. We wonder which of those uber-rich guys picked up the tab. They should have invited Oprah so they could have had a trifecta. Anyway, after dinner, arguably the most famous musician alive and the

That is one BIG freaking snail!

humblest billionaire ever wandered through a city park and had an ice cream cone. This kid happened along to take the best selfie EVER.

4. Ewwwwww! on a grand scale. The Inspectors at LAX airport seized 67 live giant snails. Apparently the people in West Africa are very, very confused into thinking that they are a delicacy. Here’s where things get interesting. They were headed to a person in San Dimas. Did this ring a bell for you? It should if you’re a kid from the ’80’s. Bill and Ted must also be fans of huge, slimy snails. One of the creatures was sent to the Federal Mollusk Specialist in Washington DC. How is that for job specificity for you? We’re here to tell you when that guy gets laid off there is no other job out there for him.

5. The Pfaff 2124. If there was ever a $2000 sewing machine that can make you sew okay – this is it.  Ava has completed her second ball gown using it.  Quite the difference between making ball gowns and pillows, let us tell you.  To: Amylynn From: Ava and Amylynn’s Fab Mom – Listen up Amy.  We quit. We are not making anymore ball gowns no matter how many historical novels you write and dedicate to us.  We’re done and that’s final.  Final.  The next thing we’re sewing is a straight jacket for you.